I unbuttoned my blouse, showing off more than a hint of cleavage and knowing that this was going to happen. I walked with determination across the street, not even bothering to look both ways and almost willing anybody that was driving by to run me down like road kill on the side of the road. It was the only way that I was going to be stopped.
I climbed the stairs, not even bothering to knock and finding the door unlocked. I walked right in. I saw him standing there by the stairs. I threw one leg around his waist and planted my lips on his before he could even get a word in edgewise.
I slithered my tongue into his mouth, grinding up against him and seeing the way that he was looking past me. I looked at him and I saw the awkward expression like I had interrupted something.
“Does somebody want to tell me what’s going on here?” I heard the feminine voice with authority behind it and I remembered how he had mentioned that his mother was coming over for dinner the other night. I had left my mark with my lipstick making him look like he had been attacked by a zealous fan at a concert that had gotten out of hand.
“Um, Marilyn…I mean Gillian, I would like you to meet my mother…Marilyn.” I had a feeling that I would meet her sooner than later, but I certainly wasn’t expecting to give her a bad impression of me.
“I’m waiting for an answer. Do you normally have strange women coming in here unannounced and kissing you out of the blue? What kind of son have I raised that would have women throwing themselves at him? I don’t even want to think about what would have happened had I not been here to witness this disgusting display.” I turned with my lipstick smeared and my skirt almost around my waist.
“Mother…it’s not what you think.” It was an interesting way for him to tap dance around it, but the evidence was right in her face. “I’m doing… I mean I’m dating her and I would think that would afford her some of your respect.” His mother had him by the short hairs and her tone was eerily similar to Lillian’s. I thought that I just had one overbearing bitch to deal with, but apparently, his mother was of that same way.
“I think by now that you could come up with a better excuse than that. I shouldn’t be surprised. They say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I never thought that you would turn out like your father. He couldn’t keep it in his pants. It didn’t matter what I did to please him. I think that it’s time that we have a very frank discussion.” I tried to make a discreet exit, but she blocked my path. Her stern expression really did make me feel like I was being held accountable for something that I didn’t do.
“This is between you and your son. It has nothing to do with me and I would rather not get into the middle of a domestic dispute.” I stood my ground, but I could feel myself weakening underneath her mom stare. “Don’t say that I didn’t warn you. There’s no way that you can treat me the same way that you do your son.” She pointed towards the living room and I had no choice. I had to obey. It was almost like it was ingrained in me from the way that my mother could literally give me one look and have me at a loss for words.
Marshall leaned into me and whispered in private “I’m sorry that you have to be here for this. I was hoping that we were never going to have to have that talk. I do have to say that I’m quite surprised to see you here. Pleasantly so, but I still have to wonder what compelled you to come here.” It was an interesting question and one that I was hoping that we could get into it after I had him screaming obscenities and writhing on top of me.
She grabbed us both by the ear. I didn’t know how painful that could be until that very moment. “I will have no secrets when I’m standing right here. If you have something to say, then share it with the rest of the class.” It was obvious to me that her background was in teaching. She knew how to garner respect and when she didn’t get it, there was only one way that she could go to make her point abundantly clear.
“Mother, I’m a grown man and I don’t need you to police my life.” It was nice to see him stand up for himself, but it didn’t look like she was going to let him play the martyr. “I have every right to live the way that I see fit. I really don’t need your permission or acceptance. You might be right and maybe some of what dad did to you rubbed off on me. I never thought of it like that before.” I didn’t want to wait my whole life for a man that had mommy issues.
“I know that you’re old enough to know better. You’re definitely too old to put over my knee, but a good talking to never goes out of style. Maybe if you hear some harsh truths then you will finally realize that your actions have consequences.” She was only small in stature at 5 foot nothing. I could’ve easily taken her, but for some reason, her intimidation tactics were too much for me to bear.
“I watched my father play with your heart and each and every time you came back after he apologized profusely for his actions. I didn’t respect you for that. I understood that you were doing it because you wanted to make it work. I hated him and we’ve never been able to stay in the same room together for any length of time before angry words were spoken.” I sat down with them and the only thing that I could do was listen. I was still feeling this need to drape my leg over the top of him and take that necessary test drive.
There was that awkward silence. This was obviously building up for a very long time. “I didn’t stay with your father because I wanted to make it work. I stayed with your father because I saw some redeeming qualities that I thought we could build on. It took several hours with a therapist before I finally realized that he just didn’t have it in him to be monogamous. I even gave him the benefit of the doubt. I tried to meet him halfway by spicing things up in the bedroom.” I looked at Marshall and he had his hands over his ears like a little child and whistling loudly so that he didn’t have to be subjected to this.
I put my hands on his wrists and I pulled them away. “I think that it is a good idea that we listen to her. She has been keeping this in for a long time and it’s not healthy. I’m starting to understand where the way that you treat women comes from. You’re damaged goods. You may not think so, but there’s something wrong inside you that needs to be fixed. I’m just not sure that I’m the woman that can do that for you. I would like to give it a try. I would feel stupid if I didn’t and you found somebody else.” I wasn’t looking at his mother, but I could hear her breathing like she was doing it over my shoulder.
“I don’t know you and I was really not impressed by the way you manhandled my son. You’re the type of girl that I wouldn’t want him to bring home to dinner. I get this feeling that there is a long line of broken hearts in your wake. That might be something that you have in common with my son.” I didn’t want to hear about my own faults and shortcomings. It didn’t look like I was going to be able to stop drop and roll from a moving vehicle metaphorically speaking. She had me where she wanted me and this was her time to say her peace.
“It was hard seeing you and father at odds. I screamed into my pillow every time that I heard you both arguing loudly. You didn’t take into consideration what that was going to do for a little boy’s self-esteem. I drew in on myself and never was one to make friends. It was only after I got out of school that my resentment turned into something that I don’t even recognize anymore. I actually enjoyed sleeping with women and then never seeing them again. I don’t want to admit this, but I think in some small way it was to get back at you.” This was a huge step and one that made me see the weight coming off his shoulders.
“That’s not something that a mother wants to hear. I’m leaving and I do hope that I have given you food for thought. It’s quite obvious what was going to happen. I can’t even look at you. You’re going to do whatever you want anyway and there’s nothing that I’m going to do to stop you. I think we need some time apart. There has been a lot said here that needed to be said. We both need time to absorb it.” She stepped to the front door and took off the red jacket by the door.
Marshall was about to get up and go after her, but I put my hand on his knee to signify that it was bett
er to let sleeping dogs lie. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I knew enough about the female species to understand that it was not the time to get into it.
The door closed and Marshall was sitting there stunned staring out into space. This was neither the time nor the place to take our affection to the next level. I was just going to have to find some other outlet that didn’t include our sweaty bodies slamming against one another until we were both spent and had nothing left to give.
“I think that I’m going to leave and this wasn’t a very good idea. I see now that I was overreacting to something else and I was going to use you as a substitute. I’m sure that you wouldn’t have complained in the very least, but this would’ve been monumentally stupid on both of our parts. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you, but you are in no frame of mind to live for the moment. You need to take a cold hard look at yourself. It’s time that you realize that what you have been doing is wrong.” I got up and he latched onto my wrist with pleading eyes.
“I really don’t want you to go. Can you just sit here for a little while and be with me?” It was an odd feeling to sit there with him. I consoled him by touching his hand lightly and putting my head on his shoulder.
This whole thing had taken a lot out of him. It was only a few minutes before he was fast asleep. I very carefully and holding my breath took his arm away from over my shoulders. I laid him back down and I realized that what I was seeing was more than a feeling. The way that I was feeling was nothing like I felt for any man. It didn’t take money and it didn’t take fame. That was the power of the infatuation that I had for Marshall.
I had gone home and had some chamomile tea to calm myself down. My nerves were frayed and I still felt like somebody was watching me. There was a pair of headlights that stayed with me all the way home and then turned the other direction when I got to my road. It had to be just this whole situation and the way that Lillian had acted towards me that got me wired too tight. I wouldn’t have put it past her to have someone following me to make sure that I lived up to my part of the deal.
I lay there in bed not able to get a wink of sleep and then I heard what sounded like glass breaking. I bolted straight up, grabbing for the nearest thing that I could use as a weapon. The only thing that I had on hand was a hair dryer. It was heavy and using it like a weapon might be perfect for sending the right message.
I very slowly went out of my bedroom, standing there in the darkness trying to adjust my eyes and then I saw the shadow of somebody by the broken window. Whoever it was had come in from the fire escape and was now skulking in the darkness like a specter of the night.
I tiptoed very carefully, wearing only a pair of boy shorts and my long hair hanging over my breasts to hide my nudity. I wasn’t even concerned that he might be here for more than just stealing me blind. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might be in danger.
I wanted to shock whoever it was. I turned on the lamp to illuminate a man that should’ve been home nursing a hangover.