The Hardest Fall

“I’m not sure.”

I gave her a quick look and looked down at my fingers playing with the edge of the sheets. “Keith’s family lives pretty close to yours though, right?”

She shook her head. “They moved when we came to school here. They’re in Seattle now, so he won’t come to Texas.”

We fell silent.

“Maybe you and Jared can come visit me during summer break.”

I dashed away a tear that was trailing down my cheek. “Yes, I think that’d be great. I’ve never been to Texas.” I bit my lip and hesitated for a second. “If there is a trial and Keith—”

“I don’t want to talk about him, Zoe.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” She was fisting the sheet so I put my hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry.”

When Kayla didn’t speak, I looked up and saw she was crying too.

“I just can’t seem to stop it, you know,” she said quietly, her lower lip trembling slightly as she wiped the tears away almost as quickly as they were falling. “It comes and goes. One second I’m just fine, and the next I feel sick to my stomach.” She lifted her eyes up to me then looked down at my neck where my bruises were visible even through the foundation I’d applied. “And you’ve been hurt because of me, too—”

I touched my neck with my fingertips. “What? These? I’m not hurt at all, Kayla. I’m just pissed I didn’t get the chance to hurt him myself, so don’t even think about that part of it.”

So far, her preferred method for how to deal with everything had been to avoid all conversation related to Keith. We weren’t going to pry, anyway, and having Becky around provided a buffer. We all laughed at her antics, and it almost felt like any other normal day for three close friends.

“I’m going to miss my best friend,” I said. “Have you told Jared yet?”

“I’ll talk to him.”

That’s when Jared’s head peeked through the open door. “Did someone say my name? I thought you were sleeping, you little liar.” He walked around the bed and sat across from me. “Zoe, your phone is going crazy in your bag. Maybe you should get it.”

Frowning, I got up. I’d forgotten all about my phone after sending Dylan a quick text to tell him Kayla was doing okay. I had seen missed calls and notifications after reading Dylan’s text when I woke up in the middle of the night, but I’d ignored all of it. The first thing I’d done after Dylan and I parted ways in front of our building was combing through everything Mark had sent. After I’d texted him to say I was going to tell Dylan everything, he’d called countless times, left eight voicemails, and sent a couple texts. I’d deleted all of them without even listening to a word. Though I’d ended up reading his texts, none of them had said anything I wanted to hear, so I’d deleted those too. I was done being a doormat for him, and it was way overdue.

I left Kayla and Jared alone and went to find my phone. It was ringing and I hoped it was Dylan, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. Reluctantly, I answered.

“Yes.”

After a few seconds of silence, Mark spoke up. “Where are you?”

No, I was worried about you. No, I heard what happened at the library. No, Are you okay, Zoe? No Is there anything I can do? No nothing.

But none of it mattered because I’d already talked to my dad. He had already asked the questions a dad was supposed to ask. This man was nothing to me, and it was my own damn fault for thinking things could’ve been different.

“I’m with my friends,” I said coldly.

“Did you tell him? Dylan?”

“Not yet, but I will.” I would that night, as soon as I decided how to go about it. At that moment, I realized I wasn’t afraid to tell him about Mark and Chris. It was just words, and it would’ve been easy enough to sit him down and explain from the very beginning. What I was afraid of was how he would react. Would he be angry at me for letting him think there was something going on between me and my biological father? Would whatever was happening between us end before it had even begun? That was what I was afraid of—losing him. God knew I’d have been angry at him for letting me think the worst of him.

“Where are you?” he asked again, and I could tell he was gritting his teeth. “I’ll pick you up. We need to talk.”

“I’m busy right now.”

“Zoe,” he thundered through the phone. “You are going to tell me where the hell you are and we are going to talk.”

Anger bubbled up inside me. I was pretty close to hating him, not that I’d really loved him before, but at least I hadn’t detested him. I had been curious, and I’d wanted a chance to get to know him. The first time we met, I told him how excited I was to meet Chris, how I’d always wanted a brother or sister. He’d gently told me it was too early to tell Chris, saying we should take advantage of the time and get to know each other before we told him because he was still shocked himself. He said he was trying to protect his family, and I got that. Oh, it wasn’t the best feeling to know he was trying to protect them from me, but at least I’d understood him. As the next three years had passed, I’d slowly come to the realization that Mark wasn’t interested in telling Chris anything, at least not the whole truth, and the realization had come three years late.