When Kerry called for Keegan if I happened to answer the phone he was quick to tell me he was in a hurry and needed to speak to his daughter. I felt more awkward each time and each time I spent less time trying to make conversation with him. Afterwards I could think of nothing but him. My thoughts were confused and disheartened. I knew I needed to tell Kerry about the baby but somehow every time I spoke to him I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I felt distanced from him both in space and in emotions.
One night a week before Keegan’s birthday Kerry called. Taking a deep breath I reminded him of her special day approaching and invited him to Eden to help us celebrate. The phone was silent while I waited for his answer. My heart beat rapidly in my chest from nervousness. My hands were actually sweating.
“Thank you Gabrielle,” he finally said. So polite. So cool. “I’ve already explained to Keegan why I can’t be there. I would like to fly her to Chicago for a weekend soon if that is all right with you?”
I thought I would cry. I bit my lower lip and replied, “That will be fine. Work out the details with her and she’ll tell me.”
“I will. Is she there?” He asked hesitatingly.
Why? Why did he hesitate? Tell him about the baby.
“Hold on. I’ll get her.”
Coward.
#
Keegan’s birthday was a party with her and her friends. I ordered pizza and bought sodas. She and her friends went to the video store where they rented five movies to watch one of which was a Monty Python movie. At seven the boys started arriving and I was sent to my room for the evening. Alone in my room I could hear them laughing and talking. I was happy for Keegan who didn’t seem to mind that her aunts, cousins or even her father couldn’t make it for her birthday. She understood what I could not.
#
In April on a Saturday evening I took Keegan to the airport. She was flying to Chicago to spend her spring break with Kerry. Sadly, I had stayed at the window watching the plane taxi out of the gate and onto the runway. When her plane was airborne, only then did I walk back to the main part of the terminal. This was her belated birthday present from Kerry, a week in Chicago, shopping, seeing shows and spending time with her dad while she was on Spring Break.
Keegan called that night to tell me she arrived safely. She described Kerry’s apartment excitedly giving me details of the view and the city she had never visited. Dinner was prepared and once we hung up they were going to sit down to eat. I tried to be excited with Keegan but I felt so alone.
“Mom, are you all right?” She asked.
“Yes, just tired,” I responded.
“I love you Mom,” she said.
“Love you too.”
What was Kerry doing right now I wondered? Was he listening to our conversation with interest or had he already forgotten me?
“Tell Kerry I said hell
o,” I said hopefully.
“I will,” she replied. “Bye.”
“Bye Keegan.”
#
James and I were to appear in court before a referee as part of the process of reaching an agreement that we were unable to come to ourselves. James had been stonewalling me. He didn’t want to honor the prenuptial agreement and until the courts decided on the matter. He refused to give an inch. In forty-eight hours, I saw my daughter off at the airport and prepared to face James in court.
The settlement I thought should be cut and dry with the prenuptial agreement. My attorney agreed but James had other thoughts in mind. He wanted to leave me penniless unable to support my children. He had been fighting me since January since Daniel’s call. He had been sending me a weekly allowance to buy groceries and if anything else was needed he had paid that as well but he was waiting for Keegan’s graduation in a little under two months to completely sever the ties that held us together.
Daniel Brice was always the go between. I had not spoken to James since he left that morning back in January. My stomach was a jumble of nerves when I walked into the courtroom with my attorney. All three of my sisters offered to fly or drive to Eden to be with me today but I had refused them. I needed to face this last hurdle myself. I also didn’t want them to know about the baby yet and I knew that my pregnancy would be brought up in court if they didn’t notice the tiny baby belly I now sported. Only Yancy knew about the baby and she was too ill to come to Kentucky even though she too offered to stand by me in court that morning. This was something that I wouldn’t allow her to do.
Keegan’s notification that she would receive a partial scholarship to NYU came just last week, which was the best news I had received in a long while. I was still looking at paying thousands of dollars for my daughter to attend the school of her choice. This thought increased the massive butterflies flitting about in my stomach with Kerry’s active child.
I had chosen a plain navy dress that was loose fitting and complimentary. When I saw James sitting with his attorney at one of the tables in an expensive dark suit I felt awkward and intimidated. I had not seen my husband in over three months. I had not heard his voice. I had not had to deal with his taunts or abuse and it all came rushing back to me. I grabbed my attorney’s arm and squeezed stopping him in his tracks. My head spun a little with dizziness. Don smiled reassuringly at me.
“Are you all right Gabrielle?” He asked with concern.
Their heads were close together until they heard us approach. James stood. He looked smug and happy.