“I love him more than anything, mama. That is why I left.” Her face scrunches up and she moves back.
“I know I am an old lady, but that doesn’t make sense to even me. Explain please.” I swallow and take a deep breath.
“During our talks about the future, he would say things about moving to the big city and seeing things away from here. I realized as much as we love one another, we want a different life. Or at least I thought so.” I mumble the last part, unsure of my own understanding now. I mean looking at that house, it doesn’t seem like he wants to leave.
“I love you dear girl, but I am disappointed. When you love someone, you talk to them, try to understand and compromise. You don’t run from them taking a piece of them with you. Furthermore, would it have been so bad to leave here, see more of the world before you settled down and had children? I mean essentially that is what you did going where you went.” I hang my head, the shame sharp and prominent. She is right. I left and saw different things, experienced a big city with my cousin and still came back. So what was all of this for?
“Did you know about the house?” I ask her. My eyes are still submerged in water.
“Of course. The entire town does. He has let no one step foot inside of it though beside his sister who helped him decorate. I hear he doesn't sleep in it either. His mom says he refused to live in it without you.'' She gives me a look of pity and I deserve it. How did I get it so wrong?
“Mom, I don’t know what to do. I really hurt him. I have never seen him so angry and sad. He didn’t even give me a chance to say anything.”
“The time to say something was before you left, my love.” Great mom. Kick me while I’m down. She is right though, and I should expect it. My parents are not the kind that will tell you what you want to hear. “However, if you are done getting in your own way, then I will remind you that you are just in time for Valentine’s Day. You have everything you can think of at your disposal. Get creative.” She pets my head like a recalcitrant child, but I find myself smiling. She is right. I thought I knew what I was doing, but now, faced with my choices and everyone I left behind, I can face the truth. I was a coward. But now I need to fix it. The Secret Valentine Event might be for those that are single, but the rules don’t say those in limbo can’t use it too. I am going to make this right one way or another.
Chapter Eight
MARK
THE NEXT DAY
I have been staring at the ceiling for the last three hours, unable to sleep. Normally on my off day, I don't awaken until nine, but here it is eight in the morning, and I have been contemplating, lamenting, and seething since five.
After I calmed down yesterday and sat with my family, we talked. More like I talked, and they listened. I opened up about my feelings and the struggle I am having with figuring out the next step because the only thing I can come up with is that she doesn’t love me. Well that revelation went over well. They all scoffed and ridiculed me, basically telling me I was crazy. The funny thing is, even when I said it, it didn’t ring true. So, after imploring me to do something to fix it and get to the bottom of it, they left me to stew.
After a few hours alone and a phone call from my best friend Larson, who also gave a one-two punch, I picked up the phone and had a dozen pink balloons, and a picture of us at the first dance we went to framed with the words, ‘It’s always been you’ etched into it. Since it is the start of the biggest holiday in this town and the Secret Valentine Exchange, I figured I could do my own spin on it since she is still mine.
Restless, wondering what she thought when she got it, I get up and trick myself into being hungry. I need something to do. I don’t smell any food cooking and no talking, so it is possible my parents and sister are already gone for the day. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I walk into the kitchen to find a bucket of movie popcorn and a photo. Picking it up, I smile.
Mark,
I think this picture says it all! There is a lot unsaid, mostly on my end, and I promise I am going to fix it. But I never want you to doubt that every beat of my heart is for you.