Promise Me

“Sure,” Fionn reached into his pocket and handed me the keys to the farm truck. I took them and looked at the palm of my hand.

“My first step at learning to become a humble, better man?” I asked turning the keys over and over.

“You could say that.”

He rose. My brother was a big bad ass with a soft heart. He could have gone to college on a full scholarship but chose the farm life. Scouts were looking at him from the NFL before he even hit college because of his size and speed. I rose and stood beside him.

“You remember when you called me the golden boy but it was you who had everything waiting for you to just grab it and hold on. College, a full ride and possibly the NFL. You just didn’t want it.”

He shook his head. “I have everything I want right here.”

I get it. Grace was precious. I grabbed Fionn in a hug and held him tight. He slapped my back a couple of times. “Get the hell out of here,” he told me uncomfortable with the mushy stuff.

Chapter 4

&n

bsp; Feeling nervous about this was probably a good thing. Dad’s car was in the drive. He was home early. Here, I was thinking maybe I could talk to Mom for a few minutes before he arrived home from work. I got out of the old farm truck. Rust on the door, a few holes in the floorboards but it served its purpose still. We transported food for the animals from the feed store to the farm in it. It wasn’t pretty but it was functional. It ran like a dream. The motor smooth as silk.

Mom met me at the door. “Didn’t I just drop you off at the farm?” She asked. She slapped a towel over her shoulder glancing up at me with concern.

“You did. I wanted to talk to Dad.”

“He’s in the kitchen. We were about to sit down to dinner.”

I put my arm around my mother’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I love you Mom.”

She patted my hand. “I love you too Ronan.”

We went into the kitchen together. Someplace familiar and comfortable. I don’t think they changed it in all the years that we lived here. I scooted onto the stool next to my dad. Mom went to the kitchen doorway. She was going to leave us alone. “Don’t go,” I told her.

Dad put his fork down. He crossed his arms on the island in front of him and was silent. I don’t know what is harder the silent father that I was staring at or the angry father that I faced on more than one occasion as a young boy.

“I need to say something to you,” I could hear my voice breaking. My dad’s dark eyes turned to me and I could see the heartbreak that I caused in him. “I am the man who is responsible for what happened to me. Not you. Me. You taught me well how to be a man.” A tear rolled down my cheek. He hadn’t moved. Hadn’t spoken. “I was the man who chose to put that needle in my arm. I know that I have disappointed you. I let you down so I came here tonight to ask you to forgive me and let me show you that I can be a better man.”

My dad dropped his head. I could see that he was crying himself. “I screwed up somewhere Ronan or you wouldn’t have done that.”

I turned to him and laid my hand on his arm. “Dad, look at me.” He turned his head to me after wiping at his face. “You didn’t. I’m asking you to forgive me. Please. This isn’t your fault.”

His hand went around my neck and pulled me to him until we were forehead to forehead. I sobbed against my father like I hadn’t since I was probably a little boy. “There’s nothing to forgive Ronan. I was terrified we were going to lose you.”

“I heard you,” I told him.

“What?” My dad’s deep voice was husky.

“Dad, I heard you. You promised me you would do anything to help me through this if I wouldn’t die. You couldn’t bear to lose a son, you told me. You were begging me to not die. I heard you at the hospital when I was in the coma. Then you didn’t come back.”

He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “I couldn’t see you in the hospital after that first night Ronan. I couldn’t see what you did to yourself knowing we were so close to losing you.”

“It’s okay Dad.” I wasn’t blaming him for not returning to the hospital. I just wanted him to know that I heard him.

Then we felt Mom trying to squeeze her way in. Dad wrapped her between us and she kissed us both. “This can’t happen again Ronan.”

“It won’t.”

“No weed, no coke, no heroin,” she said.

“Shawn suggested a therapy group. He said they are really helpful. I guess like AA meetings,” I explained.