“You okay?” He asked knowing that I was shaken by Keegan’s outburst.
“I need to get my life in order if only for my daughter’s sake.”
Kerry kissed my forehead.
“Our daughter and I hope you do it for more reasons than just Keegan. You also deserve to be happy you know. We deserve to be happy.”
#
Keegan, Kerry and I separated after the graveside service. They went to Esther’s house. I went to the hospital alone. My mother was vomiting in the bathroom when I arrived in her room. It was a heartbreaking scene watching her suffer. My father was sitting on the floor behind her holding her in his arms while she threw up. The life had been drained from her eyes. I had never seen them like this taking care of each other. I knew their love was deep but they weren’t expressive of it usually. My father’s face looked strained.
“Pop what happened?” I asked.
“She’s allergic to a medication they gave her.”
“Pop, you need a break?” I asked.
He seemed somewhat relived. He stood stiffly.
I sat on the cold tiled bathroom floor holding my mother’s head against my chest while she whimpered into my neck. Tears rolled down my cheeks and splashed onto her hair. In a few weeks, when she started chemotherapy she would lose that vibrant red hair that was her signature. God, I prayed silently sitting there holding her in my arms, help me help her through this. Her body shivered against mine. I wasn’t sure that I had the strength for both of us.
Kat and Kerry arrived at four o’clock and found me staring at Yancy, holding her hand in mine. She was resting comfortably now. The nurses had given her medication to help stop the vomiting and the shivering had stopped. Her reaction over. Kat touched my shoulder causing me to jump. I turned, my lip trembling I fought to hold the tears back. The day had been stressful to say the least.
“Mom, where’s my aunts?” She asked.
“I don’t know. I didn’t even think of them,” I replied shakily.
“I’m sorry you’ve been alone. You need a break. Dad,” she said turning to Kerry, “Mom needs some coffee, something to eat? I’ll stay with Nana while you’re gone. Take her to the cafeteria please.”
I rose on shaky legs and took Kerry’s hand for support. At the door I stopped him and turned back to see my daughter sitting in the chair I had vacated holding my mother’s hand. Yancy would be safe with Keegan, I knew. Only then did I feel comfortable leaving my mother alone. Pop had gone home again for a shower, food and a nap. In the elevator I was holding Kerry’s hand then suddenly I was in his arms sobbing.
“You should have seen her this morning,” I told him through deep breaths and sobs.
“I know,” he replied and he did.
He had watched his own mother die this week from the same horrible disease. We had just buried her that morning. He caressed my back and comforted me as best he could but the pain of losing his own mother so recently was strong in him.
#
My mother came home from the hospital before the end of our
trip. My last night home, my sisters gathered at my mother’s house for one last hurrah. A Dawson women hurrah! Michaela brought Wynne with her but Jack was too busy to visit with his Aunt Gabby or his grandmother just out of the hospital. I hadn’t seen my nephew in a long time. Byron stayed at home unable or unwilling to face my mother and father. Michaela had another black eye that she insisted happened when she fell in the bathroom.
We all knew better and Wynne sadly confirmed our suspicions when Micki went to the bathroom. I felt sorry for my niece who seemed unwilling to hide her father’s actions as easily as my sister tried to protect her jackass of a husband. Gem and Adin arrived together. Troy needed to rise early for work so he had elected to stay home. Most men knew what the Dawson women hurrah meant after being in our family for a while. Troy had been smart to stay home. Usually, food, alcohol and tears were involved. Men weren’t good with tears.
Adin had not asked Brad to come not wanting to introduce him to all of us at once. Why overwhelm the man? Why scare him right off the bat? I couldn’t blame her. Dawson women one at a time could be overwhelming but together it was madness. We were an overwhelming bunch. I had not met Brad but there would be time in the future. I could see my sister wouldn’t be letting this guy go anytime in the near future.
My decision had been made. I was going to go home and tell James that I wanted a divorce. I wanted to come home. At midnight Kat kissed her aunts and Nana goodnight. I squeezed her hand as she passed by me on her way to her bedroom on the third floor. Wynne asleep on the den’s sofa. Kat urged her cousin awake and they went upstairs together. They were bunking down for the night in Kat’s room.
Softly the remainder of Dawson women talked surrounding our mother who sat in her recliner by the old stone fireplace in the living room, watching her as if she might disappear. Pop had long gone to bed at nine-thirty.
“How’s Brad dear?” My mother asked Adin.
“He’s fine Yancy.”
“That is good. Are you getting serious with him?”
“I don’t know,” my sister sighed unwilling to discuss her relationship with our mother. Still keeping Yancy at arm’s length protecting her relationship from the wrath of Yancy. I couldn’t blame my sister. She had seen the destruction Yancy could create first hand. My relationship with Kerry as evidence.