“Has Nana told you how sick Grandma Esther is?” I asked her scrutinizing her face through the haze of alcohol that I had consumed.
“Yes, she said she’s in the hospital. Is it really that bad Mom? I know that Nana exaggerates.”
“I saw Kerry tonight at Paddy’s. He said his mother is dying.” There was no excuse to sugar coat things with Keegan. Straight forward and to the point was best. My daughter gasped. At her father’s name or her grandmother’s health I wasn’t sure. “You okay?” I asked.
Then came the tears. Kat’s eyes filled with tears. Was she crying because her grandmother was dying or because I had seen Kerry? Still I had no answers because my daughter wasn’t talking.
“Kat come here,” I said to her and scooted over resting her head against my chest I held her in my arms. “I’ll take you to the hospital tomorrow to see Esther. It won’t be easy honey but I’ll be there with you.”
“Will Kerry be there?” She asked in a choked whisper, she raised her head to look into my face. I nodded. “Does he want to see me?” She asked uncertainly. I nodded again. “Wow.” She choked on the one word.
“Are you okay with that?” I asked my daughter.
“It will be weird but yes…I think I’m okay with that.”
“I can stay with you through that as well. As long as you want but I think from what he said he would like to see you alone for at least a little while
.”
“I can do that I think.”
“Good.”
“What do you think you will say to him?” I asked Keegan.
I could only imagine what Keegan had to say to Kerry. Her heart had to be full of pain that she needed to unload on him but would it be appropriate at the hospital? I was so confused.
“What do you mean?”
“Keegan, I understand that he has caused you some pain by not being in your life. Are you angry? Hurt? What are you feeling? What do you think you might want to say to him? Is the hospital tomorrow the place to do it?”
“Mom, I just want to see him then I’ll know what to say,” Keegan replied. “I’m curious.”
“Curiosity killed the Kat,” I said trying to be funny.
“Ha Ha,” Keegan replied sniffing back the tears.
“Want to sleep with me tonight?”
“Yes,” she answered.
As a little girl Keegan had slept with me night after night. At ten she decided she was now a big girl and big girls didn’t sleep with their mommy. I had missed having her beside me more than she missed me. Keegan and I talked until two in the morning. The alcohol was making me sleepy but this time with her felt good. She refreshed me. Without James to bring me down I was happy for the first time in a long time.
#
In the morning, Yancy opened the bedroom door and pulled up the blinds.
“It’s a beautiful morning Gab…good God Keegan doesn’t still sleep with you does she?” Yancy asked surprised to find Kat in bed with me.
“No Yancy. She’s a big girl now. We save these special occasions for when we visit Nana’s house. She’s afraid of the third floor,” I replied ominously rising from the bed.
“What has your mother been telling you Keegan?”
“Nothing Nana, she’s just pulling your chain,” Kat replied sleepily rubbing her eyes.
Yancy sighed with annoyance. “Pull another person’s chain will you?” She didn’t wait for my answer. “Will you be ready to go to my appointment?” She asked reminding me exactly why I was here. Her hands on her hips reminding me that she was my mother.
My first inclination was to say no but contritely I responded, “Yes, Yancy. I’ll be ready. Where’s Gem?”