Fix Me

“But I imagine Ellis is really good at what she does,” Lisa said.

“I’m sure she is, but Bree has been to several other doctors that were supposed to be the best in the field and they let her down.”

“Why wouldn’t she want to try though? I mean, if there is a chance, who in their right mind wouldn’t jump at it?”

I shrugged. “I guess it’s kind of hard for us to know what goes through her mind since we’re not in her shoes. I would guess she is scared of what it means if the surgery fails.”

“If the surgery fails, she’s blind, but she’s already blind. What does she have to lose?”

I reached for another slice of pizza. “Hope. She has hope to lose. If the surgery fails, then it means all the other doctors were right and that she’s permanently blind with no more options. Can you imagine what that must be like for her? I think she wants to know that others have gone through this surgery and come out just fine. Not a handful of people, but like something as simple as getting your appendix out.”

She nodded with understanding. “I get it, but I still don’t understand why you are on the break. What happens if she doesn’t get the surgery?”

“Then I quit as her caregiver and she learns to live independently. Then we can be together, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “Luke, you are going to be her caregiver still. The only difference is you won’t be getting paid and you will be an emotional hostage all over again. You told me you were leaving Texas to get away from mom, yet you immediately find yourself the only woman in California that is a version of mom. You can’t always take care of someone.”

“It isn’t like that and you know nothing about the situation,” I snapped.

“Isn’t it? You are attracted to sickly women.”

“No, I’m not. Bree isn’t sick and I sure as hell wasn’t attracted to mom.”

“You know what I mean. You gravitate to people who are needy. She’s only going to suck the life out of you just like mom did. You’re going to find yourself miserable and looking for an escape.”

I shot her a dirty look. “You would know all about escaping, wouldn’t you?”

She looked properly ashamed. “I suppose I do.”

“Bree isn’t mom. She is struggling right now, but I know she’s going to get better and I don’t mean getting her sight back. She’s going to learn to cope. A couple weeks ago, she was doing really well. We were going to the beach, out to lunch and doing things that she loved. She came alive. I know that if she chooses not to get the surgery, it will be okay. She has to decide what is right for her. I can’t make that decision for her and neither can her father. Once she makes her decision, she’ll go all in.”

Lisa was quiet for a few seconds. “Don’t let yourself get strapped down with someone who only has their own interests in mind. You deserve to be loved and treated well. You deserve to have someone look after you now and again.”

I scoffed. “That’s rich coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You bailed on me the first chance you got. You left a fifteen-year-old boy to take care of an ailing woman.”

She rolled her eyes. “She wasn’t ailing. The only part of that woman that is sick is her brain. I couldn’t live in that toxic environment another minute. When Alan came along, I jumped at the chance to get the hell out of that house and out of Texas.”

“And you left me!” I shouted. “Dad left. You left. All of you left me. I was the one stuck holding the bag.”

“I’m sorry Luke. I really am, but you seemed to be okay with her. It seemed like you enjoyed taking care of her. She doted on you and acted like I was the s

pawn of Satan. I couldn’t live like that another minute. It was draining me. It was slowly killing me and I know it would have if I would have stayed there. I had no other options. I’m not smart like you. I wasn’t ever going to be able to afford to go to college. Alan was my best chance. I took it. I didn’t think about what it would mean to you. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t suppose you did think about it. None of you did.”

“Why didn’t you leave when you turned eighteen?” she asked.

“I couldn’t,” I answered truthfully. “I got accepted to the University of Florida and I even had a full scholarship.”

She groaned. “Oh Luke, why didn’t you go?”

I looked at her. “You know why. She suddenly took a turn for the worse. She spent weeks in the hospital. It’s not like I could just leave.”

Lisa shook her head. “I didn’t know. I thought you wanted to stay because of your modeling jobs.”