“Shit,” I mutter while grabbing the nearest clothing to me. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh, fucking hell.”
I need to speak to the teacher, to ask for some help, to try and turn this around. My head is all over the place, I can’t hardly think about anything other than this mess. Once I’m all sorted, then maybe I can relax and worry about other stuff. Everything other than my college work dissolves into nothingness.
I race from the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and I run across to the building where my business teacher has his office. I don’t know how much he likes me, I honestly haven’t spent enough time with him but I’m going to have to do what I can to win him around. Somehow, I’ll have to get his help, I’ll have to try and make him understand my dilemma so that we can find a solution together.
The main problem is I can’t remember his name. Fuck, why can’t I remember his name?
Luckily, I can remember his office and it says his name across the door. ‘Mr. Turner’. I suck in a deep and panicked breath and I lift my hand to knock on the door of doom. It’ll either help me to get the answer that I so desperately need, or my future will be crushed and I don’t know what I will do next.
“Come in,” comes the grave sounding voice from behind the door. That isn’t a good start.
I push the door open and I see the vaguely familiar man in his brown awful suit and scruffy dark hair sitting behind the desk. I don’t know how he can teach business since he doesn’t seem to have any success himself, but there you go. I can’t have that attitude right now because I need him desperately.
“Erm, Sir. Mr. Turner. Do you think I can have a word with you?”
He sits back in his seat and runs his eyes disapprovingly up and down me. “I see. You father got the letter then? You know, we have been trying to communicate with you, but haven’t had any success.”
“You have?” I narrow my eyes in confusion. “How? I haven’t had any missed calls…”
“You do realize that you have a postal box here, don’t you?” Mr. Turner rolls his eyes. “That’s how we’ve been trying to talk to you. That’s how everyone in the college communicates with students.”
“It is?” I cannot believe I didn’t know that. “Really? I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t know.”
“If you ever came to class, you would, but since you think you’re too good for that…”
Okay, so I guess it’s safe to assume that he doesn’t like me at all. I didn’t mean to bring this reaction out of him but I guess that’s what I deserve. Now that I’m thinking about it, I know certain people would die to be here. This college is their first choice and they didn’t get accepted so that I could have a place. And all I’ve done with that is fuck around. That actually sucks a little, I guess I didn’t see it with that.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Turner. I didn’t mean to act the fool, I understand now how stupid I’ve been. I don’t want to fail or get kicked out or whatever. I want to try, I want to do well. I don’t want to be… this.”
Mr. Turner gives me a disapproving look, which I suppose I can understand. He knows that this has only just come on because my dad has yelled at me, but I really do want to make it right. For my dad, but I guess a little bit for myself as well. Maybe I want to prove that I can do this after all.
“Your course work is a problem,” he finally tells me. “But I suppose I can catch you up on that. It’s the exam that’s the problem. It’s coming up next week and you don’t know any of the material. If you fail it, you’ll have to leave the course. There isn’t any way around it. Right now, I don’t know if you’ll even be there. Judging by your record, there’s no chance of you turning up at all. You didn’t even know about it.”
A golf ball of terror lodges in my throat, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. I didn’t know about it, I didn’t realize how close I was already to being kicked out. Now I have to learn all kinds of stuff by next week. My brain doesn’t retain information very quickly, so I don’t think I stand a chance.
“I don’t know what to do,” I tell him sadly. “I want to make this right, I want to do the exam, but I don’t know if I can. How can I do it when I don’t know anything? I know that it’s my own fault but now it feels like it’s too late to fix it. You don’t understand, I’m going to lose all my future and everything.”
Mr. Turner softens a little at the sheer desperation in my voice. “I can try to help you,” he tells me. “I will try and help you, but only if you’re going to put one hundred percent in. I’m not putting in my own time and effort if you’re going to sack it off. I want you to succeed, that’s why I keep trying, but I can only do so much.”
“Oh, my goodness, would you?” I beg him desperately. “I will do anything I will do this exam then I’ll catch up on all the work I haven’t done. Anything to make this work. Thank you.”
Mr. Turner stands up and grabs some books off the shelf. “I want you at my lecture at nine AM this morning, then I want you here afterwards for extra tutoring. You’re going to have to read all of this too.”
It’s overwhelming and it means I’m going to have to put everything on hold for a while, but it’s worth it. Everything is hanging on a balance and I need to just get through this. As hard as it is, I can do that. I can get through this week and get this exam done. Everything else will have to come later.
“I will do whatever you want of me. I won’t let you down.”
12
Lucie
“You’re humming and practically dancing,” Cindy laughs as she looks at me strangely across the room. “I take it you’re feeling better now. You certainly look a lot better than you did last night.”
I want to giggle, I’ve just had the best night of my damn life so of course I’m all happy. Much as I want to keep it all in until I know one hundred percent what’s going on, but I can’t keep it in any longer. I need my best friend to know now, I have to talk this through with someone. I’m pretty confident, anyway.
“I wasn’
t really ill last night,” I confide quietly. “I’m sorry for lying to you, I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to make sure about something before I share it with you, and now… well, now I know for sure.”