Fix Me

“Men do not want to get with me for my cooking skills, Bree.”

“It must be because you are so humble,” I shot back.

“There you go,” she praised. “I knew my girl was in there.”

“I want the surgery,” I said, completely changing the subject.

“Good. Great! Does Luke know?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I talked with Ellis earlier in the week. We agreed we would wait until my foot was healed and I was absolutely certain.”

“Well, that sure explains a lot,” she said.

I could hear the sound of eggs being cracked followed by the sizzle in a hot pan. I listened to her move around the kitchen and suddenly felt jealous. I wanted the freedom to d

o that. I wanted to cook and clatter pans as I made a meal.

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“You are not sleeping because you are worried about the surgery.”

“But I’m positive I want to do it,” I argued.

“Obviously, you are not totally on board with it. If you were, you wouldn’t be this stressed out. You’ve been having a lot of nightmares Luke tells me. What’s that about?”

I could tell her. I could tell her anything. “It’s usually the same thing. I’m with Luke but it isn’t Luke, it’s Nate. Usually I’m getting in my car. Either he’s driving or I’m driving. I know what’s going to happen and I keep trying to stop it. Luke always leaves me. It’s either he dies in the car accident or he tells me has a girlfriend and is moving back to Texas. The dreams are dreams, you know? They don’t make a lot of sense, but they feel so real.”

“I’m not going to pretend to be some wise old lady, but I think you are still suffering from trauma from the accident. You are having flashbacks. I’m sure you will be having nightmares about that night for years to come.”

I groaned. “Great.”

“And you are worried about Luke leaving you because of what his mother said,” she added. “You are feeling insecure and it’s eating at you. You have to know that man is crazy about you. He isn’t going to leave you.”

I digested the information. “Why is it always Nate I see?”

“Because Nate was the last face you saw before the accident.”

Her words hit home. It made sense. I blamed Nate. Not entirely, but I did blame him a little. It had been my choice to get in the car, but I was so mad at him. I was still mad at him. “You should really consider psychology as a career path. Or maybe one of those ladies that sits in a tent and wears lots of jewelry as she predicts the future.”

“I can’t predict the future, but I can read you like an open book. You have to give your mind a break or your body is going to give out. You will get the surgery and I am very confident you will see again. You will get to see Luke for the first time and trust me, you are going to very pleased with what you see. The nightmares will fade, and it will be Luke’s face you see.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am. Now, let’s get you fed. Why don’t you go shower while I finish up? Then you can eat and crawl directly into bed.”

“I don’t think I can sleep,” I protested.

“But you are going to try. I promised Luke I would make you get some sleep and I am not going to fail.”

I sighed, knowing how stubborn she could be. “Fine. I’ll try.”

“Be careful,” she called out as I made my way back to my room.

I was very careful. I felt clumsy and weak and didn’t want to risk a fall. I ran my hand down the wall for guidance. I turned the shower to hot, hoping it would help me relax. Despite spending so much time in bed, my muscles hurt. I felt like I had run a marathon. I spent way too long in the shower, mostly because I didn’t have the energy to get out and get dressed.

I finally managed to do so, feeling completely exhausted as I made my way back to the kitchen. “I was just about to go check on you,” Mel said.

“I’m alive.”