“No problem. New father. Not getting enough sleep.”
“You got that right,” I replied.
“Just hold one up here so I can scan it for you honey,” she said.
“Trying to run off without paying for the diapers?” Disa teased me.
I held up the diaper box while I glanced over my shoulder at Disa. She had her hair pulled back from her face making her look even younger like she did when I had dated her making me feel more regret than I had been for letting her go.
The rest of her hair cascaded over her shoulder and down her back. Her t-shirt clung to her figure as did her jeans. I hadn’t been with a woman in months. So maybe this wasn’t a good idea to go to lunch with Disa. I was trying to be a gentleman with her especially after the rough kiss up against the bathroom wall at Ike’s.
The taste of her lips was still a memory that I couldn’t shake from my brain even though it was addled by alcohol. I didn’t think I would ever forget how sweet she was, and I was sure she was still innocent. Right now, my focus should be only on Asia. Disa could be my friend. I needed friends, I told myself, but I couldn’t imagine myself being just friends with this woman when I wanted so much more from h
er.
I cleared my throat and swiped my card again while Disa tucked the diaper box beneath the shopping cart. “Thanks,” I said to both the associate behind the register and to Disa.
I tucked my wallet back into my pocket and pushed the cart behind the woman affecting my comfort level. Not good. This gave me a perfect view of her perfect backside.
“Disa, I’m going to drop this stuff off at the truck,” I told her. My voice was froggy. She glanced at me over her shoulder and shrugged at me.
“Sure, want me to get us a table?” She asked, even her voice had a low, sexy quality to it.
“That would be fine.”
I couldn’t back out on her. She wanted to see Asia. I wanted to see her, but I doubted my sanity at spending time with a woman I couldn’t have. I don’t think she would ever forgive me after sleeping with Jasmine.
I went one way towards the parking lot while she headed towards the restaurant. A milkshake and burger shop. The place had an atmosphere like places from long ago when my grandparents used to hang out at restaurants called, Toots and Route 68, a little place on the two-lane road that ran through Brown County. They played good music and had bar food like my dad’s pub.
I dropped everything into the back seat and then pushed Asia in the shopping cart to the cart corral. I lifted her carrier and the diaper bag out of the cart and gave it a shove. Then I headed towards the restaurant. Again, I questioned my sanity about having lunch with Disa based on previous experience with her and my current state of frustration and confusion.
I glanced in the carrier. She was wide awake now and probably getting hungry. “I’ll feed you soon, baby girl,” I told her.
It didn’t take long to get to the restaurant. Soon I wouldn’t have to go to the gym. Not that I had since Asia had come to my house. Lifting her in this carrier was working out my biceps and chest.
Inside, I looked around for Disa. Then I saw her waving to me. I peeked at Asia then I headed towards the woman smiling at me with such sweetness I wanted to lean over and kiss those lips I had tasted just a few days ago.
I didn’t do it. I slid the baby carrier into the booth first then I sat down. I handed Disa the diaper bag. There wasn’t room on my side of the bench for both of us and the diaper bag.
I tilted back the cover and I saw Disa lean forward pushing her breasts up as she did. I cleared my throat, so I could speak. “She looks like you,” she observed.
“Yeah,” I replied. I unbuckled Asia and lifted her carefully to my chest.
“You’re good with her, Ben,” she noted.
“You sound shocked.” I patted her back. Her head rested right at my chin. I couldn’t resist. I kissed the softness of her hair. Disa was watching me, taking in my actions, trying to determine how genuine they were.
“Could you make her a bottle?” I asked. “Please,” I added.
“You’re different,” Disa noted.
I was. Asia changed me long before she got here. I glanced down at her. Her face so close to mine. I spent years being a bad boy chasing girls, running away from the woman across the table and the feelings that we had for each other that I didn’t fight for.
I should have told Dad that I was nothing like him when he said I was too young to be falling for Disa. He didn’t want her to get hurt.
As I sat here, looking across the table at her, I was afraid of her even as I wanted her. Afraid of what she made me feel and want because nothing had changed. Dad would still not approve. I had slept with Jasmine, her cousin. That would be the first thing that he would remind me of.
It didn’t help that girls threw themselves at me. I accepted whatever was thrown my way trying to block out the feelings for Disa that I couldn’t escape from. I was cocky and arrogant, but I was careful. I used condoms religiously. I had listened to what Dad said. I had half listened to what Granddad said.