Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“Really,” Adin replied surprised. “After that romp we all heard you have with my sister I thought you and my sister would have slept like babies.”

“My queue to leave,” Pop said good-naturedly.

After he was gone, Kerry snapped, “Well our daughter had a little romp of her own. I guess you couldn’t hear that?”

My sisters all laughed at him. Protective daddy.

“Oh hell no,” Adin chuckled. “Please talk to her about birth control,” my sister requested.

“Thank you, “Kerry agreed.

Michaela looked at me. She knew. I knew. Too much like Yancy.

“I don’t need to. As I explained last night to my husband. I prepared my daughter for this.” Micki understood both of us getting pregnant so young. Our children would not make the same mistake. “She knows what to do and if she needs me she will come to me. Otherwise, I’m interfering. Sound like anyone you all know and love? Won’t be happening.”

They agreed but reluctantly. All but Micki. She understood nodding her head.

I pulled up my tank top and guided Sam’s head until his mouth latched onto my breast. He suckled hungrily; his tiny clenched fist lay against my warm skin. I glanced up and saw that everyone was watching me, which suddenly made me feel awkward.

“What?” I asked uncomfortably.

“I was just thinking about the day he was born,” Adin replied. “That was the best day of my life.”

Kerry looked at her skeptically. “Better at a hospital. Please Gabby for the next one at a hospital.”

Adin rolled her eyes. “It turned out fine and my car cleaned up nicely all though the car wash guys not so happy when I brought it in for detailing. Kerry you did such a bang up job as a delivery guy.”

“Thanks Adin,” he replied to his sister-in-law sarcastically.

“I wish I could have been there. The birth not the car wash,” Micki added. We chuckled. “I was thinking the other day when I received his Christmas picture about how much Yancy would have loved this little guy.”

“You don’t want to know what I am thinking,” Gem said with disgust.

“What?” Adin asked suspiciously.

We could all guess it wasn’t positive because we knew Gemma.

“Well, I was thinking that nursing is gross and my baby will be bottle fed.”

Kerry chuckled then. Adin rolled her eyes and shook her head appalled at our little sister. She wanted a baby so badly. I could see it in her eyes. I tried to concentrate on my son nursing at my breast. I couldn’t tell Gem what a beautiful bonding experience breast feeding was. Her mind was already made up. Maybe she would change it. I hoped she would.

Micki had a response to Gem that I thought was the best reply anyone could have made. “I don’t think you’ll feel that way when your child is actually in your arms. Right now you don’t feel well so you can’t anticipate just how amazing it is to have a child.”

My sister looked lost in her own thoughts while she continued to talk, “There is something special about becoming a mother that you don’t quite completely understand until you’ve been one for many years. Then you appreciate your own mother more than you ever thought was possible.”

Micki was right. We had loved Yancy and survived losing her. She was the biggest pain in our ass but she was our mother. She could be forgiven for her mistakes because they were born of her love and her need to have the best for her daughters. As Adin had said, she died peacefully no more pain wracked her body. I was no longer angry that I had missed saying goodbye. I no longer was angry with her for leaving us. She would have stayed if she could come hell or high water but still I missed her terribly. There were days when the phone would ring and I would have given anything to hear her voice on the other end when I picked it up and said, “Hello.”

The End