She nodded. “Some. I heard the gossip. I don’t remember her much, though.”
“I thought what I felt was love. I begged her to stay, and she told me she needed more than I could give her. It dented my pride. I guess I never got over those words. She cheated on me constantly, but I kept trying with her anyway. It gutted me inside. I wanted to beg you to come back to me, but fear stopped me. What if you had moved on? What if you rejected me for revenge?” he admitted. “I’d make plans to go talk to you, then talk myself out of it. Until the night you were hurt. I knew in that moment I would never stop loving you. I could have lost you without ever letting you know you are worthy, Alana. I love you.”
Alana sighed and squeezed his hand. She was surprised he was being so honest and open. In the past they had flirted and kept any conversation casual and light.
“I sincerely hope you mean that, Noah. I hope it’s not some lame cliché of ‘I almost lost you, and I want you,’ then months later you leave me again. I have been in love with you for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like not to have those feelings. I have watched you date every blonde in town, and it broke my heart, but I had hope. Until that day in the restaurant when Cora smugly announced you had asked her out. I knew there was no way you could have any respect for me. I had to force myself to not see you, or I would have begged you to choose me over Cora.”
He stayed silent, and she wondered if she had gone too far and scared him off. She bit her lips and was about to apologize when he picked her up and set her back down on his lap. His thighs were hard, and she felt the bulge underneath his pants. He kissed her neck and shoulder, her cheek, and lastly her lips. The kiss was so soft and tender that it brought tears to her eyes. He wiped them away with his thumb.
“No more tears of sadness or regret. Tonight we start over.” He smiled, and she could see his golden eyes were shiny, too. “I was scared to admit that I loved you, but I do, Alana. Forever. I know I have to prove that to you, and I will. I love your gentleness and the way my chest expands when you smile at me, as if I am the only man in the world. I trust you, and that is scary. Being vulnerable is daunting. I have plenty of regrets, but no more. All I need is time to prove to you I’m all-in this time. Time has not erased one ounce of what I feel for you, so I know this is real. I will never cheat on you, Alana.”
“I get you were hurt before. Now I understand.” She did her best to put her mixed-up feelings and thoughts into something he would understand. “You hurt me so bad that I wasn’t sure I could recover. Now I am afraid to trust what we feel. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”
“You didn’t deserve that. I didn’t think. I just reacted to my panic.”
She could hear the sincerity in his voice.
“One more time, Alana. This time my goal is to make you feel happy and secure.”
He kissed her lips, and his hands went to her ass and squeezed softly. She giggled and stood up feeling light. This was Noah, her dream man. He had flaws, but he was real, and he was hers. Didn’t they both deserve a second chance?
“Is this for real, or am I dreaming?” she asked. There was a slight breeze in the night, and she felt it sweep through her hair. The stars were brighter than ever before, or was it just her good mood?
He stood up and swung her off her feet. He twirled her around until she was dizzy and giggling. “You belong to me now, woman,” he growled playfully. “I like this dream, so don’t wake me up.”
She placed her hand on his cheek. “So do I.”
She thought about sex, and she felt nervous all over again. What if she freaked out and panicked? She still dealt with nightmares and panic attacks. A year ago, all she thought about
was seducing Noah, but now it was different. She had a knife-wielding stalker after her. She also had the knowledge of what disappointment and heartbreak felt like.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
She looked up at his golden eyes, and then she laid her head on his chest. “I want to have sex with you. I just need to go slow.”
Noah placed his fingers on her lips, stopping her from saying any more. “Alana, I wasn’t expecting to go to my truck and have sex with you. I can control my needs.”
He ran his fingers through her hair. “I can wait until you feel ready. That’s not to say I won’t kiss you or touch you.”
She looked up at him through her lashes. “I love your touch, Noah. It makes me feel all mushy inside. I want to kiss you.”
He leaned down and took her mouth in a hot, steamy kiss. Her breasts swelled up and hardened. As if he read her thoughts, he cupped her breast in his hand and played with her nipple through the dress. She moaned into his mouth and felt his hard bulge rub against her stomach. Desire, this was a very familiar feeling with Noah.
They were both breathing hard. “Holy hell, woman.”
Alana giggled. “Let’s walk. I need the fresh air.”
Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her along the concrete path. Alana felt a light beat to her footsteps. She still had a little fear that something would mess things up. She hoped not, but living in fear was not healthy either. Like he said, time had not erased what they felt, so it was time to take a chance.
Chapter 13
Alana laid the blanket out on the grass. A cool breeze floated in the night air. This had always been her favorite spot to see the fireworks, on top of a hill at the edge of town. Ray and his friend Colin set down the ice cooler filled with drinks and beers. Alicia immediately grabbed a beer despite Ray’s frown. She rolled her eyes at him.
Alana settled for a cold soda, shaking her head at her two siblings.
She was disappointed Noah had to work. She was still determined to have a good night with her family. Tonight she wanted to relax and enjoy the firework show Red Hook was putting on. Drake was supervising the firework administrators, or he would have joined them, too. Her parents decided to watch the show from home, claiming they were tired. Alana knew they wanted a romantic night alone. That made her smile. Her parents had been married for more than thirty years. It gave her hope. If they worked at it, maybe she and Noah had a chance at real happiness. The possibility made her heart swell with joy. She had wanted, dreamed, of this for years. It was almost surreal that it was right there. She could almost reach out and grab it, but it was too intimidating. Alana looked out at the sun setting, giving the sky a beautiful, soft color. She thought about Noah, and she felt herself smile. It had been two weeks since their first date. She saw him at least three times a week, and they had grown closer. She felt so confident in what they were developing. On the days he couldn’t see her, he texted her or called her, and they really got to know each other. She had dinner with him at his house, or he came to the restaurant with one of his brothers. Each day she felt more hope. In the past she had always known he was holding a part of himself back. She had hoped it would disappear with time, but they had argued and stopped talking.
Alana heard the roar of Adam’s motorcycle and smiled. She had gotten to know Liam and Adam much better, and she enjoyed their company, too. Liam was just as wild as Alicia, and when the two of them were together, it made for fun, crazy times. Adam was so calm and so sad. Noah had explained how his future wife had died with his parents in a car accident. It only made her thankful she had one more time to make it work with Noah. So far, nothing else had been heard from her assailant. Why he called and threatened her, then disappeared, she had no idea, but it made her nervous.