LIFE Interrupted

Sophie got out of the truck and headed inside. She let the puppies out of their crates and took them out. They were nipping at her heals and jumping at her, so excited to see her. She sat on the swing in the backyard for the longest time watching them play. Her foot gently moving her back and forth, lost in thought.

She needed something different in her life. For fifteen years she had been by Josh’s side. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it but once upon a time, she had painted and did pottery. She had written stories. When she had Heath and Hannah and a business to run, she didn’t have time for those things. Her illness had taken her away from the business but maybe it was telling her something.

“Come on ladies. Let’s go inside.”

In the house, she sent Josh a message.

Would you bring home a drawing tablet and pencils from the craft store? Please. I think I’ll take this opportunity of downtime to doodle.

It was a while before he responded but when he did Josh loved the idea. Once, she was good. He also hated that she didn’t do it anymore but there just wasn’t time. Now, she had all the time in the world.

She went to the bedroom and changed into her pajamas and got her comforting blanket. It was weighted and made the ache in her bones feel better. She grabbed a notebook out of her nightstand drawer and a pen and headed to the recliner. She was tired but thought she might write a little too before she possibly took a nap.

Snuggled in the chair with the dogs, she rambled on paper like she did in real life. The words made sense to her though, if no one else.

I’ve lost me.

I’ve been Josh’s wife.

Heath and Ally’s mother.

Joshua’s grandmother.

A business owner.

A partner.

A best friend.

But me? Where have I been?

I’ve lost what makes me, me.

The things that I love I’ve forgotten to take care of.

Not Josh’s fault.

Heath or Ally’s.

It’s my fault.

Cancer reminded me of what I lost.

Of what I needed to find.

Whether through word or art. I need to find that girl I once knew who wasn’t bitter and angry because she got cancer and chemo is killing her or it feels like it is.

I get so tired. My energy is gone.

My bald head. I have nothing I can even say about it except thank you Roman for shaving yours too. It made it easier when you shaved mine.

So, what is good about this life of mine right now?

Josh is an amazing husband. Friend, partner, lover.

I have two healthy, happy children.

I have Hannah too. She is a wonderful mother to my grandson. The best wife to my son.