I walked to work as usual, and found the others huddled on a table when I walked in. I could still feel a dull ache at the back of my head, which was beginning to make me sick.
“Bev! You look like you had a rough night,” John said and I didn’t bother to respond to that.
“What are you guys talking about?” I asked, hitching the sunglasses up on my head.
They exchanged looks, till Susan cleared her throat
and fixed her eyes on me.
“We heard about your decision. The lawyers got your email,” she said.
“Oh, that!” I said and shrugged my shoulders. “That was a no-brainer. It had to be done,” I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
They were still exchanging nervous looks, till I placed my hands on my hips and stared them down.
“You don’t look like you’ve taken it well, Bev,” Sasha commented and I rolled my eyes. That was a bad idea, because it made my brain hurt and I winced.
“I’m not thrilled about giving my company away, if that’s what you mean,” I said and rubbed a hand over my face. As long as they didn’t find out that I also nearly slept with Grant Jennings, I figured I’d be alright.
Susan stood up from her chair and walked towards me.
“Do you want something to eat?” she asked in a kindly motherly voice.
“I’m fine, Susan. I’m not hungry and I’m not sick. I suppose we should continue on as usual till everything is finalized,” I said a little sharply.
“Will you still be working with us?” John asked and I shook my head.
“Why would I be working here? It isn’t my company anymore,” I told him and they all stared at me, like they were worried for my health.
“From what I could tell, Mr. Jennings…Grant is a reasonable man. In fact, he thinks of you as his friend. I’m sure he would want to keep you on. We want you to stay on, be our boss,” Sasha said and I let out a deep sigh.
“Well, you better get used to not having me around, because things are going to change here very soon,” I snapped and realized that I was taking out my anger with Grant on them, and I checked myself.
“Sorry…I’m sorry guys. I’m getting too emotional. I’m fine, really,” I said as Susan approached me to give me a hug.
“We all know how hard you’ve worked. You started this company from scratch and you gave it your best,” she said and I pulled away from her.
“So did Grant Jennings. Look at what he’s achieved. I’m a failure and the sooner I accept it, the better it is for me,” I said to her and looked at the guys. They all looked worried for my welfare.
“I’m fine! I really am. In fact, I’m actually going to go get something to eat,” I said and pulled the sunglasses back down on my face.
“Where are you going?” Sasha asked.
“Pop’s Bar maybe, I don’t know,” I snapped at him again.
“Are you planning on drinking? It’s only two in the afternoon,” Susan offered and I whipped around to look at her.
“I’m an adult Susan, but thanks for your concern,” I snarled at her and left the office, pulling the door shut behind me.
At the back of my mind, I knew they had every reason to be concerned. They had never seen me in this state. I was hungover, upset and going hunting for more alcohol. They were naturally worried for me. But they didn’t know what I was feeling, what I was going through.
Despite being hungover, I perfectly remembered the previous night. Why had I just decided to show up at Grant’s house? Why hadn’t I been able to resist undressing?
And then the phone call! I remembered the phone call as well and I winced. That was such a disaster. I had said embarrassing things to him about enjoying orgasms and beer-pong. I hoped I would never have to see him again. That this deal could just get over, and I could finally move on with my life.
I’d been happy when I was engrossed with work. I didn’t have time for a social or love life and I was content with that. And now, all I could think about was Grant and how good he had made me feel. All those unrequited feelings I had for him in college came gushing back in an avalanche that was set to bury me. And this time, I knew exactly what I was missing out on.
I walked to the bar around the corner from our office building and walked in. It was dark inside the place, even though there was bright sunshine outside. I pulled out a stool at the bar and sat down, covering my face with my hands.