I looked down at Eli, at his sweet face, and it broke my heart that he might never know his father. Every little boy deserved to know who his dad was. But that competed with my belief that not every dad deserved to know who his son was. Some men wanted to be in their lives and others didn't. Would not knowing his father be better than the rejection of a man who wanted nothing to do with you?
And what kind of man would Reese actually be?
So many thoughts. So many questions. None of them had answers.
“Hey, Maya.”
Reese's voice surprised me, caused me to jump, and made a fist seemingly made of ice squeeze my heart painfully. I literally screeched when I heard him. I was facing away from the kitchen and somehow, he'd managed to slip inside without me hearing him. And there he was standing there, bigger than life, and was even saying hi to me.
I turned and put on a fake smile. “Hi Reese. How's it been?”
I didn't know if he noticed Eli at that point or not, because he just stared at me and smiled. That smile that always pulled me in and made my heart flutter. The one that had never been directed at me until the night I'd conceived our son. And yet, there he was, smiling at me again.
Oh, and he was still so gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome as ever. He was no longer wearing the super baggy jeans and baseball caps he wore in his younger days. But he was still looking every bit the part of the big baller – just a little bit nicer. Nicer jeans, a nicer shirt. And he'd grown up a bit too. His face had stubble on it, just a light dusting of hair that made him look more like a man and less like the boy that he was before he left town.
“It's been good,” he said. “Glad to be home though. I missed Chicago.”
“Missed it here? While in LA?” I asked.
I was nervous, not really sure how to make small talk with the father of my child – especially given the fact that he didn't know he was the father of my child.
“Yeah, the weather is nice out there,” he said. “But it's just not the same as home, ya know?”
“Not really. I've never been,” I said. “But I guess home is where the heart is, right?”
“I suppose so.”
That's when Eli pulled on my pants leg and said, “Mama, hold me?”
Reese's gaze fell on the toddler, and there was a moment of surprise in his face – but also a question in his eyes. I could see it on his face, plain as day, as he studied the child in front of me. I picked up my son, cradled him in my arms, facing him away from Reese.
“Listen,” I said, “It was nice catching up, but I really have to help my mom in the –”
But Reese stopped me from walking past him and into the kitchen. He stopped and looked at the child in my arms, then back at me, then back at Eli again. Eli looked back at him like he would any new person – with a wary curiosity.
“You have a kid?” Reese asked.
“I do, yes,” I said. “His name is Elijah. Eli for short.”
“How old is he?”
I could see Reese putting the pieces together, one-by-one. He was doing the math in his head, trying to find proof that this wasn't his kid.
“Three years old,” I said. Almost four now, but Reese didn't need to know that much.
“And what about medical school?” he asked me quietly.
“It didn't work out,” I said. “Now if you'll excuse me –”
Luke came down the stairs at that point, pulling Reese away. Thankfully so. Eli and I escaped into the kitchen, and I tried to remain calm.
We gathered around the dinner table, Reese sitting next to Luke – which meant he was directly across from me. I refused to look at him, and instead focused my attention on Eli. The meal was fairly uneventful, even though Reese kept staring at me, trying to get me to meet his gaze. I refused to acknowledge him, choosing to keep my head down and eat quietly, not saying much. Speaking only when I was spoken to.
“So what are you doing now, Maya?” Reese asked during a lull in the conversation.
“Well, I'm taking classes again. Planning on becoming a nurse,” I said. “And working as a receptionist part-time.”
“Oh yeah? A nurse, huh?”