Again I felt intense relief.
“Once you have in your possession the monies you are guaranteed by the prenuptial agreement you will be responsible for paying your own expenses except the mortgage. Mr. Ellerton since you want the house so badly you can continue to pay the mortgage, taxes and insurance on the house.”
The referee scanned his documents looking over wire- rimmed glasses as he did so.
“The Arabian horses will remain with Mrs. Ellerton as she has requested in her documents and Mr. Ellerton agrees. The party’s respective vehicles will remain in their possession as it stands now. All other property will be divided as both parties have already agreed upon. The divorce decree will be filed and a copy sent to you both for your signatures. Then you will receive notification of the final divorce decree when it is filed. Court is adjourned. Good luck to you both.”
James was angry when he left the courtroom. He stormed out leaving Dan his attorney behind. Dan glanced across the room as Don gathered his belongings and papers into his briefcase. He smiled at me. Good luck, he mouthed the words. I smiled at him and nodded. Then Dan left the courtroom.
I needed to look at my expenses to determine if I could stay at the farmhouse, pay all the expenses and have money left to pay Keegan’s college tuition and stay afloat until I could start work with a new baby. I had Don’s fees to pay as well. I still hadn’t figured Kerry into the picture.
He hadn’t spoken to me at any great length since Christmas Day. Maybe I had blown the whole relationship with him by not leaving James as soon as I had returned to Eden. Maybe I was just not meant to be loved I thought walking to my SUV parked on the street by the courthouse all alone but one step closer to being free of James Ellerton.
Keegan called at ten o’clock. Excitedly, she told me about her dinner date with her dad. The reason she was so late calling me. She wouldn’t be returning to Eden until Sunday afternoon. I would be alone until then dreading every minute of it. I
answered the telephone only after the answering machine picked up and her voice spilled out of the machine with concern for my whereabouts. She knew that I had been in court today with James.
“Mom, are you all right?” She asked upon my hello.
“Keegan, I’m just exhausted. The whole affair in court was exhausting.”
“God Mom, I’m so sorry.”
“No Keegan, I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” She asked puzzled by my statement.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just sorry for putting you through six years of his abuse, for not holding onto Kerry so that you could have had a father, for not giving you a normal family life.”
“Normal is boring. Mom, did you love James that much? Is Dad right?”
Was Kerry listening to the conversation we were having?
“What do you mean?”
“Dad thought you might have feelings for James. He wondered if that is why you took so long to end your marriage.”
Oh he did, did he? I felt so disconnected from myself as if I were walking through a bad dream and couldn’t wake.
“No Keegan, I no longer loved James. He made it impossible to love him. I hadn’t loved him since our first year of marriage as sad as that statement is. You know me…I hang on till the bitter end.” With everyone but my mother. “I wanted to be free of him for a very long time. I definitely wanted out before seeing your dad again.”
Would she tell Kerry what I was saying? Would it make a difference?
“Today in the courtroom, seeing him again was horrible. It brought back a rush of pain…” I sniffed back tears that were threatening to flow down my cheeks. I was afraid they wouldn’t stop if they got started. “I was feeling all these things Keegan about him that I had buried when he left. His emotional abuse. His phys…physical abuse.” Keegan gasped. “I’m sorry but Keegan, you were right. It was just bruises on my arms one night… he was so angry with me. He even hit me in the face.” I had to tell her everything as painful as it was to admit. “I’m lucky it was just bruises on my arms.” I was sobbing now. I shouldn’t have admitted that to Keegan but his threat to me was no longer a threat. “I’m so sorry Keegan. So sorry.”
“Mom, are you all right.” She covered the phone. I could hear the muffled sound of voices. What was she saying to her father? “I’m sorry I was right. Mom, why did he finally leave?” She asked softly as if she knew there were more to the story than what I had given her.
This was the opportunity to tell Keegan that I was pregnant but I couldn’t tell her just yet especially when she was in Chicago with Kerry. I had to tell him first.
“He left because of my feelings for Kerry.” Partial truth. More mumblings in the background. “He told me that he knew I still loved Kerry.”
“Mom, maybe you should tell Dad that.” She sounded encouraging.
I sobbed into the phone.
“Why?”
I was holding the phone half-heartedly to my ear waiting for her response. I felt as if I didn’t have the energy to even hold the telephone. The tears were slowly residing. My heart was breaking. I wanted her to say that she knew that is what he wanted to hear but she didn’t say that.