The moment the table started to slide out of the machine, Rose started moving. Just as her head cleared the opening and I saw her profile, my heart sank. She looked worse than I’d expected, and I’d expected it to be quite bad already. I took a step forward then stopped, clenching my fists at my sides. The second she could, she got up to her hands and knees, her eyes wide open, tears rapidly coursing down her cheeks in rivulets. Her entire body was shaking, her breathing frantic, as if she couldn’t quite remember how to breathe. Other than the shallow and harsh breathing, she wasn’t making a single sound. Sitting back on her heels, she started to push back the contraption on her head until the technician helped her and released her from it.
“Give me a minute and we’ll help you down.”
Rose didn’t listen to her. I doubt she even heard her. She pushed her legs out from under her and tried to put her foot on the little ladder they had, but her legs didn’t hold her up and she stumbled. I rushed forward and caught her before she could fall on her face. She fisted my button-up shirt in her hands, but with her eyes swimming with tears, I doubted she could even make out any of my features.
My jaw set, I got my arm under her legs and lifted her off the table and into my arms. The fact that she didn’t protest only wound me up tighter. Her arms rounded my neck and she pushed her face into my neck, her tears running down my skin.
Without a word to Rose or the technician, I quickly walked out of the room with her clinging to me and moved back into the small space where we had gotten ready. I closed the door behind us with my shoulder and gently sat down on the bench next to the wall. I stayed quiet until her breathing was finally on its way to getting back to normal.
“It’s over now. Calm down.”
Her head moved just a fraction, but she still stayed put. I closed my arms a little tighter around her, just holding her close.
She pressed her palm high on my chest and held it there. “I can’t…I can’t seem to catch my breath, Jack.”
I closed my eyes. Her voice was scratchy, and it bugged the hell out of me. “You’re doing fine. Just keep breathing and that’s enough for now.”
Her chest moved against mine when she released a small snort. “That’s enough?”
“That’s enough.”
She burrowed in closer. “I’m sorry—for embarrassing you, for freaking out, for not being able to move right now even though your shirt and skin are soaked with my tears and some brain fluids.”
My eyes still closed, I dropped my head back with a small thud against the wall. She was killing me.
“I was fine the first ten minutes or so,” she whispered, pushing her forehead into my skin. “But then I couldn’t breathe. My head started spinning like crazy and the tears just started coming down on their own. I was afraid they were gonna stop and start it all over again, so I don’t even know how I stopped the shaking.”
I kissed her temple. “You did fine and it’s done.”
“I should get up.”
“Yes.”
We didn’t move, I kissed her temple again. I couldn’t stop myself. She was still trembling slightly, but when a knock sounded on the door, she stirred in my arms.
“Give us a second,” I called out, raising my voice only enough that whoever was outside could hear me.
Pressing her hand on my chest, Rose pushed herself off of me before I was ready to let go and slowly got back up on her feet. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she opened the locker and grabbed the tissue she’d apparently left inside, quickly wiping under her nose and tilting her head back. Holding the tissue and sniffling at the same time, she started to pull out the rest of her things. Still sitting down, I watched her eyes dart around, her face blotchy and wet. I caught sight of her blue lacy bra and rose to my feet.
“I’ll wait for you outside.”
As I was moving to go pick up my own things—my watch, belt, and wallet—from the desk, her voice stilled me.
“Jack?”
I pressed my lips together and glanced back at her over my shoulder, waiting for her to go on. She was standing in front of the locker with her socks on, hugging her bra and her coat to her chest. For the first time, she really looked ill, not to mention lost and alone, and that image didn’t sit right with me. No, it pissed me the hell off.
“This isn’t enough, I know, but thank you. Thank you for being here when I know you… Thank you.”