Gift From The Bad Boy

“Ben, you must say the words,” the priest said. I realized I’d zoned out, too deep in my own thoughts to keep up with the proceedings.

“Which ones?”

“I do.”

The question was, did I? Did I promise to protect this girl, take care of her, be a companion to her? Hell no. I promised to stay the fuck away. That was the nicest thing I could offer. But I’d sworn to James that I would do as he asked. I hated kowtowing to him, but I didn’t have a choice. On with the show.

“I do,” I said.

The priest nodded and turned to Carmen. “And do you, Carmen Sanders, take Ben Killmore as your lawfully wedded husband?”

She looked up at me for the first time since the ceremony had begun. I saw that her eyes were filled with tears. “I do.”

“Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

I stared at her. She looked back at me, and I could see she was trembling, but she refused to break eye contact. I didn’t know what was in her eyes. Was that hate? Fear? Some combination of the two? Whatever it was, I didn’t think it boded well for our lovely little matrimony. James was a fool. This couldn’t possibly be the way to handle things.

My gaze fell to her stomach. Had he told the truth? It occurred to me with a jolt that he could have been lying to me the whole damn time. Maybe this was all some sick ruse and he was using his own daughter to pull the wool over my eyes, to butter me up before roasting me for breakfast. Was that a bump I saw? Or was I imagining it? Shit, I didn’t know the first thing about pregnancy. That shit was voodoo as far as I was concerned.

Better get learning quickly, said an unwanted voice in the back of my head. If James’s right, you’re gonna be a daddy real soon. Jesus, I felt sick. I was the last person on this planet who should be procreating right now. I was a wild man; I did what I wanted when I wanted and if someone didn’t like how I did things, then I was as liable to punch them in the mouth as anything else. Some parental role model. My kid would be in juvie before he could walk.

I heard an awkward murmuring and shuffling from the men and realized I’d been standing there for an awfully long time, just staring at Carmen and not doing a goddamn thing. I’d have to take James at his word. For the time being at least, this was my reality—life with a wife. An innocent, hot-as-fuck wife, one with a body that I wanted to claim over and over again.

But I wasn’t going to let that happen. I wouldn’t let myself do that. Distance, Ben, distance. I reached out a hand and lifted the veil over Carmen’s head. She was frozen. I couldn’t read what was going on in her eyes, but they looked stormy as hell. I was sure her thoughts were just as fubar as mine. Hell, the thought of what this all looked like from her perspective was almost amusing to me. I bet I looked like one crazy motherfucker. A grizzled, inked, brooding bastard who could rip her clothes off without even trying. She must be scared for her fucking life.

I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t find the heart even to appreciate that kind of gallows humors. Poor girl. She hadn’t asked for this. She deserved better than me. Or different from me at the very least.

I saw her flinch when the back of my knuckles accidentally grazed her face as I tucked the veil behind her head. She was like a china doll, all fragile porcelain. Would she break if I touched her? Would she shatter in my hands?

I felt like I was on autopilot as I leaned towards her. Just one kiss, that’s all it would take. That’s as far as things would go. Ever. I lowered my face towards hers, those damn Bambi eyes getting bigger as I got closer and closer. My lips were almost on Carmen’s.

But then I paused. She was too beautiful. Too pure. I wasn’t going to corrupt her. This was her father’s idea, and I’d agreed to it for the sake of my men, but the words I’d just spoken were as far as it went. We were married in name only. Nothing else.

Just before my lips touched her mouth, I turned slightly and pressed them against her cheek instead. Quickly, roughly, then I pulled away.

“We’re done here,” I murmured, half to myself and half to Carmen and the rest of the people in the church. “Time to go.”

I walked off the altar without waiting to see if she would follow.