Then in a softer tone he said, “Gabrielle please don’t let him do this to you. You can leave with me right now. I will wait for you and take you both with me. He cannot stop us.” He sounded desperate.
“I can’t,” I replied. “The horses…”
“Fuck, leave the horses. Your safety is more important.” He ran his hands through his thick hair. “When you are free…if ever you are free of him we will talk then.”
Keegan returned which put me in the awkward position of being the fifth wheel. Kerry looked at me for moments that seem to stand still and then said he had to go. Chicago was a long drive and he was doing it alone. Alone, pointedly said to me. Keegan went outdoors with her father to say goodbye. Inside the house, I watched at the kitchen window pushing aside the lacy curtain for a better view as Kerry and Kat hugged goodbye standing in the driveway for the longest time.
James had silently entered the room. He walked up to stand behind me. He stood closely to me without touching me. I sensed his presence more than I felt him. He too watched as Kerry hugged Keegan and then drove away. He only moved away from the window when Keegan turned to walk back indoors. What had he been thinking? Did he know that he had hurt me? Did he care?
#
Christmas day turned into a stand-off between James, his mother and me. The entire day was to say the least tense. Everyone was silent throughout dinner and it wasn’t a good silence. There were unspoken words that needed to be said. I was sure that James had told his mother about our conversation about ending our marriage. I had given him an out, which is exactly what Belle would want for him. I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t convinced him to take the opportunity to run.
After dinner I was in the kitchen cleaning up with Keegan who was also unusually silent especially as we were alone.
“What is wrong Keegan?” I asked.
“I miss Dad.”
“Do you want to be with him?” I asked her tiredly.
“I want us to be with him,” she replied with tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know how your Dad feels anymore,” I said trying to hold back the tears, “but I did tell James that I wanted a divorce.”
Keegan shot a look at me that was shocked. “You did?” What did he say?”
“He said no but I’m not giving up,” I told my daughter leaning over to place some dishes in the dishwasher. “If he doesn’t agree then we’ll just leave. I told him that too. What do you say?”
When I straightened my head was spinning and the kitchen was blurry. Then everything went from dark spots before my eyes to all black. I passed out falling to the floor in a dead faint. Keegan later told me that she screamed for James who came running followed closely by his mother. He carried me to the sofa in the upstairs family room. Our house was large enough for two family rooms although Keegan and I preferred the downstairs one. This is where I regained consciousness.
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with concern. “What happened?” He asked holding my hand in his. I felt uncomfortable with the three of them standing over me watching me so intently. I wanted to remove my hand from his
but didn’t.
“I don’t know,” I replied weakly.
“I’ll finish the dishes,” Belle offered. “You should see a doctor. You haven’t looked well since I arrived.” That was the first compassionate moment of concern that my mother-in-law had ever shown me. She left the family room.
I had never known Belle to do dishes especially not in my house but feeling light headed still I didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. When the telephone rang Keegan went to answer it and returned telling me it was my mother and she and Pop had spent Christmas day with my sisters at Michaela’s house and had just returned home.
“How are you?” I asked her after putting the receiver to my ear.
“What is wrong?” She asked immediately.
“What makes you think something is wrong?” I asked feeling uncomfortable with James and Keegan watching me while I talked with my mother on the portable phone.
“I’m your mother. I know by the sound of your voice,” she said.
“I’m fine. I leaned over and straightened too quickly which caused the blood to rush to my head I guess and I passed out.”
“You never pass out,” she declared. “Except when you were pregnant with Keegan. You passed out once a month then if I remember correctly. Good God Gabrielle, are you pregnant?” Yancy asked.
Oh lord! Please don’t let me pregnant. After Adin’s comment at the hospital I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that Kerry and I had not used protection every time while we screwed around like wild monkeys all over Esther’s house. Then again at my mother’s house. Then we had the broken condom. Seemed like destiny?
Mentally trying to calculate when my last period was I definitely could be pregnant.
Tired feeling, check.