“No, it’s just, uh. Nothing, never mind.” I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I’d sounded just like Ben had. It is what it is. He was inside my head already.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just a weird memory.”
“Gotcha.” He leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. “Well, anyway, the reason I’m here is that Ben sent me to see what you needed. You’re going to be here for a while, and he said I should take you out to get things—clothes, furniture, makeup. Whatever it is you’d like to have around here.”
I took a look around the empty room. “Oh, boy,” I said. Then I frowned. “But I don’t have any money.”
Jay chuckled. “You don’t need to worry about money, Carmen. Not ever again.” He stood.
I was still processing his words when he stood.
“If you’re ready, we can go,” he invited, extending a hand to help me up from the couch.
I took it and rose to my feet. Noticing something, though, I looked down. “I don’t have any shoes,” I said.
He looked down and saw I was barefoot. “Well, first stop is the shoe store, then, I guess.”
# # #
“How long have you known Ben?” I asked.
Jay was sitting in a chair on the other side of the door to the dressing room stall I was in. I could see him crossing and uncrossing his feet over and over again. It made me chuckle. Who knew that the way to make a biker uncomfortable was to bring him into a women’s clothing shop? He’d looked downright terrified at every place we’d gone so far, though the more places we went, the more bags he had to struggle with. He’d given me carte blanche to get literally anything I wanted, and I took his recommendation to heart. I stopped bothering with price tags after the first few shops, and he didn’t even ask the totals when we were checking out. He just reached into his jacket and peeled crisp hundred dollar bills from the rubber-banded roll he kept in some hidden pocket. It seemed endless.
“A very long time,” he said. “Since we were kids.”
“You grew up together?”
“Yeah. His mom and mine were cousins. Or at least that’s what they told us. I never actually found out if it was true or not. It didn’t really matter. They were family, whether or not we shared blood.”
“That’s cute.”
He shifted in his seat again and grumbled something below my hearing.
I emerged from the dressing room in a pair of jeans and a flowing white top. “Whatcha think?” I said. I surprised myself with how carefree I felt. I knew it was stupid, but something as innocuous as a shopping spree was just the right thing to counterbalance the doom and gloom of the last few months. I was determined to focus on the moment and not get lost in what had happened before or what was going to happen next. The past was over and done with and the future was unknowable, I reminded myself. Just enjoy right now, and worry about later when that time came. For the time being, I managed to convince myself to do just that.
“You, erm, look…great,” he finished clumsily.
I laughed and walked over to the mirror to check out the clothes I’d tried on. “I’m just teasing you, Jay,” I said. “You’re being a good sport about it, though.”
“Anything for the boss’s wife,” he mumbled.
I decided I liked the clothes enough to wear them out. I tossed Ben’s old shirt into one of the many bags we’d accumulated throughout the day, slipped on my shoes, and headed up towards the register to finalize the purchases. Jay stood up and followed me out.
“So Ben’s your boss?” I asked as the cashier folded and bagged the other things I’d bought.
“Yeah.”
“What’s that like?”
“It is what it is,” he said with a straight face.
I gave him a sideways look just in time to see him crack a broad smile. “Was that a joke?” I asked in astonishment. “Were you making fun of me? Oh, wow, I thought you were going to be deadly serious all day.”
“I’m full of mysteries.”
“Really, though,” I prodded. We were on our way out of the story and back towards the car to load up. “I’m curious. What’s Ben like as a boss?”
“Oof,” he grunted, dropping the armful of clothes onto the ground and popping open the trunk.
“Jay,” I insisted. “Jay.”
He stopped loading the clothes and gave me a strange look. The twinkling smile from before had disappeared. He looked at me with a somber expression, and when he spoke, his words were slow and serious. “Ben is the best man I know,” he said. “I’d follow him to the grave.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. He resumed putting the bags into the trunk as I stood still in silence, chewing on what I’d just heard. The best man I know. I didn’t know much about Jay, but something about the way he carried himself told me he wasn’t the kind of guy who said things like that lightly. Especially not given the way he’d looked when he said it. It almost made me shiver, despite the summer heat broiling around us.