I went to the living room. Heath opened his eyes. Then he held her out to me. “You don’t want to hold her anymore?” I asked. “You know I’m going to get to hold her all the time after you guys leave.”
He continued to hold Asia out to me, so I took her from him and cradled her against my chest, near my heart like he had. She snuggled against me, comforted and comforting. I kissed her head.
“I’m glad to see you came around,” Heath told me.
“Me too.”
“She needs you,” my brother informed me.
“I agree.”
I sat on the worn sofa. Elijah and I didn’t feel the need to purchase new things when we bought the double-wide. I had a lot of money saved and invested like he did from living with my brothers. I could provide for my daughter. Maybe we needed a new sofa now that Asia was here. I glanced at the hardwood floors.
“Can she get hurt on the floors when she starts crawling and walking? Maybe I should put down carpet?”
“How the hell should I know,” Heath responded. He took a seat in the recliner near me.
We didn’t ask him to move heavy stuff. I know he hated that we excluded him because of his injury from combat in the Marines but his leg, still bothered him at times. He was one of the lucky ones. He came home alive. He came home with all his body parts, but he came home troubled.
He had PTSD. I just didn’t know how to help my brother. Suggesting he needed professional help went over like a grenade exploding in your face. That was the only time that my brother lost his shit.
Asia whimpered. I panicked. I tried to give her to Heath. Both hands went in the air, palms up facing me. “She’s yours now brother. Deal with her.”
I didn’t know what to do when panic set in. I just knew she was about to cry and I didn’t want her to. I went to the front door, cradling a wiggling Asia in my arms. I could see that her lip trembled. A full-blown eruption was about to blow. “Mom,” I shouted. “Something’s wrong.”
She looked at Dad who rolled his eyes at me. Then Rachel shouted back at me. “What did I tell you in the kitchen?”
I couldn’t remember. I was panicked. “Mom, if I could remember I wouldn’t be shouting at you right now.”
Asia was starting to freak out. Her face was getting red. Her tiny fists were clenched. Her lip was a solid line, turned down in a frown. “Please don’t do that,” I begged my daughter.
She did it anyway and my girl had a set of lungs. She screamed. I didn’t like that at all. I bounced. Mom was still standing in the driveway looking at me. “Mom?” I snapped at her.
“Check her diaper. Remember? Blue line? If that isn’t it. She’s hungry.”
“Shit,” I grumbled. “Where’s the diapers?” I asked her.
Heath was reclined in my big, comfy recliner. He was laughing at me. I glared at him at him over my shoulder. “Your bedroom, idiot,” he told me.
I went down the hall to my room. He was right. Mom had put the diapers in my room. I laid Asia on the bed. Her face was now brilliant red. I scratched my forehead. Then, I grabbed a diaper. I started to sit down. Then I remembered, Layla always used wipes on Justin. Number one or number two she always had wipes to clean him off.
I grabbed those too then I sat on the bed and cooed at her. She screamed back at me. This was going from bad to worse. I unsnapped the pajamas she was wearing and slid them up to check the blue line. Yep, blue as blue can be.
I cleared my throat. I informed my daughter I had no clue what I was doing. “Can you cut me some slack, baby girl?” I began to sing Rolling Stones songs to her. I didn’t know many of the words to any of the songs, so I sang what I knew to all of them.
Her roars quieted to a soft whimper. Then her fist went into her mouth. So maybe she was hungry too?
I undid the diaper. Oh shit, there was shit in that diaper too. I gaged. “Heath,” I shouted. I closed the diaper and held it against her belly. How can one baby so small and cute produce something so foul.
My brother appeared in the doorway. “Yes?”
“I need a garbage bag?”
He frowned at me. “You need a garbage bag?”
“Yeah, she pooped,” I replied. “I need something to put the dirty diaper in.”
He laughed then turned and disappeared down the hallway. I talked to Asia while he was gone. I explained to my daughter that I was new at this. I would appreciate her full cooperation while I changed her. I was talking to my daughter like one of my employees who needed coaching. I didn’t know how else to approach this.