She gasped.
“I’ve said that before haven’t I?”
She nodded as tears streamed down her face.
I kissed her again, licked away her tears, memorized her cheeks and the way they curved into a gorgeous neck that was made for my hands, my touch.
I kissed her until my mouth hurt.
Until I was afraid I was going to fall asleep still attached to her, and when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, she tucked her body into mine and whispered. “Sleep.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Fallon
I SPENT A WEEK by his side in the hospital. We played poker with marshmallows as our cash, and he wrote music—beautiful music about second chances and falling in love twice.
His album was finished. Complete.
Will stopped by a few times but seemed stressed every single time he was in the room. His phone never stopped ringing, and his eyes had dark circles beneath them.
The last time I saw him, Lincoln was huddled with him in the corner apologizing about his sister, I wasn’t sure what that meant, but when I brought it up later to Demetri, he cursed for a good five minutes before briefly explaining that Lincoln’s sister Angelica was Satan in female form.
Lincoln didn’t agree, but he didn’t deny it either.
Slowly, Zane started gaining more and more of his memory back, but only pieces and most of them were only tiny pieces of me.
I think the low point was when he remembered my dad’s name was Bill and my mom was Stella and then proceeded to ask my dad about hunting.
He remembered my dad of all people.
But not me?
He kissed me every day, in fact, I’ve never made out so much in my life, but it never went beyond that, probably because it would be weird in the hospital bed, but it would also be like sleeping with a stranger—for him, not me.
Will had given a statement to the media, but I knew it was still going to be really intense when we left the hospital, though I would be happy to leave it behind.
Everyone had returned to Seaside except for my parents and me.
“Kiddo.” My dad casually walked down the hall and held out a cup of coffee. “Your mom and I are gonna hit the road. We’ll see you tonight?”
“Yeah.” For some reason, the fact that my dad was leaving had me more emotional than normal. I gripped the cup with shaking fingers and tried to keep my smile normal—friendly.
“Fallon…” His pained expression made it so much worse because I knew he was upset that I was upset. “He’ll get there. He cares for you so much.”
“I know he does,” I said in a hollow voice. “It’s just hard.”
“I could always chase him with a gun, see if it jolts his memory” Dad winked. “Works for the foxes.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s a nice gesture, I’ll keep it in mind.”
He gripped my hand and walked with me into the hospital room. My mom was fussing over Zane like he was her son.
I loved it.
I loved it because I knew he’d never been fussed over. He’d been too young when his grandmother had died—it made me feel guilty for hating my bedtime routine in high school.
Both parents made sure my homework was done, my teeth were brushed, both always tucked me in.
Even last year I was still getting tucked in.
I smiled at the memory.
Zane would have committed murder to get tucked in at night.
If anything, I couldn’t bring myself to regret the way things had happened for us because regardless of the relationship I had with him—I knew that my parents were slowly becoming something consistent in his life—and that made me happy.
I would be happy that he had them.
Even if it meant he would never have me—even if it meant I would never have him, the him I’d had before.
He smiled at me, but it wasn’t the same teasing smile.
He joked around with me—but he used kid gloves.
He kissed me—but it was a kiss of exploration—not love, his kiss searched for answers—while mine simply begged to be enough.
“Be safe.” My mom squeezed his hand and then in a fit full of completely unnecessary tears, she kissed his cheek.
When they left, the room fell into silence.
Zane was dressed in a band T-shirt and ripped jeans. He picked up his Ray-Ban sunglasses, shoved the rest of his stuff into his bag, and then held out his hand. “Ready to go?”
I nodded.
Body numb.
Because at least in the hospital, I still had him.
I still had Zane Andrews.
But I wasn’t stupid—there was nothing keeping him tied to me—nothing except for guilt on his part and love on mine.
How could a relationship last on that?
It couldn’t.
Thankfully, Demetri had leaked information to the media that Zane was flying home the day before we left, so no crazed fans were waiting for us outside. Though I would have welcomed the distraction, because then at least, I wouldn’t feel as awkward as I did every time he tried.
Tried and failed to be the man I loved.
He tried to engage me in conversation the entire limo ride back to Seaside. We joked, we hung out—we were friends.
No longer anything else.
I tucked the memories of our nights together in my heart and swore I’d be thankful—after all, what were the odds it would have worked with a nearly blind girl and a rock star anyway?
It was goodbye.
It felt like goodbye more so now than when he’d gone into surgery.
The closer we got to Seaside, the heavier my chest became, until it was hard to breathe, until I thought I was going to pass out.