Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“Micki sounds better even if her marriage isn’t getting better.”

“You mean the therapist,” Gem clarified. “I agree. She’s stronger.”

“Good.”

Jack’s offensive action with the cruel jokes was not relayed to me by either of my sisters that I had spoken to so far. Maybe they didn’t want to tell me about the humiliation my mother had experienced. Maybe they didn’t want me to worry. It was a painful thought to endure. Christmas wasn’t the same without Keegan and me there to help in the celebration I was informed by Gemma before she hung up with me.

Although Brad had moved into Adin’s house she still answered every time that I called her and this time was no exception.

“You had a busy day today,” I said.

“We went to Brad’s parent’s house in Ann Arbor before going to Michaela’s house for dinner.”

“So Micki said. Did you like his parents?”

“They were fine,” my sister

replied.

“Is everything okay?” I asked Adin.

“Gabrielle it isn’t the same without you. I had less time with my family going to Brad’s house, which was hard. They were wonderful to me though. I really like them.”

“And?”

“And Jack acted like an ass making Yancy feel bad about losing her hair soon. Michaela cried. Wynne cried.” No one had told me that but Adin prior to Yancy. “Yancy was quiet the rest of the evening. Then Byron made Yancy cry by being mean to Micki. Gab, she isn’t the same.”

“Yancy?”

“Yes, she’s so despondent. She is dreading these chemo treatments. We are all three going with her next week. I think Micki is staying the next day with her because she doesn’t work and either Gem or I will stay the night.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there to help.”

“Don’t be. Be glad you don’t have to watch her suffer.”

“I have to go,” I said holding back the tears.

“Merry Christmas,” Adin said.

“Merry Christmas.”

Click. No more conversations.

Staring into the fire with the phone clutched tightly in my hand I cried. Keegan chose that moment to walk into the room.

“Mom, what is it?” She asked sitting down on the sofa beside me she wrapped her arm around me and I laid my head on her shoulder.

“Yancy is having a hard time with pain and dreading the chemo starting next week. I’m just sad that we weren’t there. We should have been.”

“We’ll have next year,” she said continuing to comfort me.

#

I hadn’t told anyone other than my mother that I thought that I was pregnant. Two days after Christmas I went to the doctor’s office in Eden who confirmed what I had suspected. The nausea was manageable. I hid it well from James and Keegan. James refused to discuss divorce when I brought up the subject to him night after night. My patience was growing thin with him. Ending this marriage was becoming more and more urgent now that I was pregnant…with another man’s child. The same man who had fathered my seventeen-year-old daughter. The man my husband hated. The man I loved with all my heart.

Yancy called on the telephone on New Year’s Day. I picked up the receiver in the kitchen when James called to me from the den that my mother was on the telephone.

“Hi Yancy,” I said into the phone holding the receiver between my ear and shoulder.