Promise Me

“I’d like that.” I didn’t really want a courthouse quickie.

“What night?”

“Tuesday night,” I replied.

He arched an eyebrow at me. “Why Tuesday?”

“Because we can get a marriage license, a dress, rings and a cake to cut on Monday so we can get married on Tuesday is a semi-real wedding. Something memorable.” I was in a hurry.

“Sounds good to me.” He gave me a little hug to make me feel better.

**

I was sitting on the deck for the longest time. Just sitting there. Wondering why she cared for me. Skylar knew my reputation. She knew the guys that I was hanging out with. How they leered at her at the bar that night even though I stood between them. I remembered that much although even that was a bit hazy. It wasn’t the first time Stokes had been crude with Skylar.

It was early. I went inside my hair still damp from the shower I took when I arrived at home. I looked up the group meetings that the counselor had given me. There was one in an hour so I dressed and ran out to the car. I don’t know what was driving me to do this. Fear that I would slip and disappoint Skylar for one. Wanting to prove to everyone that I was clean; most of all to my parents who seemed hell bent on believing the worst of me. It hurt, I admitted it.

I drove through town. The meeting was at a small non-denominational church on the outskirts of town. I parked beside another car and stood by my truck. My hand trembled I noticed as I raised the keys to press the lock button on the key fob. I was staring at the ground, at my feet willing them to move forward.

“Are you coming?” A man was standing in the doorway. Probably about my dad’s age. Fifties. Balding. T-shirt and shorts. Flip flops. A big man. He looked like an action hero from a bad movie.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

I walked across the driveway and entered through the door. “I’m Sam,” he told me.

“Ronan Moore,” I said shaking his hand. He guided me to a circle of chairs. Almost all were filled.

“This is Ronan, everyone. A new member to Saturday morning fun time.”

I received a shout of welcome from the group. I sat next to a younger woman. Mid-thirties maybe. She smiled at me. Sam sat across the circle. “So Ronan, new members usually go first. Tell us about yourself. What brought you here?”

I snorted. Uncomfortable with this shit already. I was hoping to listen and learn not talk about myself. I leaned forward on my knees and clasped my hands together to stop the trembling. “I almost died six weeks ago from a heroin overdose. My first time using it…”

“But not your first time using drugs?” Sam asked. He wasn’t judging me. He was asking for clarification.

I raised my head and looked him in the eye. “No, I’m a drug addict for sure.” It was the first time I admitted it to anyone out loud. Hell, it was the first the first time I admitted to myself.

“Scared you?”

I nodded my head. “My family too. I come from a big family.”

I could see heads nodding out of my peripheral vision. “I think what concerned me most that I learned from my blackouts was that I was missing important details in my life.”

“Like what?”

I laughed humorously. “Like someone taking me home one night. She means a lot to me. Finding out we’re going to be parents in a little more than three months and I don’t want to fail her again.”

“Usually recovery is hard enough without adding a family to it.”

I nodded my head. I rubbed my hand across my face.

“It’s a boy. I don’t want to fail either of them. This girl is a family friend. We all grew up together so my parents are not only devastated about the whole drug scene they have stopped speaking to me when they found out Skylar is pregnant. I came here today to be sure that I don’t fuck up again. Sorry.” I realized I dropped an f-bomb without thinking.

“What are you sorry for?” Sam asked me.

“The f-bomb.”

“You’ll probably hear worse when Dia starts talking. Cocksucker is her favorite word.”