Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“She already left. She has to be at work by eight.”

“I wish she had said goodbye,” I said somewhat petulantly.

“She didn’t want to bother you,” my mother replied. “Now get ready. I don’t want to be late for my appointment.”

The woman with her mood swings just like James was making me nauseous or maybe it was the shots from the previous night?

Chapter Six

Doctor Winkle’s office had not changed in the years that he had treated my own minor illnesses. My mother saw him for everything from gynecology to gastroenterology. I personally needed a different doctor for different parts of my body. My girlie parts needed a gynecologist not an internal practitioner. The annual gynecologist visit was awkward enough for me once a year but to have your internist also treat your flu systems too was more than I could endure after doing your pap smear? My mother felt differently.

The green leather chairs in his waiting area were in good condition but still uncomfortable as hell like sitting on a boulder. My mother signed herself in, saying hello and sharing gossip, of course to the nurse who had been with Doctor Winkle since I was small. Then she and I sat side-by-side waiting for her name to be called. She flipped through a magazine while she waited. I wasn’t in the mood to read so I stared at the plain green ugly carpet, probably carpet squares, then the ceiling a dropped ceiling, wondering why she really brought me here.

“I know you’re unhappy,” Yancy said out of the side of her mouth in a conspirator’s whisper without taking her eyes from the magazine she thumbed through.

“What?” I asked staring stupidly at her as if I hadn’t actually heard what she had said. I had heard her. I just couldn’t figure out why she chose this opportunity to discuss it in the waiting room with three other people straining to hear our conversation. I smiled at the nosy patients urging them to go back to their own magazines.

I scanned through the pile of magazines on the plain oak table in front of the chairs where we were sitting. Nothing caught my eye. The usual magazines at a doctor’s office, People, Self, Parent’s Magazine and more.

“You are unhappy,” she declared again leaning towards me speaking out of the side of her mouth again as if no one else could hear her.

“Yancy, not now,” I said with exasperation.

“Why not?” She asked indignantly laying the magazine in her lap.

“Because there are people in the waiting room.” I tried to whisper.

They could hear me. They went back to reading their magazines or at least pretending to.

“Keegan is unhappy too.”

“You’re right Yancy. Keegan and I are both unhappy in Kentucky.” My voice was slightly louder than I intended. No show here. Go back to your magazines. I smiled at the other patients once again.

“Living with James,” she added to my statement.

“Living with James,” I agreed even louder than I had intended. People were now openly staring at us all pretense of reading their magazines put aside.

God, I was uncomfortable sitting here with everyone knowing my business. We were silent then. I resented my mother bringing out the notion that I was unhappy in my marriage into the open. She would use this ammunition to wear me down and eventually bring me back to Hell making my life well…hell. We were silent again waiting for her name to be called.

“My home is your home,” she finally said unable to keep quiet any longer.

“Thanks Yancy,” I replied noncommittally.

Then we were sitting in uncomfortable silence once again while Yancy pretended to read her magazine. I knew she was not actually reading it because she had been on the same page for five minutes. I was surprised she hadn’t imploded trying to keep quiet.

Finally, I looked at my mother, “What?” I snapped.

“I just don’t understand why you stay with him,” Yancy explained to me.

“Because I’m a glutton for punishment,” I replied unhappily.

“Is the sex that great?” she whispered.

Oh for God’s sake. Surprised I glanced at her then at the floor. Really ugly shade of green that carpet is. What sex? “Yancy, can we drop this please?”

When Doctor Winkle’s nurse called her name I automatically rose with her and started to walk to the door, following behind her. After all isn’t that why she brought me here?

“Gabrielle, I would like to go in there by myself.”