“I want to be with one girl, Ben. I just haven’t found her yet.”
I nodded. A noble want and gesture. “What if she’s been with other men?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. If she’s the right one for me, it shouldn’t matter.”
I nodded at him.
“Did you love Jasmine?” He asked.
I didn’t. “I ran from her before I had the chance to develop real feelings.” He didn’t need to know that I ran because I was in love with Disa, her cousin. They worked together. Seth wasn’t known for keeping secrets.
“But you could have?” He prodded. Seth was digging into feelings that I preferred not to think about because then I might have to admit to him that I had feelings for Disa and Jasmine was her replacement.
“I’m angry at her, Seth. She lied to me.”
“Are you angry at Asia?” He asked.
“That’s stupid,” I snapped at Seth.
“No, it isn’t. You didn’t go and see her. Just the one time is all. How could you stay away for six weeks?”
Because I was afraid of her mother and the thoughts that she was stirring in me. Thoughts about Disa Riley. I didn’t want to see her, but I wanted to see my child. I thought every day about my daughter though. “That brother is why you were taking me home from the bar a lot.”
“That’s stupid,” Seth rolled his eyes at me.
“Yeah, it was,” I agreed.
I sat the bottle down and laid Asia against my chest. I patted her on the back. I looked at her face just watching her. She yawned, and I chuckled.
“She eats, sleeps and poops,” Seth informed me.
“Pretty much, Seth.”
She gave me a sense of peace and gave that same feeling to Heath too. She filled my emptiness that I didn’t know I had. She gave me purpose. In a million years, I never would have expected to be so happy about having this tiny person in my life. Ten months ago, I wasn’t happy about it but now…I couldn’t stop smiling when I could keep my eyes open.
My phone was ringing once again. “That’s work or Mom. Grab my phone. Would you?” I asked Seth.
He ran down the hall. I continued to burp Asia. He returned with my phone and handed it to me. “Mom,” he informed me.
Rachel wasn’t happy that I had overslept. I explained that I had been up and down most of the night for an entire week straight. I hadn’t slept more than four hours every night and I was beat.
I listened to my mother ramble about her and Dad as parents when they were young. I rolled my eyes at Seth. “Yes Mom, I hear you. Tim was great about it. He said all new fathers take off. He told me that I should take today and Monday. Asia has an appointment on Monday anyway, so I’ll probably do as he suggested.” Seth shook his head at me. My brother was feeling my pain. None of us enjoyed a Rachel lecture at this time of the morning.
“I think I should go with you,” she said.
It would be so easy to say yes, please go with me. I would be eternally grateful if you would. While you’re at it, could you keep her just one night, so I could sleep a solid eight hours? Just once. Instead, I said, “No, I’ll be fine.”
Rachel stammered and stuttered but what could she say? Finally, she said, “If you say so.”
I needed for Rachel to understand my feelings right now. “Mom, the best thing you did to me was force me to bring her home with me and leave us.”
“I did?” Rachel sounded shocked by that declaration coming from me.
“You did, and I love you for it,” I informed her.
“You do?” She asked getting teary on me. I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. I hated it when Mom cried. I could run into the woods with Elijah when I knew she was pissed about something to avoid her but her tears they gutted me.
“Of course, I do. Mom, I need to go. I’m going shopping. I need diapers.”