Fix Me

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. You had sight your entire life.”

“I guess.”

“Do you feel any better after getting some sleep?” he asked.

“No. Not really, but I

don’t want to try to sleep again. I need to walk around. I need to shake off the gross feeling of the nightmare.”

“That should help. We’ll get you outside, get some sun and maybe you’ll be able to take a nap out there.”

“I hope so. I hate these rounds of insomnia.”

“How long do they usually last?”

I took a deep breath. “Sometimes a few days, sometimes weeks.”

“Okay, let’s take this one day at a time. It was one bad night. We’ll go for a short walk. Today we relax. Yesterday taxed you. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, it wasn’t that. It’s just part of who I am. I got insomnia before the accident and I’m sure I’ll have it years down the road.”

His arm went around me as he pulled me against him. “I’ll be there to work through it with you.”

I smiled up at him, already feeling better about it all. Like he said, it was just one bad night.

Chapter Twenty

Luke

SHE WAS STILL STRUGGLING and I didn’t know how to help her. Three nights with no sleep. Last night, I had slept in the main house. She told me I didn’t have to, but I insisted. I had paced with her. I had talked with her. I had shared tea with her. We had listened to music, listened to a book and nothing worked.

She had broken down in tears, the frustration overwhelming her. I didn’t know what else to do but hold her and rock her and try to lull her into sleep. It only served to put me to sleep. I woke up with her trying to untangle herself from my arms.

She was run down and looked like hell. I knew she felt like hell and I wanted to help her; I just didn’t know how. She had tried the sleeping meds and they didn’t help. She said it just made her feel even worse. I offered to call her father, but she adamantly refused. She forbade me from telling him about her struggles.

“I’ll be back in thirty minutes,” I told her.

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. Trust me. I don’t have the energy.”

“Maybe we could try to put you in a sugar coma. I’ll load you down with cookies and soda and every other sugary snack I can get my hands on. You’ll crash and hopefully, crash for hours.”

She offered a wane smile. “That’s sweet, but I’m not sure I want to eat a million calories for the chance to sleep for an hour. Not to developing diabetes.”

I laughed. “Okay. I’m going to go shower and I’ll think of something else.”

“You don’t have to rush back. Take a nap.”

“I’m good. If I’m going to nap, it will be with you.”

She smiled again, the dark circles under her eyes becoming more prominent by the day. I didn’t know how to help her. I walked out of the room and headed for the cottage. I hoped she would fall asleep while I was gone.

I got home, stripping off my clothes as I walked towards the shower. I was so fucking tired, but it had only been one night for me and I was dragging ass. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through. I worried for her physical health.

Climbing in, I turned the spray to lukewarm. I needed to wake up. I dressed for the day which was going to be doing a whole lot of nothing. I wasn’t interested in moving mountains, going to the beach or anything else that required me to expend energy.

When I got back to the main house, very quietly I opened Bree’s door. She appeared to be sleeping. I breathed a sigh of relief and quietly tiptoed back towards the kitchen. I started myself some coffee before taking a seat on the stool and pulling up the contact list on my phone. She said I couldn’t call Paul, but she said nothing about Mel.

I needed some background information and I was going to help her. I felt like I was too close to the situation. This was why there had to be a professional distance between patient and caregiver. If it came down to it, I would insist she take the sleeping meds.