I have a stroller, a car seat and a huge umbrella in case it rains. Unlikely, but I’m covering all possibilities here. I rub my hands together and then leave the car. I bound up the porch to the front door. My hands are damp as I press the bell and I hope that my nervousness doesn’t show.
Valerie opens the door and ushers me in. “Emma is ready for you. She’s had her milk, but I’ve packed another one in case she gets hungry. There are diapers and everything you need to change her in the diaper bag.”
“Val, you’re even more nervous than Logan looks,” Morris says. “They are just going to the park.” He pats Emma on the back, and she lets out a loud burp. “There, now she’s really ready.”
“I know,” Valerie says and shoots me an apologetic look. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I’m used to having Emma with us.”
“You don’t need to explain and honestly, I understand,” I tell her.
I take Emma from her grandpa, and we leave with Valerie walking us out to the car. I fasten her in the back seat and place the diaper bag in the front seat.
“We’ll be just fine,” I tell Valerie.
“I know you will. And Logan, I’ve very proud of you. It can’t have been easy to learn that you’re a father without prior warning.”
“You and Morris have made it very easy for me,” I tell her and get in the car.
I wave goodbye and slowly guide the car back onto the road. I glance at Emma through the rearview mirror. She’s wide awake and glancing around her with interest. At four months, she’s become a delight and more aware of her surroundings. She can also roll from her back to her front, giggling as she does so. I can’t wait to see what the next couple of months will be like. She’s changing so fast.
We stop for a red light and when it turns green, I glance at the mirror and notice that the fool behind me is coming up too close.
“Idiot,” I say under my breath. “Can’t you see I have a baby in the back seat?” Obviously, he can’t hear me and continues to drive too close.
“Asshole,” I mutter. I’m relieved when we get to the park and Emma’s life is no longer in danger. I make a mental note to buy one of those big yellow stickers that say, ‘Baby on board.”
I park the car, remove the stroller from the trunk and unfold it. I’m a pile of nerves, but I’ve done this enough times with Ivy to know that I’m doing it correctly. I also made sure to buy the same type of car seat and stroller even though Vanessa was laughing at my nervousness the whole time. She offered to leave work early and come with me today, but I said no, it’s not necessary, but right now, as I lift Emma gingerly from the car seat to the stroller, I sort of wish I’d taken her up on her offer.
Still, Emma looks at me with her gorgeous trusting blue eyes as I fasten her into the stroller. I kiss her forehead when I’m done and reach into the car for the diaper bag.
“I think we’re ready for our walk, sweetheart.” I push the stroller slowly wanting Emma to see everything that the world has to offer.
We walk past a woman holding hands with a little boy. She smiles at me, and I smile back.
“It’s a beautiful day to be out,” she says and stops to peer into the stroller. “Girl, right? Congratulations. She’s beautiful. Enjoy your day.”
“Thank you. You too.”
I’m officially in the exclusive parents’ club that enables perfect strangers to converse with a ready topic. Pride fills me as we stroll along. It feels good to be addressed as Emma’s dad. We get several more smiles and waves. I walk Emma around the park and peer at her every few minutes to check that she’s all right and to reassure her that I’m still around. Not that she seemed worried. I’m slowly easing into this dad role and today I feel even more like Emma’s dad. We stop in the playground to watch children going down the slide, filling the air with their shrieks. Others are on the swings with their parents pushing them.
It’s a surreal experience and I suddenly wish that Ivy and Vanessa were here with us. I can’t wait to introduce them to Emma. My family has all met Emma. I’ve taken my parents with me on one of my visits as well as my brothers. Janice too has visited a couple of times without me. My mother and Valerie have struck up a friendship with Valerie calling my mom when Emma does something new. The only sad part about all this is that Jade is not here to see it.