Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

s of chairs filled with guests. She wrapped her arms around me which wasn’t an easy task because of my girth. I leaned back into the comfort of her arms. As a maid of honor (no longer matron of honor), I sucked. She had gotten herself ready. She had gone to have her hair done by herself. She had done her own make-up but she understood my need to be with Yancy.

“Ready?” I asked when I saw Brad with Troy who was his best man standing at the gazebo waiting for us where he and Adin would be married shortly.

With excitement she answered, “Yes.”

I waddled down the aisle carrying my bouquet of white roses and baby’s breath. Pop walked my sister down the aisle.

“Who gives this woman to this man?” The priest from Yancy’s Lutheran church asked.

“I do,” Yancy called out firmly surprising everyone even Pop and eliciting a laugh that permeated the air with happiness that was meant for a day such as this.

The bluest of blue skies for a Michigan summer day was touched with a fluffy white cloud or two. The sun peaked between the tall trees that surrounded my mother’s house. The temperature was low for August as if someone knew that Adin’s outdoor wedding would be ruined if the temperature climbed above ninety. The humidity was low too. It was a perfect day. A gentle breeze cooled us hidden between several large Oak trees behind the house.

The ceremony was short and soon Adin and her groom were walking to the back of the area where the chairs were situated to welcome guests and accept congratulations. Before dinner was served, I saw Yancy touch Kerry’s arm. He had rarely left her side all day. She was tired and in a great deal of pain and she was ready to go upstairs. Kerry helped her stand. I was walking towards them to say good night to my mother. She looked up at him with urgency.

“I can’t,” she mouthed the words uncertainly.

I was certain no sound had come from her but she had pride and her pride wouldn’t allow her to be carried out in front of the guests. Kerry wrapped his arm around her waist and more than carried her to the house but gave her dignity by allowing it to look like she was still on her feet. Inside the door, I saw him lift her in his arms just as he had before. Then he carried her up the stairs to her bedroom.

Lucy was there, waiting for us. She helped me to get Yancy into her nightgown while Kerry turned around giving Yancy privacy that she needed. Now that Yancy was changed Kerry crossed the room to help put her to bed. Her bones were brittle from the cancer and she ached with a pain that was indescribable. He pulled the blankets up to her chest and leaned over and kissed her forehead.

Something had happened between Kerry and Yancy that I had missed but the emotion of it swelled my heart. They had become close during the last few months that we had lived here with Yancy, taking care of her, soaking up every minute we had left with her. Yancy had apologized to Kerry for her interference in our lives and he had accepted graciously. It made me happy to see them become friends.

Lucy reconnected the catheter in Yancy’s hand and allowed the morphine to flow into my mother’s body. I leaned over the bed and kissed her and waited by her side until she was calm and resting.

“Remember Gabrielle…soon,” she told me as I turned to walk out of the bedroom surprised because I thought she had fallen asleep.

I nodded unable to reply for fear that I would cry.

Kerry took my hand out in the hallway and we descended the stairs together. I thought this was probably as hard on him as it was on me. His mother’s death was still fresh in his mind. At the bottom I pulled back and sat down on the bottom step.

“Are you all right?” He asked sitting down next to me. Our legs brushing causing that familiar rush of heat in our bodies. Passion evident in his eyes. God, how could he still desire me when I was as big as a house? Our foreheads touched.

Dusk was falling outside and inside the house the rooms were dim without the benefit of lights turned on.

“I need to catch up to myself,” I told him.

He seemed to understand my response. “What did she mean?” He asked me his hand found my hand caressing the palm with his thumb in sensuous circular motions.

“She told me I needed to have the baby soon.”

“Oh,” he replied knowing what that meant without further explanation. Our heads hung low in quiet desperation while I caught my breath.

In the backyard we had dinner of chicken and prime rib with baby carrots, garlic potatoes and several kinds of salads. My sister Michaela had prepared the meal. Everyone loved the food that she had prepared. Micki was glowing as much as the bride.

Exhausted I turned in early but the party continued well past midnight when the bride and groom finally left in his car to spend the night in a secret location where no one would bother them for the weekend. I was happy for my sister. Keegan had caught her bouquet of white roses. There was lots of beautiful blushing when one of Brad’s very handsome, very masculine friends, a much older man had to have his picture taken with my daughter while he put the garter on her, sliding it up her long slender leg, which he had caught.

I glanced at Kerry. Her father was very tense while Brad’s friend caressed his teenage daughter’s very beautiful, very slender thigh no matter how innocent. This gave me a little chuckle.

Everything was changing. My daughter was growing into a woman before my eyes. Soon she would be in New York attending college. Soon my mother would die. That was hardest part of the changes that were occurring around me at such a rapid pace. I pushed the unpleasant thoughts from my mind and turned over forcing myself to go to sleep shutting out the unhappiness that lingered over the house on such a happy day.

Soon Kerry’s body slid in next to mine. His warmth surrounded me. His arm slid over my waist and his hand cupped our baby protectively.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Kick. Kick. One hellacious kick waking Daddy out of sound sleep.

“Damn, did that wake you up? Kerry asked me sleepily.

I just chuckled and went back to sleep after responding, “I told you so.”