Gift From The Bad Boy

I looked down at my feet as I answered, “Yes, Daddy.”

“Good,” he said, straightening up. He walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. I didn’t meet his eyes. “Look at me, Carmen.”

Still, I kept my eyes trained on the ground.

He repeated himself. “Carmen, look at me.” He tucked two fingers under my chin and gently raised my gaze to his.

I was trembling with an exhausting mixture of anger and disappointment. My body felt thin and achy. All I wanted was to lie in bed and cry for a long, long time. That was the only outlet I had left.

“You’re precious to me,” he said softly. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” He kissed me on the forehead. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back tonight. Don’t stay up too late; I know you’ve got those exams coming up soon.”

He let me go, then turned and walked out the door without another word. I stood there for a long time, hot tears burning my eyes. I felt so stupid for crying, since it didn’t solve a single one of my problems, but I didn’t know what else to do. So I just stood there in his empty office and cried.

After a while, my phone vibrated twice in my pocket. I had two texts. The first was from Dan.

Football practice got cancelled. Are you free tonight?

I deleted it right away.

The second text message was from Lori.

How’d the talk with Papa J go????

I typed out my response slowly with shaking fingers. Terrible.

She shot back, I’m coming over.

I tucked my phone back into my pocket and walked downstairs. Without bothering to turn on any of the lights in the living room, I slumped onto a couch and closed my eyes while resting my head back against the armrest. I focused on breathing deeply and evenly. In through my nose, out through my mouth, then repeat until I stopped feeling like I was going to puke or pass out or break something. Eventually, the blood stopped pounding in my temples and my breath started to come a little more easily.

The door flew open, introducing a wide swath of light into the dark room. Lori burst inside and scanned the room. She saw me and leaped over towards the couch to sit next to me where I was lying down. “You okay, Carmen?” she said as she brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen over my face.

I kept my eyes closed gently. “I hate him.”

“I know. It’s not fair.”

I sat up straight and locked eyes with my best friend. “It’s not fair at all! Why am I cooped up in here all the time? Why can’t I ever just do what I want? Is going to dinner such a big freaking deal? Would it be better if I had a fucking security patrol to go with me? God, I hate it so much!”

Lori cooed wordlessly and kept stroking my hair as I buried my head in my knees. I wanted to cry some more, to help relieve the savage pressure built up behind my eyes, but the tears just weren’t coming. I’d exhausted the supply.

“I just don’t get it,” I said after I’d regained my composure. “He goes flying off at all hours of the night to do his job, which he doesn’t ever even bother to explain to me, and I’m just stuck here alone, not allowed to go out or do anything fun with my life. Maybe I should just run away.”

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. “You know what?” she said. “Fuck your dad. Let’s do something fun tonight.”

I looked at her curiously. “Like what?”

“Well,” she began slowly, “don’t freak out…”

“That’s never a good way to start something, Lori,” I said cautiously.

“I know, I know, but listen. On my way over here, I ran into my friend, Hawkeye, from the tattoo shop. He told me about some awesome party that’s happening tonight. If you wanted to, we could go.”

“What kind of party?”

She waved her hands evasively, trying to convince me that it didn’t matter. “Oh, you know, just, like, a party. People drinking, dancing, talking, all that stuff.”

“What kind of people?” I said, my voice wary. I knew Lori well enough to know that when she was avoiding the subject, it meant there was something I wasn’t going to like lurking beneath the surface.

“Just, people, come on,” she demurred.

“Lori,” I warned.

She bit her lip. “Okay, so, like I said, don’t freak out, but Hawkeye might have mentioned that it’s being thrown by the Dark Knights guys.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “Are you insane?” I exclaimed. “Are you actively trying to get raped and killed?”

“Okay, okay, Carmen—breathe. You said you wouldn’t freak out.”

“I did not! And I’m definitely going to freak out!”