Defined By Deceit

No, not really.

“Well, even though you look like you want to be left alone, I had to come over here and say something.” Gene rubbed his creamy cheek against Llew’s neck. “Do you want me to go?”

Llew’s strong arm tightened and he pulled Gene closer to him. The breathy moan was evidence that Gene approved of his nonverbal response. “Ummm. I have a place just down the way, Llew. I wouldn’t mind a little company. How about you?”

Gene finally pulled back and Llew stared back at his now-date. “Let’s get out of here.” Gene smiled again.

Llew stood up from his stool and Gene’s eyes widened with shock. “Good lord, you are tall. Oh my god. You don’t look that big when you’re sitting.”

Llew quickly sat back down, his eyes scanning the bar for anyone that was watching them. Gene looked almost scared. He didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. Shit. He knew this was a bad idea. Gene shook his head. “No. No. That’s okay. I like it.” He purred, pulling on Llew’s hand. “Come on.”

Llew followed Gene out of the club, his pounding head immediately thanking him. He was fairly sure now that he wasn’t a club person. His temples had throbbed to the tempo of every song. The only good thing about that was that Gene had had to practically sit in his lap for Llew to hear him.

“My car is right there.” He pointed to a black Ford Focus. “You can follow me. I’m only fifteen minutes from here.” Gene flashed that beautiful smile again, and Llew nodded once before he turned to go to his truck.

He followed the taillights up the dark street, while thinking the entire time that he was ready for this, he just had to jump in with both feet. He deserved this. He just hoped that… fuck… he hoped it would be okay now.

“It’s all psychological, Llew. You’re not a rapist… believe you aren’t and you’ll enjoy the company of a man again.”

Llew again thought of his counselor’s comforting words. He’d helped Llew so much, he didn’t know if he would’ve made it without killing himself in that hellhole. He turned into a small condominium complex and weaved through a few turns until he saw Gene point towards a visitor’s lot. He turned into one of the empty spaces, took a couple deep breaths, and climbed out of the truck. Gene was waiting there for him on the sidewalk. When he reached him, Gene stuck his hand out for him to hold as he lead them to the downstairs unit.

Gene unlocked both locks and let them into his warm apartment. There was a dim light filtering in from the kitchen and Llew could see that Gene probably made a pretty decent living, since his house was nicely furnished. Deep blues and chestnut browns decorated the large living room and it put Llew at ease that he was with someone that was definitely a fully grown adult. His date turned to him and slid back in to close the distance between them. His head was tilted all the way back as he looked up into Llew’s eyes. “Do you want something to drink? Or I can fix us something to eat. You look like you like to eat.” Gene chuckled softly, and Llew thought it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

Instead of answering, Llew ran his calloused thumb over Gene’s soft cheek, his eyes focused on the bobbing of Gene’s Adam’s apple as he caressed him. No, he didn’t want a drink, and he didn’t want any goddamn food. He needed to feel some intimacy with another man. He wanted to be the aggressor and just go for it, but he couldn’t. His head raced with indecision and his heart bled with hurt.

“Come here,” Gene whispered, pulling Llew’s head down to his. Sure fingers weaved through his thick dark hair, while satiny lips brushed over his mouth. Llew kept his eyes open, watching the serenity on Gene’s pretty face. He tried to remember to kiss back, but he was stunned into stillness. Damnit. Had he forgot how? That’s not possible. He loved kissing; it had been his favorite thing to do with Moss. Shit.

Llew pulled back, his last thought almost paralyzing him. Don’t think about that... not now.

“You’re okay. Its okay, Llew. I told you, I can read people. You need this right now. It’s okay.” Llew was slowly led down a short hallway and into a cozy bedroom with a wonderful king-size bed in the middle of it. He didn’t look around very much, trying not to miss how Gene was seductively removing his clothes in front of him. Llew backed up and sat on the edge of the bed, his knees suddenly weak at the thought of having sex again. He was actually going to see a naked man, a man that he wanted to see naked… not that he had to see naked.