The Hardest Fall

Her clothes were still on, plastered to her trembling body. As I studied her face, I couldn’t tell the tears from the water raining down on her. Despite the sadness and anger written all over her face, she looked so damn beautiful. Hands gripping her elbows, she stood motionless in front of me for a few seconds as I tried to come to terms with what I was feeling whenever I looked at her, and then with chattering teeth, she finally spoke. “It—s c—old.”

It wasn’t—the water was burning hot—but I accepted her thinly veiled invitation and stepped into her, gently rounding my arms around her. Without any hesitation, she rested her temple against my chest and I felt her arms around me, hugging me back. Then the sobs came back with a vengeance and she broke my heart. At first, I was holding her as gently as possible, my arms just under her shoulders, scared I’d hurt her in some way, but then it all changed. The harder she sobbed, the closer I wanted to get to her. My arms drifted lower as I bent and wrapped them tighter around her waist. When she was standing on her toes and holding on to me as hard as I was holding on to her, I eased my hold and let my hand sneak up over her wet t-shirt to hold the back of her neck.

“It’s okay, baby. Cry all you want,” I whispered, water dripping from my face. “I’m right here, Zoe. Just hold on to me. I’ll be right here. I’ll always be here.”

I straightened a little, my left hand holding her neck, my right arm tightly wound around her waist. She shuffled closer, still on her tiptoes, almost stepping on my feet. Barely a minute had passed when she clawed at my naked chest and pressed in harder. Both of her arms went over mine and around my neck. If you could’ve stepped into that bathroom with us, you wouldn’t have been able to tell which one of us was holding the other tighter under the water. I bent my knees and gathered her even closer, dropping my head against her shoulder.

I heard her whisper my name and I lost it. Suddenly, I couldn’t get air in fast enough. I couldn’t bring her close enough, couldn’t slow down my heartbeat enough.

“Zoe.” I moaned when I was on the verge of crushing her. “Zoe.”

We stayed under the water, just like that, holding tight, for God knows how long. I could’ve stayed locked to her for the rest of my life, but I knew I had to force myself to let her go. I wanted to believe she was just as reluctant to leave my arms.

“Let’s get you out of these,” I murmured finally.

Piece by piece, I took off her clothing until nothing but her underwear was left, and she let me, holding my shoulders when I bent down to shimmy her jeans off.

We were both a mess, but she was beautiful. Even with all her hair plastered against her cheeks, dripping wet, eyes red, she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.

When her fingers hesitantly reached for my sweatpants after giving me a quick look, I let her pull them down and stepped out of them myself. Thankfully she didn’t reach for my boxers, but I knew she’d noticed the bulge. Biting her lip, she looked up at me shyly. Her hair was stuck to her cheeks so I reached up and pushed it away until all I could feel was her warm skin against my palms.

“You scared the shit out of me, Zoe,” I rasped out before gently kissing her cheeks as hot water rained down on us. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. Don’t you ever put yourself in danger like that.” Because of the way I was holding on to her, she barely managed to nod. Breathing hard, I rested my forehead against hers, closed my eyes, and listened to her breathe. I just needed one more minute to hold her in my arms, breathe her in, and calm myself down, and then I could be whoever she needed me to be—her roommate? Her friend? Her everything?

By then, I already knew I was not just her roommate, not just her friend, not just a buddy.

Leaning back, I looked at her throat, at the bruises already forming ugly shapes. I breathed in through my nose and let it all out through my mouth. If I could’ve gotten my hands on the guy right then, I would’ve done more damage. I would’ve broken his neck, and it still wouldn’t have been enough. Gently, as gently as possible, I traced her bruises with the tips of my fingers. I knew Zoe’s eyes were on me, studying, watching, seeing, but I couldn’t look at her, not yet. I traced every single bruise, and then every inch of her neck not marred by his touch. I took my time and she let me. Every now and then I’d hear a small gasp escape her mouth and I’d meet her eyes to make sure she was okay. When I knew she was, I’d pick up where I’d left off. Before I was done, she reached for my hand and stopped me. Curling my fingers, she leaned down and kissed my reddened knuckles. My breathing labored, I could do nothing but hug her to me.