Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“I was just being funny. She shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

Really? Her sensitive?

“I don’t find your sarcasm funny and neither does Kat.”

“You know Gabrielle I’m getting a little sick of your constant complaining about how I treat Keegan.” James was frowning at me as he scooped Keegan’s eggs onto his fork and shoveled them into his mouth. His manners could use some fine-tuning too. ‘You should concentrate a little more on how you treat me.”

“You know James I’m getting a little sick of you,” I replied turning off the burners on the stove before leaving the room.

James’s head turned as he watched me leave; mouth open staring in bewilderment. I had found my cojones in the kitchen that morning. That was the only satisfaction that I had this morning. James shocked at my outburst. I wasn’t a confrontational person which he knew well but he brought out the worst in me.

#

Later in the afternoon, James gone for hours, his send-off a perfunctory kiss on the cheek leaving me empty and cold. In the barn with Spider Littie our neighbor came by to visit. In his stall, one hand caressed his warm, silky coat lovingly while with the other I vigorously brushed him. We had just returned from a ride. His coat was warm to my touch like my own flesh. Galloping freely through the pastures the tension in my body had vanished with the fierceness that I had pushed him.

I heard her footsteps before I heard her sweet, tempered voice. “I saw you get back darlin’,” Littie spoke to me as she entered through the open door. Her accent was a soft, Southern drawl typical of Kentucky. “What did the asshole do this time?”

Littie was Yancy’s age but not nearly as beautiful. She was short and round with dark, graying hair and light blue eyes. She had round spectacles that she wore on the end of her nose most times. Her waist long hair was pulled severely back from her face and secured with a rubber band hanging in a long ponytail of curly waves. Littie only wore make-up and styled her hair on Sunday mornings when she and Virgil went to church then to brunch in town at Sissy’s Place.

Littie wore a torn, worn pair of blue jeans and a flannel shirt that doubtless belonged to her husband, as it was so large on her it hung to her knees. She and Virgil lived on the farm that his father’s family had owned for generations. The first day that we had moved into the farmhouse down the street Littie was on the doorstep with freshly baked bread. Between us and Kat we had our belongings put away by sundown. James was nowhere to be found. He had made excuses about having work to do in the city.

I smiled a smile that reached the soft darkness of my nearly black eyes turning them the color of a stormy sea. “How are you this morning?”

“My knees are bothering me but otherwise I’m good,” she replied. “I wouldn’t allow it to be otherwise.”

“How’s Virgil?” I asked avoiding her question about the asshole I was married to while brushing Spider. I didn’t want to talk about James. Thinking about him ruined my mood, which was better now that I had relieved some tension on my ride with Spider.

“He’s fine too sweetie. I’m not put off that easily. Now, what did he do?” She had that knowing look on her face.

“Insulting Kat as usual. Anything that comes out of his mouth just makes me want to scream.” Littie understood my pain. She understood my anger. “He can’t say the word hello without annoying me,” I admitted to only her. My neighbor, my friend, unable to meet her gaze I concentrated on Spider. “She left without eating breakfast.”

“How’s Kat doing otherwise?” Her friend asked softly without judging or offering advice that I hadn’t asked for and didn’t really need.

“Just like this morning, she runs away from him or she hides out in her room on the nights that he’s home or she stays late at a friend’s house.”

“She’ll survive sweetie. She’s a strong kid. You know what you want to do. Follow your heart.”

We had been talking about this for too long. I knew what to do. I knew what I wanted to do. I didn’t know how to do it.

“My heart isn’t too bright or I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.”

Littie didn’t want us to leave Eden. We had formed a close friendship but she understood better than anybody that I desperately needed to be free of this man whose moods were growing uglier with every passing day.

“The answer darlin’ is staring you in the face,” Littie said gently.

She was standing outside the stall leaning over the heavy wood railing that kept Spider locked inside. Glancing up I met her gaze across the broad back of the mare. Her grayish-white coat was shimmering from the brushing. Her coat spotted with black areas of various shapes and size was a beautiful.

“But my only alternative is Yancy.” There I had finally said it. I would have to move back home to my pain in the ass mother. Love her dearly but still big pain in the ass. “I haven’t prepared myself for leaving one form of hell to return to…well Hell.”

“Gabby, I understand darlin’ and believe me I don’t want you to leave us. Virgil and I would miss you and Keegan dearly but you need to do what will make you happy and James Ellerton isn’t it. Before it gets any uglier darlin’,” she professed.

Littie was right, I knew. I declared, “Come inside. We’ll have some coffee.” Laying Spider’s brush on the simple pine table outside his stall I closed the gate behind me and heard the latch click into place before leading Littie out of the barn.

Our boots made a soft muffled sound against the dirt floor of the barn as we strode out into the cool, fall air. Closing the barn door, I shivered slightly as sweat had cooled my skin and I wore only a heavy denim shirt over my green tee to keep warm. The sun shone overhead. It was a beautiful, crisp day even though the trees were bare and the grass wasn’t nearly as green as in spring and summer. The weatherman definitely wrong. No sign of rain on the horizon. Clouds white and fluffy and sky blue and clear. My headache was gone.

We were chatting about nothing when I opened the back door to enter the mudroom and heard the phone ringing off the hook. I picked up the extension behind the back door.

“Hello,” I said into the receiver, my voice soft and tired.