Egotistical Puckboy (Puckboys 1)

We’re not supposed to be … toxic isn’t the right word. If he wanted out, I’d let him. But if I caught him with someone else while we were together, things would be unpleasant.

Westly Dalton might have been content to be Ezra’s side hustle, but there’s no way in hell that’s happening with me.

It’s not even really about the jealousy either. Once we end things, I’d be more than fine watching Ezra in a full-blown orgy without feeling a thing, but when I’m with a guy, I want to be the only one he’s thinking about.

And when things are cooling off, I’m the one who ends things.

My fear of rejection is way too strong to let anything else happen. It’s one of the reasons being traded stings so badly.

And maybe that’s part of why I don’t want to come out. Because no matter how much support is in the world, there will always be rejection as well. People will say cruel and hurtful things, and there’s no way around that.

By the time I’m back in the hotel room, I have a text waiting for me from Ezra, asking if I had a good sleep.

I chuckle, because game on, Ez. Is a wake-up call really the worst he can do?

It’s hot as balls in Texas, and Arizona is going to be no better, so after showering, I pull on a pair of sports shorts with the team logo and a T-shirt. Moreau is wearing the same.

“Damn, that game last night was a mess,” he says as we stuff all our things into our bags and leave. “Did you see Philly won five nothing?”

“I did. And I’m happy for them.”

“That could have been us.”

I understand what he means, and it’s a total rookie way of thinking. “But it wasn’t. I know it’s hard, the rejection sucks, and it’s even worse when the new team can’t get their shit together, but that’s our problem now. Trades happen, and we need to be able to adjust quickly, otherwise we’ll be replaced for good. You want to make a name for yourself? Focus. Forget about Philly, and show these guys you’re worth the money they’re paying you. There are worse jobs we could have.”

He chuckles. “That’s true. I feel like I’m doing so well, then I hit these roadblocks in my mind and can’t find a way around them.”

“All normal. No matter what level you’re at, they’ll still happen. You’ll just find better ways of figuring them out.” We get into the elevator, and I hit the button for the lobby.

“How do you?” he asks.

I picture Ezra on his knees again. Okay, so my ways of managing might not be exactly healthy, so that’s probably not advice I can give. “I remind myself of how lucky I am. I’ll buy something stupid because I can, I’ll find a way to give back—charity-type things but on the down low and not because I’ve been scheduled to do it—and when neither of those things work, I hook up. There’s nothing good sex can’t fix.”

The elevator opens into the foyer as those words leave my mouth, and it’s clear some of the team have overheard me when Larsen says, “I hooked up last night, and I already feel better about the game. Kind of.”

I refuse to look at Ezra, but I can feel him smirking in my direction.

Whatever. He already knows he’s a good lay … The blissed-out look on his face flashes through my mind again, and okay, maybe he’s better than good.

I’m determined not to show how tired I am as we head to the airport. When we finally step aboard the plane, I figure two hours is a good amount of time to sneak in a nap.

Until Ezra takes the seat next to me.

“You look like you could use some beauty sleep.”

I link my hands behind my head and turn to him. “I’m good, actually. Incredibly well rested. Best sleep I ever had.” I don’t even try to be believable because if Ezra calls me on it, he’ll give himself away.

We watch each other, both clearly trying not to smile and hoping the other person breaks first. But there’s only so long I can stare into Ezra’s pale blue eyes before my blood starts to heat. I cave first and avert my eyes.

Most of our team have spread out across the plane, some of them settling in to take naps, others playing on their phones, and most of them wearing AirPods to try and get out of their heads for a bit. Games like the one last night can stick with you if you let them, so like I said to Moreau, we need to learn how to bounce back fast. Arizona won their last game, so they’re going to be looking to exploit any weakness they can.