Time to face down stairs again, I tell myself sadly. Mom will soon spot me gone…
If Mom finds me up here, pondering life, she’ll freak. I can already feel her eyes upon me all the time, she’s worried about me, which isn’t necessary. I don’t want her to be concerned when really, I’m fine. Well, I don’t think I’m in enough of a mess to speak to her about. I’m just sad that Lucie isn’t here, that’s all. She’s been such a huge part of my life for so long, she’s ben through quite a few milestones with me. I miss her.
I glance at my reflection in the mirror before I leave my room and I see the strain behind my eyes. I don’t need to do this for too much longer, it’s a classy affair that won’t last too long, so I just have to get this mask back on my face for a short while. I can do that, I’ve proven my strength to myself recently.
I down the rest of my drink for the much needed boost, and I push open the bedroom door. People gather in the hallway outside the bathroom in a queue. I could tell them that there are toilets everywhere in this house so there isn’t any need to wait, but if they don’t know that already, then they haven’t been here much. They don’t deserve to know and I really cannot be bothered to explain it, I put my head down and I move.
Something has changed, I can feel it the moment that I descend the stairs. There’s a new aura in the room which leaves me confused. It’s intense, it’s powerful, I can feel it calling out to me and tugging at my heart strings. I pause just before I reach the bottom of the stairs and I flick my eyes over the people in the room, trying to locate the source. The more I look, the deeper the pull becomes until it drives me crazy.
Oh my God, it’s Mr. Smith, standing next to my father and laughing at something he’s said. He has a glass of an amber looking liquid clutched between his fingers, and a giant happy grin. It doesn’t take me long to find Mrs. Smith either, next to my mom who’s her best friend. My heart hammers against my rib cage and I come back to life. This is the moment that I’ve been waiting for, the time that I find out the truth for real.
I tumble quickly down the stairs and I push through the crowds desperately, searching for her. Now that I know she might be here, everything has sparked. I’m like a damn Christmas tree, lit up all over. Even my breathing feels a million times easier. I’m back to being me, like a magic spell has been cast…
Oh… wow… and then I find her, standing like a vision of beauty by the buffet table. She’s changed, she’s grown curvier as she aged, but it’s a good look. She looks even better. Lucie Smith is gorgeous and she still makes my heart skip a beat.
20
Lucie
It starts with a prickle at the back of my neck, demanding that I give it my attention. I know for certain that there’s only one set of eyes that can give me that sensation and it’s the person that I’m not quite ready to deal with just yet. I wanted to get in this party, to settle down, then to hunt him out in my own time, but it seems that I’m not going to get that chance. Finally, after five years, I’m about to see Kade Roberts again…
I turn slowly, focusing on keeping my breathing even as I do. There’s a shake rocking through my entire body, disguising any confidence that my brand new dress gave me when I first put it on. I’ve grown up, I’ve had a baby, my body has changed. I wonder if he’ll still like me… no, I shouldn’t be worried about that at all.
That’s silly, childish stuff. Instead I should be concerned with how much I like him and whether or not he’s worthwhile. Mom just came to take Logan to the toilet, but she’ll be back in a moment and father and son will be face to face for the very first time ever. God, that’s a thought that terrifies me to the core.
You’ve been preparing yourself for this, I warn myself. It will be fine if I just stay calm…
But as I spot Kade, and I see the wonderful vision of the man in front of my, my heart skips a beat. He’s changed too, he’s grown up a lot, and he looks really good for it. There’s even a shiver of lust inside of me as I see him which is incredibly inappropriate, but I can’t help the involuntary way that I feel.
Just… be… cool. I make myself smile, but the sensation feels alien. It’s almost as if I haven’t ever smiled before and I don’t really know how to do it which is crazy. I’m a very happy person, smiling all the time!
“Oh, hey, Lucie.” Kade looks anxious, but he makes his way over to me. “It’s good to see you here.”
I extend my hand out for him to shake it. As his hand slides into mine, electricity bolts right through my system. I guess there’s still something there between us after all this time which is ridiculous. I’m starting to think that it won’t ever go. Urgh, I’m always going to have something for the guy that I can’t have.
“Hi, Kade. It’s good to see you too. It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it? Did you have a good time?”
I can see guilt cross his face, I wonder if that’s to do with me and the terrible way that he left things. Of course, he didn’t know what he was leaving behind when he left the country, he didn’t know that his seed was growing inside of me, and that I would be left a single mom because of his actions. But still he feels bad.
“I erm, yeah, well I didn’t really travel for a good time, it was for business. I’m sure you know what happened.” At least he’s sticking to this safe topic of conversation, rather than talking about us. I don’t think that I would be able to handle that right now! “Dad wanted me to learn because I got kicked out of college.”
“Yeah.” I nod slowly. “I did hear about that, but not for a while. No one knew at first, it was a mystery.”
He smiles to himself, probably remembering the fast spreading gossip trail that college brought with it. “Yeah, I bet it lit everyone on fire for a while, didn’t it? None of them tried to ask me directly though.”
Oh… now it’s my turn to feel guilty because I’m one of them that didn’t think to ask. I got so wrapped up in my own issues – understandably so, considering what was going on with me – but it meant that I neglected him. I try to work out if he’s mad at me or not, but he doesn’t really seem to be so that’s good.
“Well, whatever you did during your time abroad, you must have done well because now you’re in charge of the company, right?” I give him a little nudge. “Am I right to assume that, or is that more gossip?”
“No, that’s right.” Thank goodness, now he looks proud. I much prefer that expression on his face than the guilty one. It brings out his incredible, handsome looks. “Not yet, I’m joint in charge with my dad at the moment, but he’s drawn up the contract to put me in control as soon as he retires. So, I will be soon.”
“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you. I know that this is something you’ve always wanted.”
“And I can do it better now.” The more he talks about the business, the more animated he becomes. His passion shines through with his words. “I’ve seen how every aspect of it work so I know it inside and out. I have some amazing ideas too, I can’t wait to start implementing them. Of course, for now I’m just learning the ropes, but soon I’ll have much more power. For instance, when I was in London…”
“You were in London?” I interrupt him without thinking about it. “I didn’t know you went to Europe.”
I wonder if he remembers our conversation on that fateful night when I told him about my own desire to travel to London. Of course, that’s a pipe dream now, I have Logan to think about so I can’t galivant around the world at whim, I gave that right up when I made my decision, but it’s funny to think that at least one of us went to England, even if it wasn’t the right one of us! I don’t think I even mind, I’m kinda pleased.