The Hardest Fall

“Ahhh, now I remember.” You little liar. “Yeah. Yes, of course. Hi.” My voice came out in a croak. I laughed, a little awkwardly. “So many parties that year, couldn’t remember at first.” Mentally, I rolled my eyes at myself. I’d been to three parties, maybe—and that was a big maybe. “How have you been?”

“I’m good—great actually, now that I finally saw you again.”

Is he making fun of me? I quickened my pace. He was right there with me.

“I’m Dylan,” he said when he caught on to the fact that I wasn’t gonna say anything more. “That night, I tried to catch up to you, but you disappeared on me. You were right there, and then you weren’t.”

I sent him another look. I would’ve quickened my pace yet again, but I thought it would be even more embarrassing and just plain weird if I just started actually jogging, and it’s not like he couldn’t catch up to me without even breaking a sweat anyway.

I made a hybrid laughing-choking sound. “That’s me,” I said with mock cheerfulness. “I’m there and then I’m not. I exist, but I really don’t.”

Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.

“And, I know your name—everyone knows your name.” I stopped speaking so I could breathe for just a second. “I was a little embarrassed, as you can imagine—a lot embarrassed, actually.” If I didn’t throw up on him in the next few minutes, I knew I’d be safe.

“If I’m not embarrassed that you saw—”

I sent him a panicked look.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about from that night either,” he continued quickly, and then he grinned. “I’m not embarrassed, just in case you were wondering.”

His penis… I’d had the privilege of seeing his penis, the penis I could still visualize if I closed my eyes—not that I sat around and pictured penises in my mind or anything like that… If I wanted to see one, I could easily ask my boyfriend to take it out for me, though I had not done so as of yet.

His tone had me glancing at him. Did he have to bring that up? Why was he even talking to me? To make me feel even worse? And where the hell were his friends? Chris?

I gave him what I hoped was something close to a smile instead of a grimace and kept quiet.

“You’re gonna tell me your name, right, Flash?” I watched him glance around then focus his gaze back on me. “I mean, it’s crowded, and you proved you’re fast, I’ll give you that, but I’m pretty good on my feet, and this time, now that I know what to look out for, I’ll catch you, no problem.”

Hi Dylan, meet mortification in the flesh.

“Flash?” I asked, confused.

He smiled. “One second you’re there, the next you’re not?”

He was repeating my words.

Clearing my throat, I ignored the somersault of my heart. I had a nickname. He had given me a nickname.

“It’s Zoe.”

There went that smile again.

He tried my name on his lips. Fascinated, I watched him do it. “Zoe. Hmmm. Okay then, Zoe.”

A grin.

Goodie.

“I’m a little late to…somewhere, so…”

No one ever died of a few white lies.

“Still a little shy, huh?” he said quietly, his smile a little smaller now, more intimate.

I moved my bird’s nest of a braid from my left shoulder to my right, thinking that having a curtain between us wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“I’m afraid it’s a permanent thing.”

As if he knew I was trying to hide behind my hair, he chuckled. “I’ll give you this round then. I need to head back to practice anyway—can’t be late or Coach will have my ass.”

I locked gazes with him and just like that forgot why the hell I would try to get away. Was I actually a little disappointed that he was leaving? How stupid of me.

Look away, Zoe. Don’t look at those eyes.

He lifted his hand to rub his neck and broke our eye contact. “Yeah. Okay then. It was nice running into you, Zoe. Maybe we’ll do it again sometime?”

I smiled at him a little miserably but kept my mouth shut. I didn’t like lying to anyone—even a stranger—if I didn’t have to.

The whole thing, our entire interaction was torture for me, beginning to end. I’m sure you’d have felt the same way if you were watching it happen.

Then Dylan stopped walking next to me and I kept going. It was the end of the road for us, where our paths parted. I closed my eyes and took a long, much-needed breath to clear my mind. I was passing the small cafeteria so it smelled like bad cafeteria pizza and caffeine. My heart was still tripping over itself. Talk about shame. Why couldn’t I not be so…painfully shy?

“Zoe?”

I groaned loudly, and the group of students walking next to me gave me strange looks. I stopped and turned around, a tad bit curious to hear what he was going to say.