Finding Faith (Red Hook 2)

e was ready to settle down? He didn’t want to give her hope when he wasn’t sure. That wouldn’t be fair. He had driven by and couldn’t resist the urge to see her. He was used to seeing her face on a regular basis and it was killing him inside to not even catch a glimpse.

“I assure you, Adam, I will be fine. I have been rejected before and I have survived without jumping off of a bridge,” she snapped, looking angry.

Faith took a deep breath and looked inside her shop. “Look, it’s almost closing time. I do have something to discuss with you. Can you give me twenty minutes to help Holly and Jenny close up?”

He nodded, not wanting to go back in there and deal with Holly again. “I’ll wait out here.”

She nodded and headed inside. He watched her through the window. She looked thinner and so tired. Had he done all that to her? This was all his fault. He knew Faith was not the kind to go in for casual affairs, but he had been so sure he could control his emotions and keep his distance. He was going to be honest and tell her about Josie. Maybe she would understand better why he couldn’t be in a relationship with her.

Chapter 7

Faith had Adam follow her home. Holly was going out to eat with friends then on to work. She led him inside to the living room. She was glad she had straightened it earlier this morning. The night he spent with her, they had not turned on any lights.

She sat on the couch with him. She didn’t know how to start. She had rehearsed so many different speeches in her head that now that she was face to face with Adam, she didn’t know what to say.

He looked uncomfortable and nervous. He sighed loudly and brushed his fingers through his loose hair. She wished she had the right to snuggle up to him and play with his hair. A small lamp gave the room a warm glow. She hadn’t bothered to put up a tree yet. Jenny and Kara, her two new girls, had put the one up at the shop. They had hung decorations all over the shop. She just didn’t feel the Christmas spirit right now. She was worried about her business falling and raising a baby alone.

“Can I go first?” he asked.

Glad for a moment to gather her thoughts into a logical, calm order, she nodded.

“Six years ago I was engaged to my high school sweetheart.” He started and she stared at him in shock. She had not been expecting to hear that. “Her name was Josie. We had many plans and dreams. She went with my parents Christmas shopping one day in Austin. “

Faith held her breath. The pain on his face told her this did not have a happy ending. His voice was flat and unemotional, but his eyes held an overwhelming look of deep sorrow. She wanted to hold him, but she knew he would not appreciate that.

“They must have hit a patch of ice. The car went off the road and turned over a few times. My parents died instantly,” he continued.

Faith put her hand over her mouth and she felt tears running down her cheek. “Oh god, Adam.”

“Josie was in a coma for two days before she slipped away.” He continued, looking at the wall. His voice was strained as if he hated remembering. His eyes were unfocused as if he was lost in his memories. “I swore that never again would I be put in a position to be vulnerable again. Never again would I allow myself to love another woman. I can’t.”

He looked straight at her. His golden eyes were dull and cold. “I like you, Faith. I went into your shop for months but never spoke to you because of that. I knew you were not the no-strings kind of gal, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I should never have let Alana talk me into going out with you.”

Faith sat up straighter, feeling the hurt stir up inside of her. “You mean if it wasn’t for your sister-in-law, you wouldn’t even have talked to me? Wow, that really makes me feel so much better, Adam. Someone forced you to ask me out. Did she force you to have sex with me too?”

“I didn’t mean she forced me.” He tried to backtrack, but it was too late. He knew he messed up and he winced. “I’m making a mess out of this. I hate emotional conversations. I always avoid this kind of crap.”

“No, it is getting clearer and clearer,” she said hoarsely. She could hear the anguish in her own voice. Hurt and anger were filling her heart up until it felt like it wanted to explode in her chest. “You’re saying you vowed never to love again after your fiancée died. You were attracted to me but had every intention of ignoring me forever until your sister-in-law bullied you into asking me to that fall festival. Is there anything else you would like to say to me?”

She stood up feeling agitated and started pacing. She put her arms around herself feeling cold and tired. Now she just wanted him to leave so she could go and feel sorry for herself under her warm covers. She wanted to shout with the unfairness of it all. She had fallen in love with a man who already loved someone else. He would not welcome her feelings. He would probably look at her with pity and she didn’t think she could handle that.

He sat in silence and she could see he was trying to think of something diplomatic to say.

“Save it, Adam. I get it now. There is no hope for us because you’re stuck in the past,” she said tiredly, feeling like she wanted to cry. She blinked back a few tears. “I wish Alana had stayed out of my business. I would be blissfully unaware of you, safe with just my fantasies of you.”

That got his attention and his lips curled up slightly. “You fantasized about me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. You are a sexy guy, but in my dreams you’re much nicer.”

He frowned and looked at her as if he wanted to argue with her.

“What did you want to discuss with me?” he grumbled. “I’m sorry I let you down, but it is better this way. We should make a clean break now before it gets any worse.”

Faith hesitated. Should she tell him now? He would hate to hear her news. It couldn’t get any worse, at least in his eyes.

She had to tell him and he could ignore the news if he wanted. Her conscience would be clear.

“First of all, thanks for explaining to me why you rejected me that night. I thought I did something wrong.”