“I know it’s your business, but…I want to help.”
“There’s nothin
g to help.”
“Stop pushing me away.” I sat up and looked at her seriously, frowning deeply. “You made me come clean about my shit. I think it’s only fair that you do the same.”
She seemed annoyed that I’d called her out, but I wasn’t really worried about that. There was clearly something going on and I was going to get to the bottom of it. I wasn’t about to start my first real relationship in almost a decade with secrets.
“It’s my dad,” she murmured.
The answer surprised me. I had half been expecting an ex-lover. “Your dad?”
“Yeah. He wants me to come home. Mom is sick,” she muttered, clearly trying to tell me as little as possible.
Up until this point she had always been very open with me. She didn’t really seem to have any secrets, but now I could tell that there was something just under the surface that she’d been hiding. “You don’t want to go back home?”
Her eyes narrowed as she stared out into the blackness of the night sky and sighed softly, dropping her head and shaking it back and forth. “No. Not for anything.”
“Bad relationship with your parents?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
I sighed and leaned back a little, sipping on my tea. “You should go home.”
“What?”
“Even if you have a bad relationship with your parents, you should still go home. If something happens to your mom and you aren’t there…You’re going to regret it.”
“Don’t act like you know about my family life.” She was getting defensive now.
“I don’t know about your family life, but I know what it’s like to lose a parent and never patch things up. It fucking sucks.”
She relaxed a little and glanced over at me. “What do you mean?”
“I lost my dad when I was in my early 20’s. Me and him never got along. He wanted me to take over the family business back home in Georgia and I didn’t want any of it. We had this big falling out and that’s why I came to New York.” I finished off my tea and set it aside. “I didn’t talk to him for years. It wasn’t even that long, actually, but five years was enough. He got cancer and told mom not to tell me because I was making my way in New York. Even after all that shit, he wanted me to be successful and didn’t want to be a burden on me.” I shook my head slowly. “There’s nothing in this world I regret more than not patching things up with him, but if you would have asked me back then, I wouldn’t have ever gone back. It took him dying to make me realize all those fights were just…blips in our relationship. At the end of the day, he was still my dad and I still loved him.”
“This isn’t the same,” she whispered, looking away, her eyes fixed on the darkness in front of us.
“I’m sure it isn’t. Every situation is different, but what I’m saying is that you won’t ever forgive yourself. It doesn’t make whatever happened okay and in all honesty, you don’t even have to forgive what happened, but you do need closure. This isn’t for anyone but yourself. If you don’t settle this with yourself and with whoever you’re having issues with, you’ll never move on.”
She was silent for a long time, looking into her glass, her lips pressed into a tight line. I could tell she was thinking over what I’d just said and I didn’t want to push it. She had to come to this conclusion on her own and I knew that. I watched her carefully and when she finally sighed, she looked over at me, and intense sadness filling her beautiful eyes.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to go back there. I don’t know if I’m ready to face her. I don’t know if I’m ready to face everything,” she whispered, her voice tight and pained.
I paused before reaching over and putting my hand on her knee. I gave it a gentle squeeze and she looked up at me again. I couldn’t stand the pain on her face. I ran my hand through her head and leaned in, kissing her forehead.
“I know it’s scary. I’ve been in this position, but you don’t have to do it alone, Lena. You don’t have to do anything alone. Not anymore. I’m here for you.”
I felt a warm wetness on my hand and it took me a moment to realize she was crying. Lena was so damn strong and so brave that I never thought I’d see her crack. Crying didn’t mean she was weak, but she seemed too proud a person to let people see her cry. I hadn’t wanted to make her cry, but I knew this situation all too well and there were things I wished someone had told me. I was going to tell her all of them. I didn’t want her to live with the pain that I had lived with all these years.
She wiped at her eyes angrily and I just held her close, running my thumb over her cheeks, where the hot tears landed. She sniffled, her bottom lip trembling and her cheeks raw. She started to pull away but finally collapsed in my arms, all of her weight pressed against me. I held her up easily, stroking her hair and kissing the soft, black curls.
“Why are you doing this?” she whispered, her face buried in my chest.
My hand was resting on the back of her head, fingers tangled in her hair. The answer that came out was the truth, but it wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting.
“I’m doing it because I love you.”