He shook his head, his eyes wide with remorse.
“As a result of that night I am pregnant.” She spit the words out fast before she chickened out.
His mouth hung open and he looked horrified. That made her feel even worse even though she had expected that same reaction. Someone other than his dead fiancée was having his baby. He probably hated her right now and it hurt more than she thought it would. He couldn’t put the blame on her. They both wanted that night to happen and she had not been on the pill since it had been so long since she was even in a relationship.
She put her hand up before he could offer to pay for an abortion. “I am not asking you for anything, Adam. I can see now you have no room in your heart for anyone, not even a baby. I thought you should know but I am keeping this baby and I am raising him or her alone.”
“We used condoms,” he stuttered, looking visibly shaken. “How the hell did this happen?”
It made her feel sad and angry that he disliked the idea so much.
“I don’t know, but it happened. I have been to the doctor. I am seven weeks along. My last boyfriend was over a year ago and I hadn’t slept with anyone since.”
He put his face in his hands and stayed silent. Then he stood up. “No wonder your sister was so angry with me.”
Faith nodded. “I’d avoid the bar while she is working. She is liable to poison your drink.”
He grimaced. “I don’t know what to say, Faith. My head is overwhelmed at this moment. I never wanted children with anyone else besides—”
Faith ignored the pain in her heart and swallowed down her hurt. “Josie. I get it, Adam. I am not good enough for you.”
“I didn’t say that, Faith. I just don’t want emotional entanglements.” She could hear the irritation in his voice and it pissed her off. Emotional entanglements? That’s all she and the baby were to him? Burdens to resent?
“There is nothing more to say, Adam. You don’t want me and now you are so obviously horrifi
ed about this baby. Well, we don’t need you. I will not allow you to make this baby feel like he is not worthy of love because his mother is someone you had a one-night stand with.” Suddenly she just wanted him gone before she broke down and cried. Her heart ached. Why did she think she would ever find love? Her own father never loved her and her mother had loved drinking more than her own children. Just because you craved something didn’t mean you would get it.
“I don’t expect anything from you, Adam, so just go. You’re free to wallow in the ‘what used to be.’ I am no danger to your memory of your true love and neither is this baby.”
“I should be a part of this baby’s life,” he insisted, but he didn’t sound sure. She didn’t want his obligation or his duty. That was just too painful of an idea. She wanted what he couldn’t give her. Love. Acceptance.
“No. I know what it’s like to feel rejected by your parents, Adam. I don’t want my baby feeling like he wasn’t good enough to be loved. I will love our child enough for the both of us, but if you are constantly hanging on to the past, refusing to move forward, all you will do is hurt him the way you hurt me.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Faith,” he insisted, looking a little gray in the face.
“I know, Adam.” She sighed. “Look, I am exhausted. Can you please leave?”
“Is your health okay?”
She nodded. “Morning sickness is very inconvenient when you have a business to open up at six AM.”
“I’m off for the next two days. I can come in and help you,” he offered eagerly.
She was tempted, but if she spent time with him, she would never get over him. “No thanks. I’ll survive. It’s better if we stay away from each other. I know you have no feelings for me, but I care about you, Adam. If we see each other, it will be hard on me. That’s not fair.”
“I’m sorry, Faith.” He looked guilt-ridden. Those few words conveyed a wealth of emotions. Regret. Sorrow. He would never open his heart long enough to let someone else in.
She led him to the door and opened it. She fought to keep the disappointed tears at bay. “Have a nice life, Adam. Please find a new place to drink your coffee. Perhaps your sister-in-law’s restaurant.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just nodded and left. She closed the door and locked it. She leaned against the door and let the tears fall. She sank to the floor and cried for her broken dreams.
“I’m sorry, little one.” She rubbed her stomach. “I’ll pour out all the love I have on you and give you the best life possible. You won’t have a daddy, but you will have a terrific aunt and possibly a grandmother.”
She wasn’t sure how long she cried before getting up and going to bed. Tomorrow things would look better, she told herself. They had to.
* * * *
Adam had to confide in someone or he would go crazy. He went to the police station knowing his brother would be there.