Children had always been important to me. There was a time when I wanted to have three or four children myself. I was grateful for Keegan but I had always wanted more. Keegan had always wanted a brother or sister. Shaking my head to clear the negative thoughts I realized that there were too many things that I regretted about my life’s choices. Choices that I could make now would give me a path that would make my life and Keegan’s what it should have been seventeen years ago. Maybe even another child? Something Kerry and I had not discussed. Suddenly there was hope though.
Issy was a stay at home mom while her husband Dylan worked in Detroit for a Bank as a VP of Desktop Support. He was a computer nerd and Issy was always screwing up their computer. Dylan was home with their children tonight while Issy came to the funeral home with Patrick.
Issy’s mom had died last year. For a reason that I couldn’t remember but had something to do with James I hadn’t been able to be here for her. She had understood she said. We were friends. There was a strong bond that couldn’t be broken even when we didn’t speak to each other for weeks at a time. That is what I liked about Issy. I knew that no matter what I could call her day or night and she would be there for me even if all I needed was to hear her voice. We had been on the phone for nights, weeks on end until the pain in Issy’s heart lightened until she didn’t need me as much. That is what friends were for.
I told Issy things that I couldn’t tell any of my sisters for fear that th
ey would tell Yancy who needed no ammunition. Issy didn’t judge me. She listened when I needed her and advised only when I asked for it. I gave her the same respect although she needed my advice a lot less than I needed hers. Just the sound of her voice could lift my spirits.
At nine o’clock the funeral home closed its doors. Tomorrow Esther would be laid to rest at the town’s cemetery in a private graveside service that only Kat, Kerry and I were going to attend. After that, I had to go to the hospital to see my mother. Kat and Kerry were going to Esther’s house to sort through some of her things. Kat wanted a few knickknacks that had meant a great deal to her grandmother and all her grandmother’s jewelry would go to Kat as well. They had decided that the clothes would go to charity. The two of them had a busy day planned for tomorrow while I visited with Yancy.
#
The phone was ringing off the wall when I returned from Esther’s wake. The message light flashed and the number was three unheard messages. I knew the messages were from James and that he was probably on the phone now. In desperation, I had to pee I asked Kat to grab the phone. Without thinking Kerry grabbed it instead as he was closest.
“This is Kerry,” I heard him say. I was in the bathroom but left the door ajar so that I could hear who was on the phone. “She’s in the bathroom. Can you hold please?” He asked politely but with an edge to his voice I knew who it was...
“Who is it?” I asked calling out to him from the bathroom while I washed my hands prolonging the agony.
Kerry walked over to the door. He had lain the receiver down by the phone’s cradle. “It’s your husband,” he informed me harshly. Was it jealousy? I wondered at the edge to his voice. “He’s not happy,” he added softening his tone with me.
“I can only imagine,” I answered so quietly that I wasn’t sure he heard me. I breezed past him without looking at him and retrieved the phone from the desk.
I didn’t even get to say hello before he was screaming at me. Holding the phone away from my ear I could hear him perfectly as could Kerry and Keegan, as he shouted obscenities at me.
“Are you through?” I asked when the phone was suddenly silent.
“No,” he answered. “You should be home with me instead of hanging around that mother fucker.”
I scratched my forehead not that it itched. I was frustrated. When he was angry his profanity only worsened.
“That man happens to be the father of my daughter. We were at the wake tonight for his mother. I loved his mother. You don’t know how much. She treated me with kindness, love and respect.” Something Belle Ellerton didn’t know how to do. “I paid my respects. We will bury his mother tomorrow.” I fucking made sure James knew that this was another we event taking place. I was there for Kerry as much as I could be. “He needs Keegan, his daughter. He needs me too. I’ve known him my whole life. I’m sorry you can’t handle that,” I told him irritated and pissed off.
“Go to hell you selfish bitch,” he screamed before slamming down the phone on his end, which I was not expecting and caused me to jump nearly out of my skin.
A sad sound, a sigh I guess escaped my lips. I laid the receiver down on its cradle and turned to face Kerry who was standing close to me, only a few steps behind me so close he could have touched me but he didn’t. He was scowling. Keegan was standing by the front door. She still hadn’t closed the heavy door. She stared at me too.
“Does he always talk to you that way?” He asked sympathetically but he was angry too.
“Yes,” my daughter answered before I could. We both looked at her.
“I’m afraid more often than not these days.” Sigh. “If he isn’t screaming at one of us then he’s not talking to either of us.” Glancing at my daughter I saw that she had tears in her eyes. Sigh. What a fuckup I was becoming?
“Why do you stay with him Gabrielle?” He asked almost desperately. I was in trouble I knew. He had used my full name.
“I wish that I had an explanation,” I told him gazing at him looking for his understanding. Keegan definitely didn’t understand. She lived through it. No understanding there.
He wasn’t about to give it to me. “I love you,” he said so softly that I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly. Not in front of Keegan. We hadn’t decided to do this in front of our daughter. My chest tightened. “I’ll never talk to you that way.”
I blinked surprised by the thought that Kerry would think I would even consider he would treat me the way that I allowed James to treat me. That was the key, I told myself. James treats me this way because I allow him to.
“I know you won’t,” I told him. I patted his arm in a gesture of comfort? Companionship? Relief? God knew. “Where do we go from here?” I asked.
Kerry gazed at me long and hard. Then he glanced over his shoulder at Keegan who was intently watching us. “Keegan, can I have a minute alone with your mother?” He asked. She nodded and walked up the stairs. When she was on the third floor and out of earshot he said, “I have to return to Chicago. I’m selling my mother’s home. Issy’s husband sells real estate on the side. He’s going to list it for me.”
“Chicago?”
“I’m president of a company Gab. Hard to believe huh?” He asked.