“How are you doing? I want the truth.” Her head was hanging down, and he brushed a few strands of her dark hair away and put them behind her ear.
She took a deep breath and let it out. “Physically I am doing okay. I am sore but not in any real pain. I know my family is worried. It’s hard, Noah. I close my eyes, and I see him reaching for me. It was so unexpected and terrifying. I have never been this close to violence. Now every noise makes me jump. I hate being such a baby, but I can’t help it.”
Noah felt air leave his lungs. She sounded so sad. He hated it. He wanted to see her smile again.
He hugged her tightly. At first she was tense and rigid, but he felt the moment she gave in and relaxed against him. He kissed her forehead and just held her in silence for a minute. It felt so good to hold her again. He wanted to be the rock she leaned on. Hell, he wanted to be whatever it was she needed to get through this rough patch. Even if she never forgave him.
“Give yourself time, Alana. You were robbed and violently attacked. That is scary. Nothing like that has ever happened here in Red Hook. People are worried and upset for you and your family,” he began slowly.
“I know. I have gotten cards and flowers from half the town. I guess I also feel guilty.” She said it so low he almost didn’t hear her.
He leaned closer. “Why?”
She sighed loudly, but she wouldn’t look at him. “When I was in the hospital and undergoing surgery, I felt so peaceful and warm. I wanted to just let go and never return. Life is painful.”
Noah sucked in his breath and tightened his hold on her, but he stayed silent. She was opening up to her feelings. He wanted to yell and let her know he couldn’t live without her.
“I knew my parents would grieve, but life goes on,” she continued. “I know it’s wrong to give up, but I felt so tired. I’m not sure what made me fight to come back. I woke up and remembered my thoughts. I have felt guilty ever since.”
Now was a good time to make his apology to her. He knew if her family had any say-so, they would never let him get this close to her again.
“I’m glad you didn’t let go, Alana. Your family needs you. I need you. I know life is painful, but it’s also beautiful, too. I made a lot of mistakes with you that I hate myself for. I reacted to my own fears without thinking about what I was doing to you. Even if you don’t want my friendship ever again, let me do my job. Tell me if you’re scared or concerned. I can come and sit with you, or you can come to my house and hang out. Adam and Liam like you. They were so pissed off at me for what I did. It took weeks for them to speak to me.”
He felt her nod her head yes, and he felt a sense of relief. It was a small start, but it was an opening, so he kept talking in a calm voice.
“If you just want to talk about the weather, I’m your guy. If you want to unload your feelings, I’m your guy.”
She looked up at him with a small smile. Her hand moved toward his face, and she rubbed his cheek softly. He placed a small kiss on her palm.
“You shouldn’t be so nice, Noah. I still have a lot of anger bottled up inside over what you did to me.”
A door opened, and Alana jumped in fright. He looked toward the door and saw Ray coming in with a white box in his hands. His smile changed into a scowl as soon as he spotted Noah with Alana.
“Get away from my sister. I’ll kick your ass if you hurt her again!” he yelled.
Noah stood up. If Ray came at him, he didn’t want Alana
hurt. He tensed his body, ready for a fight.
“It’s okay, Ray. I called him,” Alana said, her voice a little shaky. “Please don’t fight.”
Ray glared at him then smiled gently at Alana. He set a white box on the coffee table. “I cooked you chicken enchiladas, and I thought we could watch The Dawn.”
She smiled. It wasn’t the wide, happy grin he associated with her, but it was a small smile. Noah felt a pang of jealousy that it wasn’t for him.
“You’re going to watch a girl movie with me?”
Ray looked pained when he nodded. “You can’t tell anyone. I mean that, Alana.”
Alana smirked and opened the box.
She looked at Noah. “Thank you for coming right away. I’ll think about the counseling. And thank you for what you said. It means a lot to me, Noah.”
Noah leaned down and kissed her cheek. He was pleased when she didn’t flinch. “Night, Lana.”
He walked to the front door, wishing he could stay with her. He heard Ray’s footsteps behind him. When they were out on the porch, Noah waited for Ray to speak first.
Ray folded his arms across his chest. Noah knew Ray was angry, and he didn’t blame him, but he was not going to just walk away quietly. He was here to stay. Ray could beat him up, but he would just come back every day and check up on her.