“I want to go to med school,” I said. “So I guess I’m doing a pre-med track right now. Lots of biology and science classes. Although this first year is mostly doing my core requirements.”
“Wow, you want to be a doctor? I guess I’m not surprised. I mean, you speak multiple languages so you must be smart.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Oh, no, see, not everyone is like you selfish Americans. Some of us believe learning more than one language is important. Doesn’t mean we’re any smarter.”
“That’s a hard burn but an acceptable one,” Cap said, nodding her head.
“Well, what about you? I mean, you’re getting married soon. Are you excited?”
“Extremely,” she said, her whole face lighting up. She always looked like that whenever Mal was around. I didn’t know that feeling, but it looked incredible, and I wanted to experience it one day. I’d always dreamed of meeting a man that would make me glow. But maybe college would have to be enough. I couldn’t get too greedy. Life wouldn’t always give me what I wanted. “Planning is going pretty easy, if I’m honest. Carmine’s funding the whole thing and that makes it easy.”
“He’s a good friend to you.”
“Always has been,” she said, shrugging. “He and Mal are closer than brothers, and I’m like a sister to him. I guess since our own blood relatives are either fucked-up monsters or dead, we’ve decided to make a better family.”
“I’m jealous. It must be nice.”
“Sometimes. But you’re staying with us now, so you can be like a cousin.” She beamed at me. “Cousin Jules. How’s that sound?”
“I’m not sure how Carmine would feel about that.”
Cap’s face fell slightly. “Why? Because of the way he looks at you?”
My eyes went wide and I felt my cheeks flush red. “Uh, no, I meant because he wouldn’t want me pushing into his territory. What do you mean, the way he looks at me?”
Cap’s grin got huge again and she waved her hands. “Nothing, nothing. If you haven’t noticed yet then I don’t want to be the one to break it to you.”
I stared down at my lap, a stupid smile on my face, my cheeks burning like crazy. I’d noticed the way Carmine stared and I knew what his looks meant, but I hadn’t realized everyone else saw it too. It was embarrassing, but exciting to hear my hunch confirmed.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” I said, shrugging. “He’s busy with work and I’m busy with college. Right now, we’re no better than roommates. Heck, it’s more like he’s my landlord.”
“I heard he got your father to send over a bodyguard for you. How’s that been? Help with the homesickness?”
I shivered at the thought of Oscar. “Sure, yeah, it helps,” I lied.
Cap shifted closer to me. “Listen, I’ve been meaning to say something.” She looked serious as she held my gaze. “You and me, we come from similar places. We have the same background practically. I’m sure life hasn’t been easy on you, and I just wanted to say… I hope we can be friends. I want you to feel welcome, okay? If you ever need anything, you can come to me. If you’re not comfortable asking Carmine, ask me.”
I nodded, so grateful I couldn’t quite find the words. “That means a lot to me. I’d really love it if we could be friends.”
“Fantastic. Now, tell me how you feel about Carmine, because I’ve caught a few looks from you, too.”
I felt heat pound into my lips and cheeks, and Cap laughed, teasing me until I couldn’t take it anymore. We stood and went for a walk, chatting about the city and the boys, about her upcoming wedding and about the Lowdown, and by the end, I felt like I was finally fitting in somewhere. She headed off to the bar, and I went to class, practically floating.
Was this what it felt like to have a friend? Cap seemed so genuine and nice, and while I’d never let my guard down so quickly with another person before, I wanted to trust her. I wasn’t ready to tell her all my deep, dark secrets, and I was sure she wasn’t ready to spill her guts to me either, but I could see something growing there. I could see a real, true friendship blossom if I let it.
The problem was, I didn’t know how. I’d never cultivated this kind of relationship before and I was worried I’d ruin it like I’d ruined so many other things over the years.
But I wouldn’t let myself go down that dark road. I’d come so far and tasted freedom, and I wasn’t going to let my insecurities ruin my very first true friendship. I’d known other children my own age, but they’d all been cousins, or children of the other cartel captains, and none of them cared about me beyond what I could do for their family. Cap was different. She had no reason to be my friend, other than because she wanted to.