“Liam,” I said his name. I was awkward and uncomfortable with all my family now. I wondered what they were thinking of me.
“I just wanted to say I’ll see you on Sunday.”
I nodded. Liam came by nearly every day to see me while I was here. He laid his hand on my shoulder; a gesture of comfort. I realized that he watched them work on me. He saw me die. I patted his hand. “Thanks Liam for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?” He asked.
I glanced up into my grandfather’s eyes. “To the farm. Gramps thinks it is a great idea for me to be there. I agree.”
I saw Liam look at Gramps. They nodded at each other. I thought I saw some unspoken message pass between them. What was I getting myself into? “Want us to clear out your apartment?” Liam asked.
I hesitated before answering
. “I think that is a good idea,” my grandfather replied for me. “Ronan is going to be at the farm for a while.”
I was? I looked into my grandfather’s eyes. Maybe I was. Maybe it was where I belonged. Getting back to my roots. I created a lot of heartache for my family with this stunt. I wasn’t going to argue at this point. I had been humbled. Pointe Royal might be the best place for me surrounded by most of my family, my nieces. “I would appreciate it,” I admitted.
“I’ll take care of it,” Liam promised me. I patted my brothers hand again.
“We need to go. Mom is waiting on us.”
“We’ll bring your stuff to the farm. It can be stored in the barn.”
“I don’t have a lot. The bedroom furniture is all that is mine. The living room furniture came with the apartment. The kitchen was already stocked as well.”
“Got it,” Liam replied.
“Thanks man,” I told him. “I really do appreciate it.”
Then the guy operating my wheelchair guided me out into the sunshine. I came close to never seeing another day with rain or sun. Snow up to our ass. Ice on a slick, cold morning drive to school or work. He lowered the foot rests at the edge of the sidewalk and I sat my feet on the concrete. Firm ground, beneath my feet. I was still a little weak. He held my bicep as I rose to my feet with Gramps’ hand on my other arm. I glanced at him. “Thanks,” I said to them both. The orderly nodded and left us.
“I’ll pick you up anytime but I’m not going to watch you destroy yourself,” Gramps informed me. I nodded. I got it. I wouldn’t do this again.
He opened the truck’s door and I climbed into the back seat. Gramps wanted to sit there but I insisted that is where I would be most comfortable. No one said anything else about my revelation about my dead grandparents. No one said you’re crazy but the implication was that it wasn’t real. It seemed real dammit.
“Is Dad ever going to talk to me again?” I finally asked as we left the downtown area. The lines on the highway flying by us.
Gramps looked over his shoulder at me. “He will. Give him time to come to grips with his own feelings about it, Ronan.”
“Ro, are you going to take the bar still?” Mom asked me.
I really didn’t know what I was going to do. My life changed with the prick of a needle in my arm. Suddenly I was lost. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my future. What did I want in life? “Right now, I think I’ll help out on the farm. I think I need to find myself Mom.”
She nodded but she didn’t say anything else. The ride to the farm was forty-five minutes. Most of that time, no one spoke except for the occasional small talk. I was relieved when she dropped me and my grandfather at the farm and left.
Aine came out onto the porch with Gracie in her arms. I contemplated her, really took a look at her belly swollen with hers and Fionn’s second child. She was due in about six weeks. This pregnancy was so much easier than her first. Her morning sickness not as bad but she was still uncomfortable. This baby was big too.
I reached my hands out to take Gracie and the kid came right to me. Her soft blonde curls just like Fionn. I ran my hand over her hair and smiled. Her eyes like ours, a pale hazel-green. Her skin lighter than us but not fair like her mother, somewhere in between. I glanced down at Aine. She was smiling at me. “Glad to see you made it,” she teased me.
I chuckled. Gramps, he didn’t find it so funny. He snorted as he went inside, passing by us. I could see I wouldn’t get special treatment here. Mom was treating me like I might break. Dad was ignoring me. Here, I would get my ass kicked. “Me too,” I replied in a conspiratorial whisper.
Then Gracie kissed my cheek. “I gad you bedder Ro,” she said to me.
I rubbed her belly gently. God, I loved this kid. “What did you tell her?” I asked Aine looking from my niece to my sister-in-law.
“That you were in the hospital with a boo-boo that they were fixing.” So simple in Gracie’s mind. Not so simple in the real world. I could have left all this, not seen her or the twins grow up. Sophia’s girls too. The five little girls who captured all of our hearts. I would have missed it all. Especially, the new baby coming soon.
I nodded. Then, I inhaled. Gracie smelled sweet like lavender baby lotion. Her skin was soft and pretty. She was wearing knit leggings on her lower half in bright pink. Her upper half was covered in a soft white top with a sparkling rainbow on it. Gracie’s nose was covered in freckles. I squeezed her a little bit. This was what was important in life, I knew. My nieces. My cousins’ girls. I wanted to be here for them but I had almost blew it.