“Lift your hair,” she told me gently taking the clasp from my clumsy fingers so that I could do as she asked. “Sam’s birth was amazing. I guess that brought a lot into perspective for me. So many things are changing in my life, Nana’s death, Sam’s birth, and college next week.”
With her grandmother’s illness then death Keegan was granted permission to come to school late. “I just wanted you to know how beautiful you are. How much you mean to me…how much I love you. You know.” Her voice was soft and reflective.
“God, don’t remind me. You’ll be gone too soon too,” I said dreading that day as much as this one. “I love you too Kitty Kat.”
She nodded in agreement. “I will always come home though Mom. You will have Dad now and Sam. It won’t be so bad,” Keegan told me looking at me in the mirror. “Your necklace is clasped.”
She stepped back so that I could get up from the dressing table. I turned and faced her. Then, I grabbed her in a hug.
“Mom,” she complained, “you’re in your underwear. Could you get dressed first?” She pushed me away uncomfortably.
I laughed out loud and it felt good. I had been in a blue mood since hearing from my sister that Yancy had passed away. Even Sam’s precious face couldn’t bring me out of the funk I was in. Today felt surreal. I was just going through the motions every day. Not really living. Not really doing much of anything. I kept thinking that I would wake up at any moment and the entire last nine months would be a nightmare and Yancy would still be here alive and healthy.
Picking up my dress from the bed I slipped it over my head. It was a simple chiffon, purple sheath, sleeveless and knee length. Surveying myself in the mirror I really didn’t look too bad considering my newborn son was only days old. Luckily I had this loose fitting dress to wear to my mother’s funeral as I had nothing else that would fit.
“I’ll see you downstairs,” Keegan said. “I want to spend some time with Sam before we leave.”
“Okay,” I replied absently while slipping my open toed black pumps onto my feet. “I’ll be down in a moment.”
Minutes later Adin came into the room. I sighed heavily; frustrated that my family was watching over me as if I would break. I wasn’t that fragile. I wasn’t going to have a breakdown. They thought I wasn’t accepting Yancy’s death, I knew. Maybe they were right but I wouldn’t break into a thousand pieces, as they feared. I was the strong one. Right?
“You look great,” she said with an upbeat tone that didn’t ring true.
“I’m okay,” I told my sister running my fingers through my hair one last time before snatching my purse from the dressing table and walking to the bedroom door. “Coming?” I asked.
Adin followed me down the long winding staircase. As a chil
d, the stairs had both fascinated and frightened me. Now, I looked up and realized the beauty of the old Victorian mansion that had been in Yancy’s family for decades. Micki and Wynne were standing in the massive foyer waiting for us when we reached the bottom. I hugged them both. Micki looked as if she had been crying.
“What’s wrong?” Adin and I asked at the same time.
“Nothing,” my sister replied.
“Jack won’t come to Nana’s funeral. He’s mad at Mom,” Wynne supplied the answer.
“Wynne,” Micki snapped.
“Why is he mad at you?” I asked scrutinizing my sister’s face. My hand was holding her hand.
Micki’s eyes were even without the tears.
“Because,” she said staring at the floor, “because I asked Byron for a divorce. My son is taking his father’s side. So to punish me he’s not coming to my mother’s funeral.”
“Screw him,” Adin replied to my sister. “I’m proud of you.”
“Me too,” I told Micki smiling at her encouragingly.
She looked at us through tear filled eyes. “Life is too short. I want to spend the last half of my life being happy. Yancy’s death has shown me that much.”
We all understood. My sister didn’t have to explain herself to us. We only wanted her to be happy and if Byron wasn’t making her happy then she should move on.
#
Kerry drove Keegan, Micki, Wynne and I to the service in my Toyota SUV. Adin and Brad drove in their own car and Gem and Troy drove in theirs. Pop chose to drive by himself. Sadly, he climbed into his old sedan alone. My heart clinched and I worried for him. I waited by my car watching him drive away until I couldn’t see his car any longer. He had always been a man of few words but since Yancy’s death he spoke even less and his smile was forced.
Hell’s cemetery was situated on the outskirts of town. Old iron archways circled over the driveway where we entered. Wild vines grew wildly up and through the ironwork. I remembered driving beneath these same archways when my Nana died. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched them grow smaller as we drove to the back where her plot was, where my mother would be buried too and one day Pop would be there as well on the family lot.
Kerry stopped the SUV on the driveway in close proximity to where the tent was set up. A bright green and white striped tent covered the area where my family’s plots were located. Biting my lip I climbed out of the car shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight. Sighing, I searched my purse for the sunglasses I knew were buried inside somewhere. I can’t do this my heart screamed. You can, my head replied. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. My hands were trembling terribly. I nearly dropped my handbag. Tell me when will I wake up and this nightmare will be over?