In retrospect, I had no idea how the hell I got through life without going on antidepressants. Money only lasted for so long; and sex, well, it was great in the moment, but when I looked back on the last few years, I couldn't even count the real friends I'd had.
Now I had Dani.
And by association, AD2, the wives, Jaymeson, and Zane since he was apparently now adopted into our weird little family.
It felt so damn good, but my only fear was ruining it. Pushing Dani too hard, not being able to control myself and just selfishly taking her before she was ready.
It wasn't the number anymore that bothered me.
It was the fact that, at my age, I was in an entirely different place and the last thing I wanted was to project that onto her. Damn it, she needed to go to college, do stupid shit, make mistakes, all without the watchful eyes of me and the guys.
Offering her freedom would come at the cost of my own heart, I felt like a complete nut job for even contemplating things like that while she lay next to me, her soft breathing all but making me want to whimper and punch something.
My body screamed for her.
And my heart, well… it kept reminding me that I needed to keep hers intact, and if I had any hope of doing that, I needed to go slow.
Like a snail.
Be the snail. Ha, my new motto. Shit.
Dani turned on her side, then yawned and opened her eyes. I froze, hoping she wouldn't slap me, or worse yet, scream and wake up Jaymeson because I was staring at her like a wide-eyed, horny teenager.
"Can't sleep?" she asked, voice husky. The moonlight spilled onto the bed, casting a silver shadow across her hair, making her look like some immortal being.
My body responded immediately, so I scooted away, giving us space between our bodies. "Not really. I tried counting pigs, but you know how that goes. Maybe if you were texting me, I could get to sleep. I miss my texts. Promise me that just because you can talk now, you won't stop texting me."
Rolling her eyes, she reached for my face. "Promise. Now sleep."
"I can't just… sleep," I grumbled. "I feel… every little noise you make, and I may actually die staring at you." Groaning, I turned on my back. "Pretty sure things just got creepier. Didn't think that was possible after being caught staring at you while you slept, but I've slumped to new lows."
With a sigh, Dani threw off the covers, moved to straddle me, and lifted her shirt off her body.
"Uhhh." My hands went to her sides as if beckoned by her skin. I didn't let go, but I also didn't move. "What are you doing?"
Dani didn't answer.
And I really, really needed her to say something before I did the unthinkable.
She moved against me, taking the lead by pinning my hands above my head. What. The. Hell. I was trapped, and I wasn't sure if I should fight back or just kiss her, or die on the spot from pleasure as she leaned down, giving me the most amazing view of the valley between her breasts.
"Linc." Her tongue snuck out, licking the outside of my ear before her hot mouth trailed kisses down my neck. "Sometimes, thinking is overrated."
"No." Why the hell was I still fighting?
She nibbled a bit harder and then pulled my shirt off.
I let her. I was too weak to fight anything, probably too weak to even have sex with her, but maybe that was a good thing. I'd been spending so much energy trying to keep my hands off that I was officially defenseless. "You don't know what you're doing. You'll regret it in the morning." Words. I needed more convincing words. "Dani, Jaymeson will kill me."
"He won't know," she whispered against my mouth. "Give me one good reason we should stop."
"Prison," I moaned against her mouth. "Not that I think you'd turn me in, but I wouldn't put it past Demetri, Alec, or Jaymeson. Hell, they'd probably frame me."
"You're not going to prison." She laughed, her breath hot on my chest. "Stop being weird."
"The first time," I blurted, "is really… difficult." Holy shit, I was pretty sure I just quoted the video from my middle school health class. Damn you, Mr. Resik!
A man can only take so much. It's true. I never planned on being seduced; I should have thought of it, but instead I'd spent all my energy on practicing self-control, even making sure my kisses were brief.
Ha, the joke was on me.
Dani paused over me, then slowly unzipped the jeans I'd been uncomfortably sleeping in.
"Dani…" I grabbed her hands. "… I uh—"
Her eyebrows shot up. "You what?"
"I'm a virgin?"
"Nice." She actually laughed in my face.
"I'm scared of being nude?"
"A never nude?"
"Damn, I think I may love you for referencing Arrested Development right now."
"Ever wonder how they had kids if he always wears the short jean-shorts?"
"Daily."
Dani smirked then continued to unzip. I'd never really paid attention to the sights or sounds of being intimate. I was more of a get in, get it on, get out, send them home. But the sound of a zipper? Damn near impossible not to hear that. I was afraid Jaymeson could even hear it.
And then getting jeans pulled off? They scratched against my legs, against the bed.
It was loud.
Not at all quiet.
I gulped once my jeans were tossed onto the floor and nearly had a seizure when Dani dropped her white shorts to join them. I was suddenly thankful she was only joking about the sweats; the white against her tan skin was… jaw dropping.