Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“Gabrielle, I’m afraid.”

My strong, independent mother with a mouth that was uncontrollable looked vulnerable and scared like a small child. I got up from my chair and crossed over to hers. She scooted over in the large recliner and with me sitting half on the seat and half on the arm I held my mother in my arms unable to find the words that could comfort her because I was afraid too.

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James called at nine o’clock angry with me that I had not checked in with him upon my arrival. I was too tired to care. Yancy suggested that I put him out of my mind on this trip and try to figure things out. Little did she know that I had everything all figured out except how to get out of my marriage. I loved Kerry McCoy.

Kerry stopped by while I was on the phone with James. He had just left the hospital and was tired. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked pale. Kat flew down the stairs and into his arms. Their phone conversations were mending the bridge that had separated them for seventeen years.

“Is that McCoy?” James asked nastily.

“Yes. He stopped by to see Kat.”

“I’ll bet he did,” James replied sarcastically.

“James, don’t start. I’m too tired to go into this with you. You’re like a broken record.” I clenched the white telephone handset tight in my hands. “If there’s a problem in our marriage it isn’t Kerry McCoy.”

“Obviously I’m the problem. That is what you think,” he declared angrily.

I sighed heavily wishing that he had not called. I had enough on my mind with my mother’s surgery without having to deal with him. I had my back to everyone in the room not realizing they were all listening to my side of the conversation.

“James, I never said that.”

I didn’t realize how intensely sad my voice sounded until I casually turned around and saw the three of them standing in the doorway to the den staring at me with pity. Tears welled in my eyes inexplicably.

“James I need to hang up now. I’ll talk with you after my mother’s surgery.” I hung up the phone and walked out of the den with my head down so they wouldn’t see the tears flowing down my cheeks. I needed some space quickly.

Chapter Ten

Oblivious to those watching me, I passed by the front door then went back opened it and stepped outside into the cold winter night air. The heavy screen door slammed shut with much more force than I had intended to use. Turning right I walked to the corner of the porch and sat down in the porch swing. My father had built the swing when he and Yancy first moved in. The familiar creak of the swing soothed me reminding me of fond memories of my youth.

Gently, I rocked back and forth watching my breath billowing out in front of me in the freezing temperatures. I thought about the many days that I had sat here with Kerry or one of my girlfriends like Issy or one of my sisters. Issy and I would sit here so the boys would see us and stop to talk. Kerry and I sat here to escape my mother’s watchful eye. We could always scoot apart quickly enough should she open the squeaky screen door to check on us.

What had happened to those carefree days when nothing mattered but having fun and getting my homework done? Suddenly tears were rolling freely down my cheeks. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed Kerry standing in front of me. He had quietly shut the screen door unlike me.

“Is there room for me?” He asked.

Quickly I glanced up at him. In the pale moonlight that cast shadows across the porch but gave e

nough light I could clearly see his face. Taken back there was a time so long ago when we had sat here and I had told him I was pregnant with Keegan. How had he reacted? I tried to remember his face, his words and his actions. How would any eighteen-year-old boy react? He was shocked. He was upset. He had promised to make things right. He had promised to never leave my side. Then he had left me broken and brokenhearted.

Scooting over on the seat I gave him the room he needed to sit down. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into the comfort of his embrace. Gently the swing rocked back and forth. While Kerry held me I sobbed wetting his shirt with my tears.

“This is becoming a bad habit,” I joked.

His arms grew tighter.

“Gabby?”

“What?” I asked in a choked whisper.

My breath was warm against his neck, as I had turned my head upwards when he spoke my name which caused him to shiver.

“If you are unhappy please come home,” he said huskily.

To what? How long will you be here? I wondered but I said, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Kerry asked me so softly against my hair that I shivered. “You’re cold?”