Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

when you get home,” Keegan echoed my thoughts sarcastically.

We all waited on the wrap around porch until Belle was out of sight. Then turning on my heel, I wrapped my arm around Kat and headed indoors leaving James behind in the frigid winter air.

#

The next week of anticipating the date of my mother’s surgery was endless. Sometimes James didn’t come home, came home late deliberately waking me or was home early and made my life hell. There was no middle ground with him right now. His lists of errands and chores for Kat and I grew longer and longer as if he could keep us here if he gave us enough work to do.

Many times, I tore his lists up and flushed them down the toilet eager to watch the pieces swirl and then disappear in the bowl. One evening when he handed me a list for the next day I snapped.

“James I’m surprised that you don’t put sex on our list of things to do.”

My comment only reminded him that we had not had sex in eleven months, a fact that I had been happy to ignore recently. Sex was the last thing on my mind where James was concerned.

“I’ll try to fit you in before you leave again,” he said sarcastically.

“Don’t do me any favors,” I snapped.

His moods were also greatly affected by the number of times that Kerry called for Kat that week and if I spoke to him for any length of time before handing her the telephone. James had a tirade, berating me repeatedly for talking to Kerry for ten minutes the night before we were to leave for Hell.

Kerry was explaining to me that his mother was holding on but in a great deal of pain. I felt sorry for him being alone and dealing with this situation by himself. I was interested in his mother’s condition because it affected my child. She loved Esther McCoy. Esther was her grandmother. James could not tolerate the bond that held Kerry and me together…Kat. Nobody needed to know that Kerry was telling me how much he loved me too although I couldn’t respond in kind because James was always hovering.

James was much harsher with Kat about keeping her room clean and doing her chores on time. He interrogated her about her grades. Kat was a straight-A student and didn’t need interrogation. It was none of his fucking business anyway. She was currently tied for Valedictorian of her senior class a fact James found hard to believe because she appeared so disorganized and untidy to him. No matter what I said to him he wouldn’t let up on either of us. I could withstand his constant badgering but I didn’t want Kat to have to suffer too.

He was an ass and I was grateful we were leaving soon. My daughter and I needed an escape from his madness. We needed respite from the constant harassment. We needed relief from the tension surrounding us in this house. I didn’t know how Keegan was doing so well in school with the tension that she had to deal with at home.

#

The morning that we were to leave for Hell my mother called. Kat was still packing her clothes and schoolbooks as she had her homework to do while we were gone. I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes eager to be on the road when the telephone rang. My clothing and toiletries were packed and waiting on the porch. Wiping my hands on a towel I retrieved from the handle of the stove I grabbed the receiver from the cradle and tossed the damp towel over my shoulder.

“Hello,” I said breathlessly.

“Gabrielle, I need two favors dear.”

“Hi Yancy. What can I do for you?” I asked not expecting what my mother asked of me. I had expected her to ask me to stop at the grocery store or pick up her laundry from town’s drycleaners before I came to her house.

“One, would you call your sisters before you leave and tell them about my surgery?” She asked.

“What?” I nearly yelled into the phone. “Why haven’t you told them? You said you were going to tell them right after I left last time. Then you told me you would tell them on Thanksgiving.”

“Gabrielle, I just couldn’t tell them. You know how emotional Michaela is and I just couldn’t face that whole scene with her and Adin has been so busy with her new boyfriend I haven’t been able to talk to her except at Thanksgiving. I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s Thanksgiving by sharing this news with them.”

With Thanksgiving and then James and his lists I actually hadn’t talked to my sisters in the last several days except for a few minutes to say hello which was unusual for us. Listening to them and their difficulties, offering advice when asked, I hadn’t asked them about Yancy’s surgery. They hadn’t caught on when I had said; “I’ll see you soon.” I had just assumed. I should never assume anything where Yancy was concerned.

“How could you do this to me?”

“Don’t be fussy with me.” She sounded petulant. “I couldn’t tell my girls.”

“You told me,” I snapped.

“You’re different,” Yancy replied.

“You have told Pop?”

“Of course dear,” She replied as if I were stupid. How had Pop kept this from them?

Incredible. The woman was simply incredible. She was having surgery day after tomorrow and she had told no one. “Yancy, are you sure you don’t want me to wait until I get home?” I asked with sarcasm.

She missed my sarcastic tone. “No dear. I’m sure that you can handle Michaela and the others on the phone and let them know it isn’t a topic I want to broach.”