“Why does that matter, Drew?” she asked.
“Because, well, I wasn't looking for this – whatever it is this is. I was just lonely and looking for someone to spend my birthday with. And then I found you. That's what I was looking for. And I just got to wondering what it was you were looking for?”
She turned and looked at me, finally, and there was sadness in her eyes. “Maybe I was looking for the same thing, Drew.”
It made sense, but it also didn't. Why was she lonely? It was no mystery why I was lonely. But she was a beautiful, successful young woman who could have anyone she wanted – I was sure of that. She had to have family and friends and co-workers – all things I'd lost and hadn't been able to find again.
But it was obvious by the way she sat there staring at me, that there was no way she was talking about it. She wasn't going to open up to me the way she demanded I opened up to her. Not now, at least.
“Well hopefully you found what you needed,” I said. “I promise to not bring it up again.”
“I appreciate it,” she said, turning back to her work briefly before looking back up at me. “Oh, and happy belated birthday.”
“Thanks,” I muttered to myself as I continued walking toward the waiting room.
AMELIA
I listened to his footsteps fading away as he made his way out of my office and down the hallway. As soon as I heard the door at the end of the hall close – which meant he was back in the waiting room, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. My body relaxed into the chair as a powerful wave of relief washed over me.
I'd see him again in a week, but at least I had a week to mentally prepare myself for it. I'd been completely blindsided when I opened the door and saw him standing there. But I'd do a better job of keeping an even keel next time. I made that vow to myself.
He'd promised to not mention sleeping together again, but I wasn't sure it would be that easy. It was on his mind – as it was mine, truth be told – and it would always be the elephant in the room, no matter what we were talking about. It was the one reason I wasn't sure this arrangement was going to work out.
I had second thoughts about keeping him on as a client. Then third, fourth, and fifth thoughts. Reaching for the phone, I came so close to calling Dr. Frank and requesting he see Drew Hunter from now on. But the man had requested to stay with me. Maybe he was hoping he could sleep with me again, or perhaps he actually needed me. It was a crapshoot at that point.
But I was an expert in what he was going through and knew that if anybody could help him, it would be me. It was just impossible to know if I was doing the right thing or not.
I held off on calling Dr. Frank and put the phone back in place. I wouldn't refer Drew out. For now, at least.
My cell phone buzzed, pulling me back to the here and now. It couldn't be Drew, he didn't have my cell phone number, but my pulse raced nonetheless.
Can I see you? Please, Amelia, the message read.
My heart sank.
It was Charlie.
My finger hovered over the Delete Message option, but my hand shook violently as I stared at the words on the screen. I moved to delete it again, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
It buzzed again.
I screwed up, I know it now. I miss you so much.
Tears welled up in my eyes. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed him too. Or at least the man I'd always thought him to be. The last few months though, I'd seen somebody entirely different, somebody I hadn't even recognized. And I didn't like it. Not one bit.
I silenced my phone. No need to deal with that at work. Not now. Not ev
er, honestly.
ooo000ooo
The train ride home was uneventful. Some nights, Charlie joined me on my ride home, coming to my house to spend the night. Other nights, we went to his place. We didn't spend every night together, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to live a double life so easily. But we'd spent enough nights together for this solo train ride to feel extra lonely and depressing.
Charlie tried to call while I was on my way home. A few times actually. I never even bothered to listen to the voice mails. Hearing his voice might break me, might convince me to cave in and see him, and once that happened, I would lose it. I would give in and go back to him. I knew myself well enough to know that.
I was sad, of course, but there was anger seething underneath the surface as well. A deep, abiding, and justifiable anger. We'd been through so much together, how could he do that to me? Did I really matter so little to him that some other woman could take my place so easily?
If you listened to his frantic text messages, you'd think that wasn't the case – that he thought me irreplaceable. But I saw what he'd said to her. I'd read his texts to her. I knew he said the same things to her that he'd said me.