I chuckled. “How many beers have you had?”
“I miss this, our long talks. You’ve always been so easy to talk to.”
“Yeah,” I said, recalling those times when he was so willing to listen to me ramble on and on for hours and hours about everything under the sun. Even when I bored him with talk of fabric and color schemes, he never told me to be quiet. Jake had always hung on every word that came out of my mouth, as if truly intrigued
“I really miss that, Ashly. I miss…us.”
“It was a long time ago,” I said, my words almost as cold as the beer I was finishing. “You shouldn’t dwell on the past.” With that, I stood and started to walk away.
Jake suddenly pulled me into his arms. “Ashly…” he said.
My heart pounded. “What?”
He softly touched my face. “I don’t want to dwell on the past. I want to focus on the future.”
There was something about him that I found captivating. It wasn’t just his looks; he had a magnetic personality, and he always made me smile, whether I wanted to or not. No one had ever knocked me so off balance before, and I was completely discombobulated. I wanted to blame it on the beer, but I hadn’t had enough for that to be the case. I touched his face, cupping it ever so softly with my hand. “I care about you deeply, but nothing will ever happen between us again. You need to accept that.”
“If you’d just let down those thick gates you’ve built up around your heart, Ashly, there could be hope for us.”
“I met my best friend and soulmate once, but then he deserted me. It took a long time to get over him because I’ve never loved someone so deeply. But I moved on, and I vowed to never look back. I’m finally happy, as happy as I can be. I wouldn’t be able to handle my world being torn apart a second time, and I’m not willing to risk that for you or anyone else.”
“I’m a grown man now, Ashly, and I know what I want. I swear I would never abandon you again. This time, forever would be for real.”
Dwelling on the subject was daunting and overwhelming all at once, and I had to get away from him. “I’m gonna take a walk and check out the scenery.”
“Can I go with you?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d just like to be alone with my thoughts.”
He stared at me for a minute. Finally he said, “I understand,” and then he gently brushed my arm as he walked past me.
I opened my mouth to tell him not to leave, but the words would not come out. I felt hundreds of butterflies dancing around in my stomach. Part of me wanted to be held in his big, strong arms, to feel his hot breath on my skin, his lips brushing across my earlobe. I wanted him to pull me to his open, waiting mouth, but I cursed myself under my breath for feeling that way. How could Jake have this effect on me? I’m not some silly, naïve schoolgirl. I’m a grown woman, with an impressive résumé and prestigious job—much too grown for the likes of a despicable runaway groom. For a minute, I was frozen, held captive by the words he’d spoken and by the look of sincerity and hopefulness in his eyes when he’d spoken them. But in spite of the beer and his undeniable charm, I soon came back to my senses and knew I was doing the right thing by walking away.
I took my shoes off and waded in the creek for a while, then made my way to Boat Beach, which wasn’t far at all, located right along the banks of the Colorado River. Shrubs, small, brushy trees, grass, and several types of cactus dotted the shore. The little crooks in the red walls of the canyon were filled with young cottonwoods. Truly, it was a breathtaking experience to set foot in such a place, and I couldn’t stop staring at the spectacular rusty, crimson, and marigold hues splashed across the canyon walls, all that color blending into a perfect mix, and the towering sandstone rock formations. The view was incredible, and the sound and power of the water mesmerized me. There’s no feeling on Earth like standing beside the Colorado River with the dark, rough walls towering above you.
As the sun began to pain the sky in a pinkish lavender, I reflected on many things. I still missed my mom terribly, and I reminisced about all the wonderful times we’d shared before her life had been cut short.
Whenever I had problems as a child, I’d build secret forts or go to private corners of the woods. Hiding and distraction had always been my way of dealing with problems. I watched ants carry their leaves, picked up insects, and stared at spiders spinning their intricate webs. I’d make little boats out of leaves and gently set them in the woodland stream, then watch them take their gentle voyage with the current. Life had been so simple, so carefree back then, and I missed that feeling.
Since my breakup with Jake, I’d grown stronger every day, somehow finding the strength to carry me through each passing sunrise and sunset. Nobody understood why it took me so long to get over Jake, not even Nadia. Is it wrong to love someone so passionately? I still wondered. Neverthe
less, what had happened between us was in the past, and I knew I’d never allow myself to get involved with Jake again, for he’d only bring me more heartache, and I would not put myself through that. I would never forget the pain of my bleeding heart.
I’d always enjoyed finding a special retreat, a place where I could be alone with my thoughts. That was something else Nadia had never quite understood, as she was the kind of person who had to have someone with her wherever she went. When we were kids, she wouldn’t even walk up the street to the corner store without dragging me along. I, on the other hand, could be quite a loner at times. I used to go in the woods, find a boulder fit to be used as furniture, then sit there for hours, and watch and listen as fish swam and gurgled, frogs jumped and croaked, and birds flew and chirped. It was the only thing I could do to get my mind off my parents’ fighting, which they did all the time. When they separated for a couple of years, I felt like it was my fault.
Sure, I had grown into an adult, but I knew I was still doing the same damn thing I’d done as a kid, still looking for that special spot, someplace to escape to. There I was again, running away from my problems, hiding from Jake and looking for a distraction at the bottom of a canyon.
Time passed, and before I knew it, the sun was bathing the whole place in dazzling rays, turning the canyon red, pink, and fuchsia. I knew I had to head back before darkness enveloped the canyon floor. I saw the cutest gray fox, some birds, and a bunch of mule deer as I ambled back to the cabin.
When I got back, we sat at the picnic table. Jake eagerly listened to my story, then told me all about his little adventure. The weather was wonderful, giving us a perfect view of the stars and moon in the clear night skies.
“I hiked up the Clear Creek Trail to Phantom Overlook. It was awesome,” Jake said. “I also hit the North Kaibab trail to Ribbon Falls, and I took tons of pictures. Then me and some other hikers headed to the cantina, where we had dinner and played cards.”
“It sounds lovely.”
After a long, exciting day and lulled to sleep by the sounds of nature and the lingering buzz of a little alcohol, my eyes closed in no time.
* * *